Paperwork Scares the Hell out of Me

[aadel]

I'm panicking again.  There's paperwork to be done, and I'm staring at it like a white mouse trapped in a snake pit.  Two boas are eyeing me up.  One is called "Income Tax," the other "Legal Papers," and both are dead-serious.  The first one can hurt me financially (if I don't act soon), and the second one can make me homeless if I lose my court case.

I don't have the guts to take either one of them on; besides, I'm too busy dodging them.

Don't ask me why.  Why would anyone damn-near faint at the mere sight of blank forms?  My pdoc speculates that it all goes back to traumatic experiences in my war-time childhood.  Even if he's right, how does that insight help me?  It doesn't.  The mere thought of taking on the papers makes my blood drain from my head and heart.

Does this have anything at all to do with BP2 ?  Or am I dealing with a totally separate and additional symptom or disorder here?  Either way, what can I do about it?

Hell(p)!

[lagatta]

I can't imagine anyone that likes paperwork.  YUK!!  I've heard that bipolars (I know it's true in my case) have a hard time with clerical detail.   Yawn.  Yawn.  Besides, there are many procrastinators out there - not only people with psychiatric illnesses.  

On another note, I wonder if you are experiencing anxiety.  I know that when I do, I have a hard time sitting down and focussing.  However, not facing your paperwork will probably only make you even more anxious.

I like the timer and setting the mood ideas.  I would also suggest dividing you task into steps.   I think sometimes when one looks at a chore as a whole it can be overwhelming but once it's prioritized and divided it becomes more manageable.  

As for the tax thing - could you bring it to an accountant or H&R block?  In Canada we can also do it online which in straightforward cases is really easy to do.

Good luck!

[Jester2005]

OMG, LOL... you just reminded me that I have to hand in my Income Tax paper work to my Bankruptcy guy... he's prolly sent me 3 notices already and I think I saw that they were due on the 15th :S  I also got paper work for my STD to go to LTD and was suppose to send that back within 5 days but that was prolly 2 weeks ago now... I keep avoiding paper work... still haven't filled out the forms for my hospital stay last summer, sigh... I wonder how much trouble I'm in?

[aadel]

Hey ohanamama

Thank you for your suggestion.  I think it has a lot of merit  You have found a way to reduce the fright and the drudgery by beautifying the surroundings.  I will give it a try, along with what toads proposed.  I simply have to find a way to cope with the horrors of paperwork before some very grim consequences descend on me.

I appreciate your support and your insight.  

aadel  

[ohanamama]

I can absolutely relate!  The more I have to do, the more I stress I feel, and the more I put off what must be done.  The only thing that works for me is finding myself just a day or two before the deadline, setting the room up with a few of my comfort items (candles, music and no distractions) and just dig in.  I am working on finding a "personal assistant", someone who can help with chores around the house (cleaning, laundry) and some light bookkeeping.  I can no longer stand the pressure of a pile of work staring at me making me feel more guilty each day.  Best of luck to you in finding a way to deal with your frustration.

[aadel]

Hiya Toads,

Thank you for your message.  I'm still sitting here, trying hard not to do what I have to do.

Just hearing that there ARE other people on this planet with baggage similar to mine has comforted me.  I like your advice of using a timer and not making a task mood dependent.  Guess what, there's a timer sitting right on my desk, within easy reach of my shaking hand.  I wonder how long it's been squatting there....I wonder if I'll actually pick it up....

Thanks, and all the best!

--aadel

[2009toads]

What is up with that?  I am going through the same thing right now at work.  Things are quiet (less clients) and during that time it would be great to catch up on paper work.  Instead I dread and avoid doing it.   I have that same panic/visceral response (tight chest) and find way too many other things to do, like go on to the internet and posting here!:)

I do think that the BP has something to do with it in that our brains can quickly work against us and send negative messages.  I also think its perfectionism and the tendency to don't do it at all unless everything is just right.  So with my taxes, I first had to have the right pencil, laptop, chair, lighting etc. (Does this sound familiar?)  They are all procrastination strategies.

So what they recommend is to not make a task mood dependent.  Sit down with a timer and say I will do some of this task for 5 mins, no matter how bad I feel.  Once the timer goes off take a breather and stretch.....if you feel like staying keep going.  Do not judge your emotions, just say this is how I feel when I see blank forms and its OK, I am doing the best I can, and will start with one small task.

Good luck!  I am going to move a small pile of paper!