It's hard to give you much in terms of advice without knowing what your diagnosis is and how your doc is dealing with it.
IMO, if you haven't been diagnosed with BP disorder, you need to see a shrink. You really have some symptoms of a BP person and it's something that you need to deal with. I mean, hammering back some energy drinks will rev you up and then you'll crash, but that's not BP disorder and it's not going to cause the mood swings you're experiencing.
It sounds to me that you're a rapid cycle fellow, like me. Before diagnosed, there were days when I had all of the energy in the world and then I would crash. Even now, being treated as BP, I still have my hypomanic days where I am under control, but I am very creative and have put together some solid short stories. There are other days when my brain shuts down and it's not that I don't want to write, but I don't have the ability to do so. My central nervous system is just shut down.
Have you been to the doctor yet? Because you need to go. I think we've been through this. Why your brain? That's a tough question. Why my brain? Why anyone? No one knows. We're all in this together and there is no answer for us. But, you can get help. You just have to ask for it. Okay? I mean, you ask us, but we can't actually help you. All we can do is tell you that you should go to the doctor, because that's what it sounds like you need to do.
I kow it's hard. I know it's scary. But it has to be done. If you ever want to get better, you have to go.
And you're excused for poor grammar. There are more important things going on with you right now than that.
Please excuse my poor grammar, please excuse it..
Now im having extreme derealization. No no no, not tonight. Please!
I dont know what to do. Im so scared.