We aren´t born weaker, with a good childhood we migt be very strong, but we will alvays be high sensetive.
A bipolar and hsperson.
I call it zoning out...you just turn off everything but yet you are still there functioning. It protects me.
I understand what you're saying. I can imagine that would be a very stressful job emotionally and shutting down like that is a survival technique. Like being in war or being a police officer etc.
I don't have the ability to shut off like that. My emotions get the better of me all the time. It is a nightmare sometimes.
I'm highly, HIGHLY sensitive to music. But I have been able at times to totally close off to other stimuli. But here's the dichotomy,,I can't hardly stand to be in bars or restaurants,,or close rooms. But I can shut off emotions so quick or situations it scares me sometimes. when I was in EMS, I saw a lot of wrecks, a lot of death, heard a lot of screaming. You just got to be able to shut that out and do your job. I remember one lady screaming where was her husband, I was crawling into the car to try to cut her lose from her seatbelt, she was upside down. Her husband had slid out of the car and was dead, you could see the imprint of his head on the roof of the car. But you can't think about that then, you just have to do your job and help who can be helped. That's one of the things I think my meds are doing, keeping me from shutting off so quickly. I'm not making much sense to myself right now,,much less anyone else I guess.
I am very sensitive to flashing lights. Any time of constant flashing really freaks me out. This includes strobe lights, police car lights, and those lights that are on office fire alarms. For the most part noise doesn't bother me unless it is multiple noises all at the same time that repeat. Like when both kids are making noises in repetition, that drives me nuts. Ot the t.v. is on and there are other background noises. But in the past few years I also have noticed I don't hear as well as I used to, so that might contribute to that.
" I worked for 911 for a few years, it was great, because my area was very quiet and I'm a multi tasker. I thought about reapply as a dispatcher, but with a BP diagnosis, I wouldn't get hired."
Why not get hired? ADA would protect you. I wouldn't work full time because I identify with the bp disorder but why not work part time? The full time dispatchers need breaks too to take care of their personal affairs. You be on call. Only thing to do is to ask. Flextime is wonderful for bipolars.
I'm a substitute teacher and I have a 90 day teaching certificate. It works out okay for me if I pay attention to my red flags. I been subbing since 2001. I did have problems in 2005. I took time off for about five days. I got my med's adjusted and within a month I was out of my deep depression. And I paid attention about taking my med's and watch out for the red flags....
This year my relaspe was quite different because I didn't pay attention to my health. I was feeling very well for the longest time. I had a mixed state episode this time. I did work but I told my sub coordinator what was going on and they put me on "light duty" for the remaining 7 weeks of the school year. Some of the teachers have been very supportive during that time but we a few teachers who think I shouldn't be in a school environment even though I spend most of my time with special needs students! Those ignorant people have to prove that I'm a danger to myself and others or I will get a ADA advocate on their case. They will be filling out paperwork up their ying yang. What worst than a lawsuit? Paperwork.
I did have a rash with lamotrigine on June 20th so that med is out of the question. I will go to my pdoc in July 20th to find some other med's. So I have another 6 weeks to get me back on a even keel. I have the whole summer off to get well. Subbing don't really start until the Jewish holidays.
I find the work very rewarding and stimulating but I know I can't be a full time teacher. I couldn't do it because I know it would be overwhelming for me and I don't have the stamina to keep up.
I don't get paid much but its better sitting home or doing work that is under-stimulating....who wants to be bored to tears?
I have synesthesia. I was born with it. I thought I was psychotic when it got really bad so of course I went to the doctor and told him I was seeing and tasting sounds. I can also see music. Thats when I learned what I had.
So obviously, i'm extremely sensitive to all the senses. I don't like loud, sudden sounds, mostly. It looks like different patterns to me. It's weird. But I wonder if Bipolar and synesthesia have anything to do with each other? They are both neurological.
I have been extra sensitive with all of my senses my entire life. As I've grown I have forced myself to tolerate some things better, but it is still a struggle. Bright lights and loud noises can make me feel trapped. Specific sounds like people chewing noisily distract and anger me. These senses are the hardest to deal with, because I'm not always able to hide myself away from them. Living in sunny Florida doesn't help.
When I was young, I couldn't handle sour candy or food with even the smallest amount of spice. My tongue would feel like I ate a habanero. I decided one day to gradually spike my food with cayenne pepper. It wasn't easy, but now I can eat mild Mexican food without feeling like a bomb went off in my mouth!
I also have trouble with touching soft things. Cotton balls are like nails on a chalkboard x100. This was very hard for me as a child when there would be craft activities like "glue cotton balls to make Santa's beard." I couldn't explain why it bothered me, so I had to force myself through it. Torture!! I had the opportunity to feel sand from the Sahara desert when I was in middle school. I had no idea how awful it would be. It was like sticking my hand in a cloud.. Most people deeply enjoyed this, but for me it was a shock! Nowadays I still avoid fabrics like velvet, but I can manage to remove a cotton ball from a pill bottle when no one is around to help me.
I do have some OCD tendencies as well. It runs in my family. I learned early on to not let it control my life, but there have been times where my friends pissed me off on purpose by rearranging the order of things. :(
Come on...naive! Some people are naive but not all. I don't call myself naive. I don't expect the world to be perfect. I think the world is a rotten place and it's up to me to make the best of it. Because I am sensitive about the world around me...it keeps out of trouble.
I do agree with OCD. That's a red flag for me. That's a big warning sign I need to back off and go home. I get really worked up trying to look for stuff or get deeply involved with my projects trying to be a perfectionist. I don't know when to quit and I spin out of control. That's to me the hypo mania part of my illness. Your mind is going on high speed.
I don't think it's because I'm trying to be a perfectionist but trying to prove something. I want to prove that I can keep up with everyone else. Having my illness always cheated me in my working life. I never got those promotions because I screw things up and was told I couldn't hack it.
So I decided not to work full-time just part-time. You can't buy happiness.
I just have to keep reminding myself to pay attention to the red flags when they appear and back off because its no fun getting sick.
I may add that being sensitive is part not specifically to BP but to all psych illnesses. Of course one is sensitive otherwise why the hell we fell ill for start. Besides BP are typical perfectionists, straightforward, sensitive and above all naive. People who are twisted, tricky are immune as simple as that. Our nervous system is weak, but its wqeakness is mainly a self-defense mechanism which is badly triggered once we are subjected to noise, strong light,...
Again the perfectionist part is the comorbidity that is associated with our BP, this is OCD. If you ask the pts who are BP the majority will tell you that once in their lifetime were OCD guys. The latter are extremely sensitive, want everything correct. Briefly idealistic by nature. for instance i used to classify people as either good or bad and only when i started to grow older that i became more flexible. I used not to tolerate mistakes from my friends, got angry easily. I want the world to be full of justice. When i was a boy it occurs to my mind that if i get grades A and my colleague B then justice implies that my luck in life should be greater than his.
Now I changed, i expect less from life. You know why. BP came out of the blue after a trauma. Why should this occur for start. Thus i learned to expect the unexpected
Sometime being sensitive is a lifesaver. It got me out of many bad situtations because people can mistreat others by being controlling and you rely on your gut feelings if you feel something is not just not right.
I don't like being with crowds in the mall or being in large parties. It's sensory overload. I do retreat to places that are quite like my home or taking a nice walks in the park.
It might sound crazy but I pick up vibes from other people. I can tell if their decent people, harmful people or people just not having a good day. It's like a intuition or gut feelings about people. You look at their eyes and how they hold their posture. It's strange being able to read people like that. With my recent eposide I noticed I'm doing that more. It's like that sensory reawakening or sensory overload.
It's very hard for me to get close to people except my immediate family. I need a lot of trust and they don't mind my sensitive termperment. I'm really a very shy person. I taught myself to toughen up and not allow my emotions hang on a sleeve because people perceive this as a weakness or someone to step on. I have always put on a persona on to protect myself. I never show my vulerable side because I don't want people see that other side of me. I feel I will be judged or acting very vunerable child. We're suppose to act like adults and not get too emotional about things. So if discovered I'll just clam up.
With this new medications my emotions are very exposed and I'm letting some of my raw emotions side show. It takes people by surprise and some think I'm acting like a little child. With all the bad press about people with mental disorders and being violent or unpredictable I wouldn't be surprise if my co-workers have a taser or mace in their draw to keep the crazy person at bay. I'm just acting paranoid here.
And people feel very uncomfortable when they have a crazy person about. I stopped by my old office to say hello. I found through the grapevine one of the employees was leaving work very abruptly and quite frequently. I could feel the tension in the room and I could sense there was conflict going on between the team members. Everyone stayed mum. I could sense those feelings and they wanted to keep that conflict quite. Sounds crazy doesn't it. Or maybe they felt uncomfortable me being there. I just picked up vibes.
I try my very best to keep my persona on. I taught myself to keep my feelings to myself especially with my disorder. When I was not medicated years ago my home or my apartment was my refuge to scream my heart out and make my complaint in the privacy in my home. I had some terrible work experience and I had to hold those feelings back because I know they didn't like people who were too vocal and I would make things worst. I would rather quit a job than to show that I had a problem. It's quite embarrassing when I fall apart and people look at you differently which never be mended.
Have you noticed children have this sensitivity about them too. I noticed they love to draw and express their emotions very freely but they're told when they get a certain age they must turn off that creative side in them. They need to grow up and that's a shame because it makes a interesting world.
For a society placing diversity on the high list of things being sensitive is not one of them.
I'm just blither on. I really opened myself up with this recent eposide and I get a little confused with my emotions hanging out for all to view.
I was always bothered by stuff like the sight or sound or feeling of rubbing on cardboard or if there's too many sounds going on at once I won't be able to pick out a single one and won't be able to focus well on a conversation going on then. I always thought it was a component of something else though.
repedditive noises drive me crazie too!!! and what about the sense of feeling? thats over whelming for me too... people dont even have to be near me but in the same room and i can feel all there bodies. like in a crowed... i cant take it, theres to much body heat and brushing for me.... sometimes it causes me to get phobic..
I'm the same way Jade, there's a huge list for me. I worked for 911 for a few years, it was great, because my area was very quiet and I'm a multi tasker. I thought about reapply as a dispatcher, but with a BP diagnosis, I wouldn't get hired.
Yes the same issue can happen to me to. I'll have to read that link as a lot of what I experienced seemed to be neurological (and is being studied as such, including as a young person before I even took medication so its complex). Its good to know what aspects of standard mania as part of bipolar apply too for self awareness purposes. Its hard for me as it approaches spring to open the windows because some standard sounds like horns honking, babies crying and car radios set me off. Interesting to know other people experience this as well. I go to sleep with a fan (at all times of the year except when the air conditioning is on) as a white noise machine (but without the expense) and that generally takes care of difficult outside stimuli.
I wonder why it's not talked about? I am also highly sensitive to sound. Yes, sirens, children screaming, barking dogs, trash trucks, an overhead fan unbalanced and clicking, tv or radio too loud, overhead fan in the bathroom, someone talking too loud to me...shhhh...I have to ask, my husbands compressor, the drone of a mill or lathe, whistles, someone clapping their hands, phones ringing, the washer on spin, the dryer running, someone making noise on their end of the phone...it seems amplified and hurts my ears. I could go on and on.
Our world is loud in my perception. I've found earplugs to be a sanity saver. I am not nearly as sensitive to visual stimulation, but the noise is difficult to tolerate.
I guess being a air traffic controller would be a poor career choice.
So would these occupations.
Jack Hammer Operator.
I was thinking about working for a business but the isolation of a cubical would drive me nuts.
That is part of Bipolar and not that talked about. I'm very sensitive to sound, sirens are awful. One of my pet peeves if when someone taps a pen or pencil too much. Sometimes bright colours bother me, when wearing neon was in fashion in the 80's that would bother me greatly. We are highly senstive neurologically, our brains are different.