Aa
Aa
A
A
A
Close
4067477 tn?1450124336

How do I deal with the frustration of my Hypersexuality?

I am in a big quandry--- I am very hypersexual---all the time--even on antidepressants and 3 mood stabilizers. I have never strayed from my marriage-- but my husband has a lower sex drive than other men I've been with  before getting married- and he's not very accommodating alot of the time....This hurts my feelings an makes me feel bad about myself even more. (low self esteem) and I did try masturbating -- but it's not the same as sex with my husband. I guess I need the sex with him to feel loved and connected to him. Though he is the greatest man I know, and treats me very well. We've had some sexual issues in the past-- him with porn and masturbation --which I am VERY against-- to me it's the same as cheating.....Yet here we are 10 years together, and happy. Except for my sex drive. I sometimes think he builds a wall between us to avoid it anymore. and often just blames my bipolar anytime I want to have sex with him-- even if i am just feeling "Normal" in my sexuality--- this hurts. Usually the only time he wants sex is when HE initiates it---- and that is never turned down and is always good, or better than good. But he so very often refuses me if I initiate--- when we first got together that was a big turn on for him---then I got diagnosed as bipolar. He didn't take it well, and didn't support me in anyway for a couple of years. (his ex-wife was bipolar- he knew that when he married her- and they had a terrible marriage and nasty breakup) that was about 5 years before me. It's taken him a long time to become understanding and supportive of me--- I feel like I had to prove myself to him that I was not like his ex.... that hurt too. We finally-- 5 years into our marriage put that ***** to rest. We've had some counseling-- when he was doing porn so much and avoiding sex with me. But we ended up working that out ourselves. Difficult but we did it-- I finally told him its me or porn-- you cant have both--and handed him my wedding ring. He was crushed and began talking with me more and avoiding the porn more and more til he stopped. That was about 4 years ago. We have not had any issue with it since. But back to me--- all that affects me still, (PTSD) and makes me paranoid as hell sometimes. Then I feel more driven to want sex with him so as to keep him satisfied well enough that he won't be tempted to use porn again---then comes my super high sex drive as well--- and we go to bed with me wanting for sex and him wanting just to hold me instead-- often it's very frustrating. But I take what I can get.  I'm not in therapy any more since he lost his job in the oil/gas industry crash a year ago--- we have no insurance except my medicare i get with my disability.....I have my GP write my RX's for my psych meds-- and he added the third mood stabilizer about a month ago. I feel the most "stable" I have ever felt--- to the point of being almost a drone...LOL! (no temper flares, no deep depression- pretty decent sense of self) ... Though
my sex drive and bit of paranoia are my biggest problems. How do I deal with those?  I love my husband very much--- and I seem to be what his world revolves around.... We try to be totally honest with each other-- but sometimes I find that hard to do about my sexuality-- and I feel I am acting as someone I'm really not in bed just to please him and keep him placated. I'm very reserved in bed with him-- not the sex crazed kinky person I used to be with my ex and lover before I met my current husband.... met my current husband..... I feel lost sometimes - like I am lying to him not being my true self-- because I can't let go in bed ---and I know he would just say "it's just the bipolar making you act this way.".....But that's not always true. I can't talk to him about this. Too many reasons to list- but one being I'm scared of how he might react--and call it just a symptom of my bipolar....  I don't know how to deal with the problems in our sex life ( my hypersexuality) ( he thinks nothing is wrong and says he's satisfied as is) We only have sex about 3 times a week, sometimes more. I'd like it every day. :)  He seems indifferent to me, and cold--not very affectionate quite alot. This hurts me.
I need advice on how to handle these feelings and deal with my hypersexuality.... I'm frustrated with myself and with life right now..... (Sorry I rambled on and on...)
2 Responses
Sort by: Helpful Oldest Newest
4067477 tn?1450124336
He is 41 I am 44. Have had hormone testing done-- testosterone levels were normal. No FH of prostate cancer or anything that I know of.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Question: What is his age?  In my marriage it was just the opposite, up until a couple of years ago.  I had the super high sex drive and she didn't. As I've gotten older I think my hormones have something to do with it.  I just turned 52.  In my marriage, we've hit a happy medium.  You may want to look at getting a hormone level done.  It may be as easy as getting some testosterone but if there's a history or family history of prostate cancer they may be reluctant to prescribe it.
Helpful - 0
Have an Answer?

You are reading content posted in the Bipolar Disorder Community

Top Mood Disorders Answerers
Avatar universal
Arlington, VA
Learn About Top Answerers
Didn't find the answer you were looking for?
Ask a question
Popular Resources
15 signs that it’s more than just the blues
Discover the common symptoms of and treatment options for depression.
We've got five strategies to foster happiness in your everyday life.
Don’t let the winter chill send your smile into deep hibernation. Try these 10 mood-boosting tips to get your happy back
A list of national and international resources and hotlines to help connect you to needed health and medical services.
Herpes sores blister, then burst, scab and heal.