Identifying Addictive Behaviors Used to Mask Mood Episodes or Other Problems?

[ILADVOCATE]

I well understand that people with bipolar can sometimes self medicate by engaging in destructive or self destructive behavior. I, myself have been culpable of that in the past in the area of compulsive spending for example. Clearly there is a seperate forum for substance abuse issues but this goes beyond that as much of this involves everyday activities. People could talk about what's a healthy amount of time to spend on the internet or not but when it becomes an addictive behavior its of concern. People probably play the lotto but when does it become a gambling addiction? Or what defines compulsive overeating? Rather than answer these questions one thing I noticed in the past before recovery that binge spending on cd's was a sign of mania. If I had been in my psychiatrist's office he could have spotted that I was manic. Or if I had been alone thinking about it as I would have realized I had racing thoughts. But I was so "involved" in it that I didn't think about it, that is until I got home and saw how much money I had spent. But what's a good way to prevent that kind of thing. Or realize what behaviors are a trigger point that shows something is wrong? I doubt anyone would say cleaning the house is wrong but as I was recently changing mood stabilizers I started compulsively reorganizing and giving away posessions I didn't need. And I realized what it was because I was manic and when the mood stabilizer (Clonidine) reached its full dose it stopped but I stopped it beforehand because my judgment was starting to lag. Can you spot the same signs in yourself? How? And what's the best way to keep them in check?

[CrzyBeautiful1]

I totally agree that what I do is dangerous. One of my sisters is an alcoholic and was previously hooked on meth, so I have a lot of strong feelings about substance abuse. I now know that I was using pain pills to mask my problem. I'm scared to tell my pdoc though, for fear that he will stop prescribing me my anxiety medication, thinking I could hooked on those...and I need them! So I font mention the pain pills. Also, I'm not actually hooked on them. I extremely enjoy taking them but I stop doing it. There are WAY more days I DONT take them than days that I do. I hardly ever take them, actually. It's just that when I do, I really like them. It starts out taking one for a headache or backache (I have a lot of back problems) and then I'll take them for a few more days throughout the day when I don't need them. Then I'll stop for a long time again.

[opus88]

to comment on your poll
my son covered up his BP with substance abuse for abt 10 years....from abt mid to late 20's...as long as he used he could prevent the crashes and maintain the 'high'...took a long time and a good pdoc to sort out which came first the abuse or the BP..its now evident that in truth looking back he has had symptoms of BP since his teen years.

[Xila31]

I would say maybe I'm lucky because of my paranoia. I know that sounds stupid, but hear me out. So, I don't want people to hate me or think I'm crazy, but this drives me to try to act normal, plus I think I'm bipolar 2, so maybe that helps but my depression can be sever. When I was a kid my peers were excessively mean to me. It was rather traumatizing, since I still have problems from it. Well, so in high school and college I took psychology as a way to try to figure out "what was wrong with me." I never thought I was normal or I belonged. I knew I was depressed and suicidal. So, I learned that if I'm starting manic I feel all jittery and I start fidgeting more, I can't concentrate or read long articles or books, and so on. So, I would know exactly what I was feeling and fight it. I push people away. I don't let them know how I feel. I just do my best to talk about something else. I just try to pretend that I'm normal and follow a routine as best I can. Of course, it doesn't always work and there are always triggers, but I do the best I can.

When I'm depressed I just sort of pull in and move along as best I can, forcing myself to move even when I feel frozen.

I learned not to ask for help because people don't believe me, like my dad, he wouldn't get me help. I would tell him I need help and he would just tell me everyone has problems and shut up. Or, just get over it. So, it is really strange to be here and see people with similar problems. I thought it was just me.

[ILADVOCATE]

I would be really careful about that as those can be quite addictive and potentially dangerous. I am not judgmental as addicitions of that nature run in one branch of the family (although they attended recovery groups and stopped) but I would strongly suggest a dual recovery group and there is a forum for that as well. Recovery of that nature is very difficult but considering the long term effects quite worthwhile. If they are masking mania or hypomania that's untreated it would make sense to speak to your psychiatriast about that.

[CrzyBeautiful1]

I'm still pretty new at pin pointing what manic or hypomanic is for me, but I can definitely say for sure that  I turn to pain pill when I'm in an agitated state. Pain pills make me EXTREMELY happy and give me energy. I will call everyone I know asking if they have any. Its really scary.

[MrsL]

Hello to alll, I am new to this forum but not to the symptoms of BP.
I have been off my meds now for over 5 years, after taking them on a regular basis for 12 years.
When I first weaned myself off them I got sick,a few months my mother died which sent me spiraling. SoI got back on the meds briedly, then stopped again.
I find that my manic episodes are from my surroundings and the people that I am interacting with.
Ya, know what, when I am sick it takes two weeks with or without my meds to settle me down.
My Dr is stumped, I suppose I am not normal and certainly don't advise other to stop their meds!
But I have rode it out a couple of times without meds and WOW so.., PAINFUL~ The Laughing and Crying Episods Can ya'll relate?
How about thinking that folks on TV or radio are talking to you?
Yea, I know it is psychotic, and I know while it is happening that I am sick.
Sleep and R and R seem to help the most.
I can't hold down a real job on or off the meds.
Just venting here, so no need to lecture me to get on my meds again, they make me sleep 18 hours a day when I take them.
Been to a dozen shrinks and I won't even do the "therapy" anymore.

[zzzmykids]

Before I was diagnosed but we had moved to a new city and new no one.  I went into a "going out of business" store and bought ALOT of stuff.  In this city, my husbands first paycheck for sales commission was um less than one hundred dollars and I just charged about five hundred dollars.  He made me take them back.  The only took about one hundred back and said sorry all sales are final.   I cut up my charge cards, bank cards and chose not to use the check book. I still live this way.  I put myself on a grocery, dog food, incidentals, kids and my clothing budget.  Did the envelope thing for up until two years ago making envelopes with gas, dog stuff, kids needs, my needs, groceries and incidentals. Granted at first I didn't do so well. But as time went on, I did better and now I can save. Remember when the store cards came out, for grocery, walmart, department stores? I began putting the money on cards instead of in envelopes.
I don't get into trouble that way anymore.  For compulsiveness about cleaning, I stopped and there are dust bunnies, laundry not folded but I am not getting on the grown people in my home.  I will go back to using a cleaning service when they leave and that way I don't worry about it, they take care of it. I binge when I lose a lot of weight and gain it all back haven't figured out how not to do that one.  Last year I weighed about fifty pounds lighter and then as soon as I goaled out, I started binging out.
I do still compulsively worry what my family that is living under my roof is thinking of me because I am not the mom I once was to them.
ILADVOCATE, rip the cards up, leave majority of cash at home and go enjoy looking and people watching.
zzzmykids

[Alex_X_18]

Yeah I think mania can make you obsess over certain things...
I guess my warning signs
are
obessing over my grades
(I mean to the point where I cry over a failed test grade)
getting aggitated and not letting stuff go
(like normally I'm pretty empathetic but when
I'm manic I get angry much easier)
or becoming obesessed with my diet
(like eating nothing but veggies and soymilk)
I just make sure to take my meds with me everywhere I go
thats what my doctor advised me to do.
So it doesn't matter where I'm at I can simply
take them before my mania gets too out of control.

[lagatta]

I never go shopping when I'm hypmanic.  Part of the reason I don't go shopping is because when hypomanic I am not able to make good decisions.   I'm such a spendthrift that I've always been cautious during those times.  However, I have used other ways to dull my feelings, which are just as destructive or perhaps even more so to my health.

I'm also a total Internet addict.  I'm very aware that this is a way to avoid negative feelings but I'm not sure how to deal with them otherwise.  

My best defence is by following a daily plan of well-being which includes proper sleep, exercise, meditation, journaling and taking my meds.  Avoiding stress is also imperative.  Following such habits inhibits my hypomania.

[theislandbaby]

I was diagnosed with BP in June 2008.  I masked my BP with alcohol.  Which made the BP worse and then I drank more.....  a horrible downward spiral.  I thought that I was going to die from drinking.  I had sought out treatment for depression; and the doctors were always to quick to hand me an SSRI which made me go mental and drink even more.  The last 10 years have been a nightmare.  I am thankful we finally found out what was really going on and now I am dealing with it.

I am taking Epival and Wellbutrin XL.  This combo really works for me.  Virtually no side effects.  I can't drink on them or I suffer dearly; so that has to be a good sign.  I don't have that need to go on a drinking binge.  It is like night and day.  I haven't had any episodes for almost a year.  

[faith_grl]

Yikes I totally relate! I have a problem with food addiction and most of the time it is under control with a 12 step program. Ever since my diagnosis with bipolar I noticed that when I am manic I get really shaky and I mistake that for hunger and so I eat HEAPS to calm me down. Like today I ate 20 biscuts after lunch...*sigh* not good!

I am also on Epilim which seems to increase my appetite. Lexapro though is good for mananging appitite....it is all very confusing!

Well...tomorrow I am going to get back to the usual...a food plan and sticking to it even if I am manic. If I shake I suppose I could have a cup of tea?

[hell1971]

Im just learning about my triggers but for me, I think being on the computer researching, reading and now on this forum is a definate sign for me, the more I am on here indicates how bad I am at the time, when I was really becoming ill and ended in a mixed state I was on here 24/7 but I was also using it as a support but it does become obsessive and like you bulldozer I am very deflated if I dont get a response to a post. The funniest trigger I have learnt is my inlaws, we have worked out that everytime they come and visit I become hypomanic, decorate rooms, spend money I dont have and then become depressed when they are here, how to I deal with this one, ummm. I become obsessive about the house, cleaning until I hurt, working both ends of the day without a break.

[Narnia41]

That's a very good question though I don't really know the answer.  I'd say coming on here frequently is more constructive, certainly not self-destructive quite the opposite.

I know that I have an addictive personality, and that in the past I have engaged in destructive and addictive behaviours purely to 'self-medicate' my mood states (didn't realise this at the time of course)  That was before I was on medication.  I'm now more self-aware having faced my demons through therapy, but I'm by no means 'cured' I just try really hard to stay away from anything that can alter my mood one way or the other (ie alcohol, inappropriate relationships)

I think using the internet to research our illness and learn from others experience etc is not an unhealthy pastime, it's educating ourselves.  I do it alot more when I'm mixed/hypomanic, just have to be strict with myself that it doesn't become obsession 24/7 and I'm in front of the laptop when I should be sleeping.  When I'm depressed I can't find the energy or the inclination.    

[bernie40]

Is coming on here frequently throughout the day and evening an obsession/addiction?  Or is it because I have too much time on my hands?  If nobody has posted and I feel "let down" is this a sign that this is an addiction?  The fact that I spend more time with my laptop than I do anything else -

Ok, if I can't go on my laptop do I get anxious or angry? -  sometimes
Do I feel let down when there is no activity on the forum? -  often
Can i keep myself off the laptop? - yes

So my honest thoughts on this are which behaviours are really signs of addiction and which are purely over thinking a behaviour?

I can see that short periods of over spending, internet use, inappropriate socializing etc are indicative of mania but what about the ones that are continuous?

[Narnia41]

Shortly after my diagnosis I attended a Bipolar therapy course.  One day we had to write down a list of our mania warning signs so that in future we could refer to it if we thought an episode was coming on.  

My warning signs were internet related, obsessing, researching, spending hours in the middle of the night at the computer.  At the time I thought this was normal, and if my husband came to see what I was doing I would scream at him to leave me alone.  

Alcohol is another warning sign for me that I'm becoming manic or that I'm in an agitated mixed state.  I try never to touch it but sometimes, it's like I have to have it to 'numb down' the emotions, and nothing else will do.

The third one is obsessing about men who I'd met during manic episodes, seeking contact with them again, becoming absolutely obsessed to the point of addiction, needing a 'fix' from just contact with another man but not my husband.  If I failed to hear from the person it would drive me into despair.  If they did respond it would send me euphoric.  Didn't matter who it was, just needed that 'fix' of attention, this I now realise was relationship addiction, something I'm still working hard to recover from.

I can see my addictive behaviours now as warning signs that I'm becoming unstable.

[ILADVOCATE]

  Okay I'll post first and maybe other people will feel more comfortable. No need to detail anything personal. I was on a political debating site. It was a good practice of social skills and a way to get my idea across. Then suddenly I began to find that's all I was doing. I do have insomnia and disrupted sleep so if I woke up early if someone had posted an arguement against me I'd be compelled to get out of bed, check my computer and post an arguement back. It was an almost 24/7 thing. It was in some ways an addiction even though I was doing something constructive. I ended up off the site due to reasons beyond my control (cannot detail but was officially sided as "in the right" leave it at that). When I looked back I realized that I didn't know these people and the fact that I had to have them accept positive ideologies about disability and the like just showed I was grasping at straws. I hardly knew these people lol. Thinking back "who cares?". Things are best done on a larger scale.
  I learned the hard way about the reality of internet harassment and to enter political debates with the idea that you will not "change the world" that way and to avoid unmoderated forums. I do go on political debates now but if the tone of them gets ugly I make a concession to a point I agree on and back out. It was an addiction and perhaps a sign of emergent mania. Either way, its something to learn to keep in check. That's one example and one I feel comfortable disclosing.