Is it likely I have BPD?

[kaya03]

My first depressive state was when I was in second grade. I would tear my ceiling panels down and scream and kick at my parents. I was always a very up and down type of person and changed my mind all the time. I was certain I had ADHD and was diagnosed two years ago, (16 now). I have always been highly anxious as well and had extreme hypochondria about getting cancer. It was debilitating. I have gone to six therapists and been on five medications to help manage my depression and anxiety. Sometimes my depression is just flat out depression and I have suicidal ideation, but other times it goes hand in hand with anxiety. Other times, I am very elated and almost manic (but I have never had delusions or been truly manic, I think I am more hypomanic). The thing is that my mood swings are much to common to be bipolar type 1 or 2. I might be elated for a week but also highly anxious, then depressed (usually for longer than that). Other times, I can be super elated in the morning and be crying myself to sleep at night. Also, I may have Seasonal Affective Disorder as I live in the far north and get little sunlight during the winter months. So I am not sure what is wrong with me. I am desperate for answers, I just want to feel normal. I also do this thing where I pick at the skin around my fingers to the point where they will bleed all over my hands and I will have to get up in the middle of class to wipe the blood off. It is nearly non stop. It is also really gross and I get teased about it but I can't stop... I am very smart as well, my professionally tested IQ is 138, and I've heard that there is a correlation between smart people and Bipolar disorder... I don't know. I am just searching for answers. I don't think its hormones either, I've had them tested and they're well within the normal range. I just want to know if this is something I should bring up to my therapist about so I can maybe get mood stabilizers. Being so up and down affects all aspects of my life negatively. I am currently on Zoloft, BuSpar, and Vyvanse.

Thank you all/

[KurtCobains_sidehoe]

So, you are saying your moods swing very fast? It is possible to have BPD - borderline personality disorder. Some sympmtoms are swings (they swing fast and it is not only depression and euphoria but also anger, anxiety…), dissociation, self damaging behavior, disorted self image, unstable ralationships, fear of abandonment. But it is only possible if you have expirienced trauma in the past. Can you describe your symptoms when you are feeling "up"? How long do they last and do they really last all day without changing emotions? Also: sometiomes antidepressants like SSRI can cause your mood to increase.

[kaya03]

when i’m feeling up i feel like my whole world is amazing. like i can look forward to everything and i’m filled with energy. i always have really high confidence and sass when i’m high, like i’m on top of the world. i also get anxiety though and can tremble because i have so much energy. usually it does last all day, or just for a week or two. then i’m back to being sad or just normal which lasts for about a month. and i have had a LOT of trauma in the past including sexual assaults and bullying and an abusive boyfriend.

[specialmom]

Sorry for the abuse and trauma in your life.  I don't think bipolar really is caused by things like that but it certainly impacts things and am sorry you've had any suffering.  You sound like you are describing a typical pattern with BPD which is cycling between high and low. The high can be dangerous because people make unsafe choices feeling 'invincible'. But generally, yes, it feels good to those with Bipolar.  People close to them usually find it very hard to deal with when they are on this end of the spectrum.  The low is equally dangerous for obvious reasons.  Deep depression is not only terrible but can also lead to poor choices.  No one can diagnose you though over the internet so it is important to be evaluated by a mental health professional. Is this something that you can do?  Do you have access?

Also, you put this at the end of an older thread, it helps to start your own to get more answers.  Stay in touch with us, we want to help you.  

[specialmom]

duh, this IS your own thread.  Apologies. disregard the previous comment about more answers on your own thread.  

[KurtCobains_sidehoe]

So sorry about your past expireinces i hope you are getting better. I think ou are more likely to have borderline than bipolar disorder due to trauma and fast mood swings. You could also have both. But anyways you should seek for help, i think therapy would help you to get over your past trauma. You can also seek for psychiatrist help if these symptoms are causing moderaste or severe problems in your life and relationships and they will decide if you also need medication.

[KurtCobains_sidehoe]

Also (to avoid confusion): BPD means borderline personality disorder, BD means bipolar disorder