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1222235 tn?1266967901

Living and coping with bipolar husband

Have had 15 years of chaos, anxiety, panic attacks, living and coping with a husband who I thought was abusive, but only after him leaving me 4 years ago when I was 64 after 25 years togethr, was he diagnosed with bipolar after 2 years therapy just before xmas.  We r back together together again, he trying to cope with it and me dealing with it having been given some coping skills.  HOWEVER, it's not that easy being on the other end of it as it still goes on, although I do get an apology now.  I have been weakend oer the years over it, and suffer anxiety, fatigue worse now, because I have my own problems of Fybromyalgia and Chronic fatigue and I am now 68.  IWe are going on a round OZ trip at the end of March together and I need dto know whether he will either get worse with me being onour own, and me not having the independence of a car etc. or whether he will improve and get back to being a normal man once the stress of selling up his business and having retired and going on a more relaxed lifestyle.  I m not locked in for life to this trip if things go pear shaped, but would like to spend the rest of my life with this man.  Comments would be so very welcome.
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800339 tn?1270433486
I agree with heyjude1 that stress does play a role.

Bipolar is for life.  It can be managed, but you cannot expect it's ugly head to disappear.  There will be "pear-shaped" moments, how big they will be is unknown.  So ask yourself, how "big" are you able (willing) to tolerate?  It sound as if you have a lot on your plate already, so be sure to have defined boundaries and limits set.  Make sure this man knows of your boundaries and limits and that you are not "locked in for life... but would like to spend the rest of [your] life with this man".

Some questions to ask yourself would be:

Is he in a tight financial bind where selling his business would cause extra stress? (i.e. does he need the money right now?)
Is there turmoil involving other people and the selling of his business?
Is his business losing money, and that is why he's looking to sell?
Overall, are there any variables that may add extra stress to selling a business?

I can only imagine selling a business is stressful, but if there are no extra variables, perhaps he needs to learn some stress management techniques, or look into getting some medications tweaked.  This is something to consider on your part.  If he is unable to handle the "normal" selling of a business stress, how do you expect him to handle regular everyday stress?  Which brings me to this question: how did he handle planning for your guys' round OZ trip?  Everyone will react to different kinds of stress individually.  If he reacts strongly to any kind of stress, it probably needs to be addressed with medication.  If he only reacts strongly to financial stress, then perhaps he needs to learn some management tecniques.

I am Bipolar, and finances definitely stress me out.  Medication, insurance, student loans, everything adds onto the stress of managing my finances.  But you have to figure that most people have to deal with insurance, student loans and medication.  Which brings me to the point that I just need to learn how to better tolerate my stress.

I hope this helped (and made sense).  C:

Best of luck,

HoᴖeyNᴗt
Helpful - 0
1192491 tn?1265031829
Bless your heart, it sounds like you have been thru the mill and to still love this man and still willing to give him another chance..bless you.

I can only speak for myself, but normally there are triggers (things that throw us off) and one of my main triggers is stress.  Actually, I think it is a trigger for most people but when you are Bipolar it seems harder to handle.  I just recently  went on SSDI because I can no longer handle stress and work due to this.  The least little stress in my life throws me into a terrible episode.  So, with that being said, yes, I woul think removing the stress would help your husband alot. It seems age (I'm 57) and a lifetime of stress kind of wears us down like erosion to a rock.
Also, it is imparitive that your husband stay on his medication and if he starts having signs that he is going into an episode, get him to the doctor to tweak his meds.  It would probably be beneficial to both of you if you read and learn as much as you about Bipolar, it will help you as well as him.  Bipolar is life long illness and will not ever go away but with proper meds it can help to keep it at bay most of the time.  

One thing you may watch for is your husband going into a depression if he does not do something to keep himself busy when he retires...I would make sure he has a hobby or something to do.  Boredom give us time to think negative thoughts and that can certainly led to depression.
I hope you have a wonderful trip and I wish you and your husband the best to come!Bless you, Jude.
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