Not technically a medical question, but is about BPD.
I have been getting Social Security Disability payments since 2003 and just got the paperwork for a review to determine if I am still disabled. Is it paranoia or legitimate to worry that they will go out of their way to manipulate things in order to deny my review?
Since my initial determination I (part of my disability is my memory problems) my condition has changed. I had severe psychosis during a manic episode and was hospitalized. I will have to ask my mom or doctor that I had then if there were other hospitalizations. Also, I now have mixed episodes. I had a bad mixed episode last spring/summer (lasted months) and avoided hospitalization only because at the time I was still living with my mom and stepdad still and they are supportive & knowledgable and we have agreements on what to do in which situaitons. If I had been living on my own I would have been in the hospital. these past couple of months I have been doing very well. But not because my condition has improved, my treatment has improved. I now live in an apartment with my dog, but I live down the street from my mom and I am there every day because I MUST have someone who is very familiar with me and my disorder seeing me since I can go into severe & dangerous mood episodes and not realize it. If the situation weren't that I could see them every day I wouldn't be able to live in my own apartment, I'd have to still live with them. I still need a lot of help doing mental tasks due to memory problems, disorganized thinking, easily overwhelmed, and need for direction/redirection. I can only drive to the doctor and stuff because I was gotten a GPS. Until then my mom had to drive me everywhere. I do volunteer at the animal shelter now. I visit and walk dogs, fold some laundry. A few hours a few days a week. The vet/president there knows me well, the volunteer organizer has a mental health work background, and the manager, they are aware that I have to monitor my stress level & there may be times when I have to not come in & they also know about my Social Anxiety Disorder (can be more limiting than BP1D).
So overall my situation is better, but it is in a huge part due to the fact that the stress of a job isn't sending me over the edge like it did before I applied the first time.
I am terrified that now that I feel things are going smoothly these past few months, finally after years of chaos, that I'm going to be thrown to wolves and I'm afraid of how I will respond or react to being denied.
Any thoughts?