Major help! My kids are starting to act like my violent bipolar husband

[2happykids]

My husband has bipolar and is on depokort 1000mg a day and effexor xr 75mg a day.half the time he forgets to take it and i have to put it in his mouth on my own.how childish,i am still learning on how to deal with all this,he takes his meds and still no change he has been on others such as lithium and that did not work.he comes home at night and any little noise from  the kids he goes crazy on them.if the dog barks he will slap the dog and knock him on the ground.i cant ask a simple ??? he will jump down my throat.when i talk to him on the phone during the day while he is at work he is fine and happy and sweet and loving but the minute he walks in the door me and the kids want to run away.a little over a year ago he tried killing me with my 6 year old present and now if we fight it terrofies her and me.if he is in a bad mood or acting weird i will sleep with a knife.my doctor has me on xanax 3 times a day for the past year because of severe post tramatic stress disorder from him trying to kill me.and i have to  take that so i am not scared of him but my kids have nothing to take.he is always yelling at them mainly my older son.he calls him aweful names and child should not hear and will not do anything with my kids like other fathers do.he will not go in the yard and play ball instead he will tell my son to go pick up limbs and stuff in the yard.dinner time is not pleasant my husband will go off on my kids about things they did during the day and ground them or punish them.and then we are not allowed to say a word at the dinner table.i thought dinner time was family time.now i have noticed my kids boy and girl 6 and 10 hit each other,yell and scream and fight each other.my husband has a look in his eyes when he is mad and it is very scary and when i get on to my son (10yrs)he yells at me and gets that look.my daughter (6yrs)is the same.it seems like learned behavior.i have done so much research on this and still dont know what to do and how to deal with all this and get my kids back to normal.they are going to grow up thinking treating people this way is ok.now his doctor has moved him down to seeing him once every 2 months instead of once a month..i dont know what to do.i want to leave but have no where to go and when he sees  the doctor the doctor tells him he has to do some of the work it is not all his meds and he is so sweet and nice for 1 day and then back to mean and hateful...please help!

[2happykids]

i tried calling his doctor and he is on vacation!! go figure..yes i have my parents but ifeel like such a failure and there is a lot of people out there with bipolar and there souses dont act like this.he is verbally mean! there is not a day that goes by that he doe snot yell at my kids and call them names.and they act just like him and that gets me upset and irate and i end up grounding them and being the bad mom.i know he does not tell his doctor everything because he is afraid the doctor will put him in the hospital and then i am afraid if i leave he will try and hurt himself.i dont know i am lost...when he tried killing me over a  year ago yes i did leave for a long time and we went to counseling and then he started seeing him dctor which diognosed him with severe bipolar.you know alot of times i think that is his excuse so he can act like that and say things and do things to get away with it because if you go to his work (he does work 2 jobs which is nice not to have to deal with him but his nights off are aweful and we dread them)but if you go to his work he is all smiling and happy and playing and joking around with his friends and everything and the minute he walks in the door he quits smiling and talking and goes and yells at every little sound.i think i am going to make sure he never knows when my kids act up so he does nt get on to them.he will call my son all kinds of names and so my son is quite and no friends and and everything and i think that is my husbands fault.i feel like i am starting to have his  temper and attitude....oh and if he finds out i tried calling his DR he will go off on me...

[bernie40]

you cannot stay in this situation, it is not fair on your children.  I know it is hard to break away but you must find the strength for the sake of your children.  They do not deserve to live in fear and yes they will learn behaviour from their father which they think is ok because they see it on a daily basis.

please find someone who can help you take the necessary steps, whether that be removing him or moving out.

may I also suggest, could you write to his pdoc telling him exactly what is happening at home so that he is aware, tell him exactly how you are feeling and what is happening to the children.

Thinking of you.

Helen

[Venora Moonwind]

you know you dont have to be the one to leave the house . You can make him leave.There are steps you can take to get him out. First see a lawyere and start recording all the isntances of abuse.
Second even itf you do have to move out with the kids. It would be so much better for them not to be witnessing and getting this abuse. there are womeans shelter and lots of other organizatiions that can help you leave this man. I will keep you and your children in my prayers.
Love Venora

[2happykids]

he has a psychiatrist that he saw once a month and now it is once every 2 months.he does not hit(trying to kill was once and i never dreamed it would happen)but the mental and emotional abuse is what we get but it is so hard  to walk away because me and my kids would have to move out of the house...its hard here he comes ill write later

[RubyShooz]

You and your children are suffering from both physical and emotional ABUSE!  You must not tolerate this.  If your husband refuses to get additional medical help for his bipolar, perhaps different combination of medicines or a different doctor, even hospitalization, then you must think of your children first and remove them and yourself from such a toxic environment.

I do not say this lightly -- but even temporarily moving away from this violent man, until he gets needed medical treatment, seems like the best course of action.  I am bipolar, fortunately not violent -- but I do suffer from depression, anxiety and mania.  So I understand how difficult this situation is for your family.  (I am on medication and see my psychiatrist regularly)

Best of luck to you.

[2happykids]

he does consult with his doctor and i have only gone with him 1 time and he does not like me going.i dont think he tells his doctor everything because he does not want to be baceracted or something.
he does not think it is serious enough for me to go to a support group or even him.he is an ex marine and he acts as if he is a drill sgt or something.my son yelled at me today and i took care of it and disiplined him and then my husband came home and he got it again from his dad..he does not hit or spank it is all yelling and threatening.i dont know what to do.

[Jikan]

Namaste,

The question is, why are you still there?

There are community resources available to assist you in changing your current living conditions,

It doesn't appear that his behavior is going to change and I don't know if it's his bipolar disorder or if there are other factors involved. His doctor should be aware of his behavior at home and unless he consults with him, he probably doesn't know and therefore cannot deal with them.


It often takes time to determine the proper medication or combination of medications to properly control bipolar disorder.

The question is whether you want to stay around and continue to be abused or take control of your life?

Michael