5509652 tn?1391228815

Mood Swings Need Help

I have massive mood swings. I go from being extremely depressed to extremely happy and energetic without warning. Sometimes it's days or weeks between the huge change in mood. The more I look back on things, the more I realize this isn't recent. It's been happening for years now. I think I am just noticing it a lot more now as I have much more to deal with.
I have anger problems. They are bad. I cannot handle them. Especially when I get angry towards my kids. I'm not meaning to be angry at them. It's more at myself because I can't get them to settle down or I'm just frustrated because they are not doing things the way they should. And, here's the honest hard truth. I often want to hurt them. I don't want to physically harm them or abuse them. But the anger turns into that. It turns into violence.
And yes, there are times when I am more rough with them than is needed. But majority of the time, I have been able to walk away. I either walk away, or I take my frustration out on myself by punching my head or arm, scratching, biting etc. I'm honestly scared I will lose control and hurt them. That's the hardest part of it.
But, I'm not always like that. A lot of the time, I am super happy, very energetic and I feel I can accomplish anything. I have plans of running a marathon and a tough mudder event. Some days, I'm all 100% let's go for it!, whereas others I have no motivation to get out of bed, only reason I do is the kids.
I have been on the anti depressants 3 months now and I am supposed to be going to counselling as well. My only problem with counselling is my appointment dates seem to always land on a date when I'm in a good state. Then I end up feeling it's pointless and don't go to the next one. But then when I am in a 'bad' state, I'll make the appointment, but since I don't get in til a week or two later, things end up good again. I am so worried to tell anyone about everything completely because I don't want to lose my kids. Especially with going for full custody right now.
When I'm in a good state, I really feel I can do anything. I talk to everyone, my mind races, I have done a lot of reckless out of the norm stuff, I spend like crazy on stuff i really do not need. I have huge goals and aspirations. I often start many projects, but I never seem able to stick with one thing or finish it.
And then out of nowhere, I hit a down. I isolate myself, I avoid situations and if I had plans I usually cancel them. I cry all the time, i end up being so tired but usually can't sleep. I just don't want to do anything.

I'm at a loss of what to do right now. Does this sound like Bipolar Disorder? I have a few people mention it to me, and was wondering. What do I do? How do I get help?
5 Responses
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5764859 tn?1400881756
This  should be taken very seriously. If you have bp which I cannot say though your symptoms seem to show you do or could be something else. I have to ask this even if it makes you angry but are you harming your children if so you can get help and learn to manage your anger or something worse can happen if you lose your temper you may hurt them or yourself. Get help immediately, call a crisis line or something or someone who you trust. This doesn't mean you would have your children took away especially if you are seeking help, you said you are in a custody battle so even the more. There are plenty of medications  for your symptoms and a dr can make a diagnosis. Don't put this off any longer. And please keep talking with others here and keep us informed. Best of health and prayers to you.
Helpful - 0
6827092 tn?1389384819
As Robin said. It sounds like bipolar. I have very similar symptomps to yours including anger. Antidepressant on its own didn't help. I am on bp meds now and much better so far. Please get help asap. It won't dissapear on its own.
Also go for councelling even if you feel well. The good side of it is that you will be able to explain what's going on whilst when you are low probably not. They will notice if you will be high. Also writing journal can help as you can read it to your therapist. You will also find patterns and triggers to your behavior.
The other thing is to try to have a good and regular sleep as sleep deprivation has anourmous impact on our mood. There are plenty of information online about it.
But pls seek help now. All the best. Marie
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Those symptoms could certainly be from bipolar disorder, but you'll need a psychiatrist or psychologist to diagnose you.  You clearly need help, and you know it.  Make an appointment to see a psychiatrist, and make sure it's for an hour or so as an intake so that you have plenty of time to talk.  Write down your issues so that you can remember them, especially if you're in a good state when the appointment comes.  Start journalling so that you can actually keep track of things.  Finally, get a friend to make you keep your appointment, someone you trust to drag you there even if you don't want to go.

It's even more important to go, because if you are bipolar, being on antidepressants without some sort of mood stabilizer can make you worse--they can trigger mania in some people.  Don't stop taking them by yourself, but you need to get in to see someone about it.  Use that as one motivation to get to your appointment.

You might want to come up with an action plan for when you're feeling like you're going to do something to your kids.  Depending on their age, you might have a talk with them to explain that mommy isn't really mad at them when that happens, and arrange for them to go to their rooms, or even to a neighbor's house to be babysat for a while until you can calm down.  Make arrangements before you're in a bad situation.  A therapist can help create an action plan.  Google NAMI (national alliance on mental illness)--they have a number of good resources.

Remember that there is hope.  There are a number of medications that can smooth things out, preventing things like anger, agitation, reckless spending, racing thoughts, and overwhelming depression.  The crazymeds.us medication wiki has a rundown in plain English on a number of different drugs.  Just don't be put off by side effects--they may sound scary, but you aren't guaranteed to get them, and plenty of over the counter meds have a bunch of scary-sounding side effects if you actually read the prescribing information.  And side effects often go away, or can be dealt with in other ways.  My lamotrigine gives me acne (extremely rare side effect), but it's more than worth it for the sake of my sanity.
Helpful - 0
5509652 tn?1391228815
Thank you all.
My daughter is 15 months and my son is 4 months. So they are still young to understand what Mommy is going through, but the hard part of course is that they experience a happy mom one moment and an angry mom the next. That's not fair to them. I don't want them to grow up being scared of me because I can flip at any moment.

I have opened up here about it and have talked to a few close friends about it. It has been suggested I look into Bipolar, as well as Borderline Personality Disorder. I show signs of both, leaning more towards Borderline. Anyways, I am calling my counselor Monday for an appointment with her. I have been using the mood tracker on here, and am keeping a daily journal. Writing down thoughts from the day, and writing down concerns with things in my past that I never really noticed were problematic before now.
Like the fact I have never been able to form and keep relationships. I have always pushed people away before they got too close. Just recently I was rejected by a guy for the first time and I cried for 20 minutes about it...we barely even knew each other. :/
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
The borderline vs. bipolar thing is tough, because rapid cycling bipolar can start to look an awful lot like borderline.  Some people believe that there is no distinction, that they're parts of a single continuum, while others believe that they are different, but with a lot of overlap, and that it's possible to have both.

It is possible to treat borderline, but it's a lot of work.  Dialectical behavioral therapy is the usual method, although they've expanded its use to things like bipolar.  The traditional thought is that meds don't help for borderline, but some people seem to benefit from a mood stabilizer, so I wouldn't rule out meds or say it's hopeless if that's the diagnosis that comes back.  

Keep up the journalling and mood tracking.  It will really help you later.  I have a really hard time remembering how I actually felt during an episode, or even on a day to day basis, which make patterns hard to find.  And I forget how bad it *actually* was.  

You're not in for an easy time, but you're doing the right thing for yourself and your kids.  
Helpful - 0
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