Need Diagnosis

[Cin50]

My 16 year old son had viral menangitis when he was 13.  He has never been the same kid.  He has always been on an ED Plan, struggled in school but ever since he had the menangitis he has become increasingly angry, grades are falling, he is now in 10th grade failing all of his classes.  He is extremely angry all the time, punching holes in walls.  He does attend all of the appointments I make for him, with psyciatrists etc.  He was diagnosed with ADHD and tried Concerta, Focalin XR, and Strattera and all made him worse, more aggrivated, angry, depressed.  He is currently no on any medication but still hard to deal with.  He frequently walks out of school, will have a cigarette (fairly new habit) and then go back to school.  He has tons of discipline hours, suspensions, etc.  The school has agreed to send him to a collaberative school and we just began seeing a new psyciatrist who is trying to get to the bottom of the issues.  He does have learning disabilities in reading, retaining the information and processing it.  He complains all the time that he cannot focus, stay on task.  He is defiant against any kind of rules imposed on him, and is always angry, swearing at us, telling us off then he will just go to sleep like nothing happened.  Recently he has started to refuse to get out of bed to go to school.  I do not know what to do anymore!  He does not want to quit school but says that no one understands how he feels and he needs help.  We cannot seem to find the right solution...please help if you can.

[bigkev414]

I had viral menengitis 9 years ago aged 54 and I have to say that I am very, very sorry for your boy. I had never had any serious illness before and the experience was horriffic. I am a graduate electrical engineer with accounting qualifications also and operated as a seniour corporate manager (multi national co, 2000 employees under my control) for years and then my own very successful business. I am also a night person, intelligent, and since the illness the most frustrated, angry person imaginable! I cannot concentrate, I cannot handle more than one thing at a time, I cannot make even simple decisions anymore and I just don't want to get out of bed a lot of the time either.
I had brain scans which failed to identify any damage following the menengitis and they can only show 'mechanical damage' - not what it has really done to me.
As your boy is young he has time to improve. I was expelled from school at an early age, was a 'delinquent' and spent most of my time in the pool hall. I WAS BORED TO DEATH WITH IT ALL! I have a feeling that maybe your son feels the same. He sounds frustrated to me, and boy can that make you angry. Couple that with being a teenager with the physological changes he is going through and he sounds like he's having a hell of a time, and giving you one as well.
Have you thought of trying a different track with him altogether? I mean, is there ANYTHING that really interests him? Could you find out and try to direct his attention towards it if there is something and maybe worry about the 'traditional' schoolwork later, if he responds or grows out of his attitude naturally?
I know I did get fairly successful later in life even though it would have been a lot easier if I'd behaved when I was at school but I didn't. Maybe this will help a bit;  but if not at least you aren't on your own.
best wishes

[DLA]

Let me know what happens with him.  Will continue to pray for you both.

[Cin50]

You know, you are so right!  I have been saying that he has never been the same since the meningitis.  He is currently in braces, but they are coming off the beginning of May.  I have already had him see a neurologist and they will be doing an MRI on his brain with weighted imaging which will tell #1 if there is any damage and #2 it will show signs of bi-polar and/or ADHD.  It will be interesting to see what it shows.  I cannot wait to find out.  I just want to help him but nothing seems to work out and he continues to fail in school, walk out of school, become angry, not care.  I hope I am doing everything I can.  Thank you for your prayers!  

[DLA]

Have they checked for brain damage from the meningitis?  I've known several children who had this and did suffer brain damage.  Some of it can be controlled with meds, but they have to know what was affected first.

Hope you and he find some answers soon.  Will be praying for you both.

[Cin50]

He never has a hard time going to sleep.  He could sleep anytime anywhere.  He is a night owl so he hates to get up in the morning.  He does not drink caffeine, and he is defiant with anyone who disciplines him.  He is ok with his teachers until they hold him accountable.  He doesn't have any obsessive behaviors at all.  My son was seeing a therapist who made things worse.  He was also seeing an APRN who diagnosed him with ADHD but when the medications made him worse, she began to question his diagnosis.  I have since switched him to a psyciatrist who has a practice with therapists right in the same office hoping that the close connection will help.  After one visit, the psyciatrist didn't think he was bi-polar and was trying to determine if he had ADHD or if his struggles in school with his learning disabilities were rolling into a behavioral issue.  He does not go one day without getting into trouble in school.  
He just does not care about it.  I don't understand.  

[ames67]

I can only imagine how difficult  it must be for both you and your son. I wonder how much of the anger comes from frustration with the focusing problems and difficulty in school. School is such a major part of a child's life to have difficulty there often can lead to problems at home. I guess what I would want to know more about are his sleeping patterns. Does he have a hard time going to sleep, then get up cranky as a bear in the mornings? How does he respond to caffeine? Is the defiance with all authority figures such as teachers and school personnel? What about his peer group? Is he getting into trouble with the law? His response to stimulants would make some doctors consider bipolar. Also ODD (Oppositional Defiant Disorder) may account for some of his behavior. You say it is white he calls it black. Yet ODD is often apart of the symptom picture for Bipolar as is ADHD. Does he have any obsessive behaviors? OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder)  can also accompany Bipolar as well. The Bipolar Teen by Miklowitz and George has been recommended by others on this forum. The Bipolar Child by Papalos and Papalos is the book I am familiar with and it goes into a ton of detail about behaviors associated with the illness. It is a strong diagnosis so be cautious in getting the label. Is your son in therapy? If he admits that he needs help then by all means get him to someone he can talk to, this could help with accurate diagnosis as well. Hang in there mom, and take good care of yourself too!