Relationships and Bipolar

[jst4shanell]

This last year has been a tornado for my boyfriend (7 years).  Me being BP has literally destroyed our what used to be very strong relationship.  It's one thing after another.  In one year I have been hospitalized 2 times  in a mental facility, once in a hospital for Lithium toxicity and to top it off I just broke my arm and can't work.  My boyfriend is just 'over it', and I don't blame him.  This is so unfair.  This isn't my fault.  I am so sad and depressed and frustrated.  There is nothing I can do to say to him that everything is going to be alright because I don't know if it will from one day to the next.  When we fight he pulls out the BP card and I can't say anything about it really.  Any suggestions?????  Thanks

[jst4shanell]

I am definitely not perfect in this relationship either.   I do have a lot of problems.  I do suffer from PTSD and Dissociative disorder as well.  But it's not really that.  On my part I would have to say my moods and anger are taking the toll.  My boyfriend is a happy go lucky person.  About as chipper as they come.  I could see how it would be hard to come home almost everyday to a woman who is angry and bitter for no reason.  Or someone who cries and locks herself in the room for weeks at a time.  My boyfriend is as supportive as he can be when it comes to my illness.  When we fight, he does not fight fair and the worst part is I believe everything he says.  I cannot just leave the guy.  We have 7 years, 2 successful businesses, and a mortgage.  That doesn't include the fact that this guy is my rock really.  His demeaner and positive attitude keeps me going a  lot of the time.  I tend to mirror my emotions on people and vice versa, if that makes sense.  I am taking a short trip for 4 days to get away.  I think that might help in the short term.

I ask myself all the time why this happened to me of all people.  I have come to grips with a lot of this but I cannot trust myself anymore because of these psychotic episodes.  I seem to be very prone to them.  I can't tell when i'm manic or psychotic or my behavior becomes irrational.  Of course, until it's all over with and I can reflect.  **** I don't know.  My hands are up in the air and I feel I can't breathe.  Is it just my relationship that is making me feel this way, or is it that I need to see my pdoc about getting my meds adjusted.  I do know that when my relationship starts to suffer for extends periods of time, it is usually about my meds.  I feel like i'm the only one going through this.

[bernie40]

I'm not saying it hasn't been tough for him but it's been a whole lot tougher on you!  He is wrong to throw the BP at you all the time.  He has a choice, he can stay with you and be supportive or if he can't be supportive and accept you for who you are then he shouldn't stick around.  You are not forcing him to stay with you, he has free will.  Despite the BP life has a habit of kicking us when we are down and everyone - and I mean everyone - has periods in their lives where just about everything seems to go wrong - it is these times where relationships are truly put to the test.  If he is not strong enough to stick with you through the bad and the good, regardless of how long they last then I would say you have some serious questions to ask yourself and him.

I will not even attempt to advise you on which way to go as this is a very personal decision to you and your partner and of course I am not aware of the entire situation.  You both need to sit and have a serious chat, possibly with someone else there to act as mediator.  If you both want the relationship to work then you need to talk through how he is going to cope with possible future challenges so that you don't end up back at this point again.

Hugs to you, I know this is tough. xx

[ILADVOCATE]

Honestly if he isn't supportive of your recovery then its hard to see a future for this. I know you know of NAMI friend and family support groups but if that hasn't worked I don't know what to say. There are always disagreements or arguements in relationships but he shouldn't bring up the bipolar at that time. You haven't anything wrong and as we all do you take medications as required. We all have our emotional ups and downs. He can't blame you for that or act confrontational. Maybe take a time out and see if he can come to terms with it. He really should be more supportive of you as a whole.