Things you used to take for granted, ie, reading

[bernie40]

Another post has prompted this one as we began to talk about reading.  I've known a fair few people now with BP who say they can no longer read for pleasure or for as long as they used to and it makes me wonder if this is down to the medications or down to the BP worsening.  Right from a very young child I have read avidly, to the point that if it was a really good book I would read it in one sitting!  (I now wonder if this was a mini manic epside to do that?).  Even with having 4 children my reading was still a big part of my life, I always had a book on the go and it was unheard of for me not to read for a minimum of a couple of hours a day.  Since becoming particularly ill a few years back and ending up on medication I haven't been able to read like I used to.  I still have a book on the go now (I didn't read at all for about 18 months), it now takes me weeks to finish a book, I read only about 5 pages at a time no matter how good the book.

What I've also noticed is that I don't actually sit and do one thing for any length of time.  If i'm on the computer then I'm on and off it.  If I go anywhere, whether it be a fun outing or a necessary one, I've had enough after about 2 hours.  I'm rarely doing one thing at a time.  Then on the other hand I can become the complete opposite and can't bear for more than one thing to be going on, I end up retreating to my room and begging to be left alone and will inevitably fall asleep for a few hours.  Now i've always been one for resorting to sleep when I can't cope, that's something that hasn't changed.

I seem to have the attention span of a goldfish!  Something Xila said on the other thread also struck a chord with me, that when threads get too long I can't continue with joining in, it's like an information overload.  Some days I can't even string a sentence together to give a coherent reply and then other days (like today, lol) I want to comment on as much as I can (if I feel I have something to contribute).

Just wondered what changes others have noticed and whether you think it's down to meds, a worsening of the condition or a mixture of both.

[Xila31]

Oh, I'm sorry it didn't work out. >.< But, you are not ignorant. I mean sure, you did not know, but not in a dumb way. It was a good idea and worth asking about, for sure. We say that there is no such thing as a stupid question. Just think, if the men and women in history had not asked questions we wouldn't have electricity or running water or even computers and internet. Never stop asking questions and looking for answers.

[adel_ezz]

I wanted to post yesterday but my PC didn't work

no. to my great disappointment, i am sorry it proved i am ignorant, i relied on the personel of the lab who are more ignorant. they told me that any normal person has a level of 0.5-1.5 which is false. A normal person has a ZERO level as i was told by the pdoc, thus i don't have a deficiency in lithium.

i was disappointed as i thought i was near to a solution. But now there is a tendency of hyperthyrodism. I began to realise that each time i try an avenue i find it blocked

[starbunny]

Yes since the last manic episode a year ago, I haven't been able to read articles in magazines, watch telly, read books and so on because of distractability, but yes perhaps this will change now?! with my new treatment adjustment. I can certainly relate to clicking the mouse and often have waay too many windows open and am searching for four or five different things at once and am fliting from one topic to another without really absorbing any information!

[Xila31]

starbunny: That's great! Maybe you've stabalized somewhat! There are days when I can do a taks for an hour or so but those are gettng fewer and father between.

Except for watching t.v., having a conversation, or playing a game, 10 minutes feels like an eternity. Even watching t.v. if a commercial comes on I can't stand it and look at the t.v. schedule over and over. Even not really looking at it but just to watch the schedule slide by. I also like to click on things with my mouse.... you know, like open and close a window 50 times.

Also, I don't know if they test for lithium or if it is an indicator of BP. It is an interesting theory. But I know my level was normal when I started. But, maybe it is an indicator of who it will work better for, like maybe that's why I have nto seen a big change. But if your lithium level is low, it will help.

jemma88: I too get frustrated with audio books. I can still do the radio okay because they switch topics but if it isn't something I'm interested in I end up turning it off or down pretty quickly. :( So, not sure if that will work. It would be nice, though.

[starbunny]

Do they only test your lithium levels if you are on lithium medications? or is it a marker for bipolar? I have had no such test but then I am on tegretol. Adel I am so happy you're getting somewhere and your decisions are becoming easier for you.:)
Back to the subject of reading/concentration. I very recently raised my AP and was dreading the mental consequences. To my surprise I managed a 12 hour long marathon session of uni homework today effortlessly, whereas before I could not study for more than 10 or 20 minutes a day. Wow I wonder how an AP can do that?! incredible.  

[Xila31]

Well, I know when I started lithium my level was normal. I am not on an anti-psychotic right now and don't know if I actually should be or not. But I had my lithium test today to see if I am too high. :(

[adel_ezz]

i have some news today. i did a blood test yesterday to measure my lithium level as we discovered that human beings have lithium normally in their blood from 0.5-1.5. upon checking today the laboratory the doctor told me this is unsual yours is outside the scale and less than 0.2. so i am starting to speculate that this could be the reason. so i am heading with the tests to my pdoc.

still a missing link: if anybody can take up this test and they don't, then probably most of BP are in the normal range already and giving them an extra lithium to combat mood swings, otherwise problem solved. i.e. one checks the level of lithium and take an extra to compensate for the lack or deficiency. in this case BP is not pschy rather organic disease.

if my theory is right then mania and depression is BP whereas all the other psychotic, delusions,... are BPD so you give lithium only for someone with no psychosis where AP's oir CBT for pscychotic features. Perhaps if the lithium level is already high then one doesn't benefit from an extra lithium addition. We'ill see what the doctor says, but am very anxious to see what is the next step. I THINK LITHIUM DEFINITELY

[bernie40]

Hi ezz, I'm better than I was since being on the lithium.  Pre lithium I didn't read at all, so it's an improvement for me lol.  Sadly no my concentration isn't really much better but what i tend to do is keep going back to whichever task I started, albeit with lots of interruptions, so I do get some tasks actually completed.  I'm not hopping around quite as much as I used to :/

Jema - I don't know why but I can't stand talking books, I also don't like the radio and if it's on I tend to tune it out in my head.  I'm also not particularly good at watching films, putting me in a cinema is sheer torture!  lol

[jema88]

anyone tried taking books thu yor ipod , i do quite relaxing

[adel_ezz]

Hi again

Except that your English is far better than mine, i would have thought it's me who wrote it. You are talking about me indeed. can't concentrate anymore onto one subject and can't sit still for long. I keep moving and get distracted.

So what you said is not new to me. However what is new and unpleasant and rather diasappointing to know is that i intend to start on lithium soon and i know you are on it or was on it or intend to go back to it. So if lithium can resolve this matter of distractability then this is pretty sad. It isn't only the mania and depression but i would have thought also all the other traits of BP

[Xila31]

Well, the last book I tried to read I got to chapter 5, that was last month. That's pretty good. Before that I got about 100 pages from the end of a book. That was last year in the summer. So, I'm holding out to see if some book comes out that really excites me and try again. Except, I think if it does I'll get a library card instead of buy it. At least that way if it doesn't work out I won't feel guilty. :(

[Mummyinwaiting]

I think its the nature of the BP I suffer the same.  I have many books and I will go out and buy new ones and get excited about finishing them  and catching up and reading for split second but when I get home I don't touch them.  I can only read a little bit thn I am on to the next thing I find it so hard to concentrate.  I don't think my family understand to be honest.  One minute I'll be set off and I will ge really excited I get these great ideas and then a second later my stomach drops and I have no motivation.  I think the secret is to really sometimes make yourself sit down and do as much as you can at one time.  Don't be too hard on yourself if you can't manage it.  
I find that it has gotten worse over the years and like the rest of the illness you have to tackle it as it comes along :)

[Xila31]

PS  I don't think it is the meds because I just started my meds in December and all this has been starting to surface in the last few years. But, you know, I'm not a doctor, so just what I'm thinking.

[Xila31]

The reading / writing thing is a huge one for me. I am a writer, right? So, of course I'm a reader! I actually as a kid had huge trouble with things like spelling and math. I still am bad at math, but I can spell because I was such a good reader!  Writing was a natural gift to me. I mean, I honestly believe it was the talent I was purposefully given at birth. (Everyone has one, you know?) So, I would read books in the genre I wanted to write, which is fantasy, sci-fi.

Every night before bed I would read, sometimes for hours. I am sort of a slow reader, so it usually took me 2-3 weeks to get a book done. But, some really funny ones like The Princess Bride, I took those down in 1 day.

I would say in the last 5 years this has become noticeable. I know I read the last three Harry Potter books during that time. But, in the last 2 years, I only read the final one in that series. I tried to read other books, and I just get so frustrated.

Also, my writing is suffering. I still have it in there, but it comes less and less often. I can't finish my projects. I get so frustrated and upset. And then I just lose the ability to work on my stories. I hate that! I lose my ability to spell or make sentences properly.

Also, I know I'm manic when I jump from thing to think to thing. Like, I'm playing a game on the computer, but I have to look this up, and oh there's a sock on the floor, I have to get it! And so on. But, I am not a multi-tasker. I get overwhelmed so easily and I start into my confusion spiral and so much forgetfulness. At work it is bad because I'm trying to make folders, but I have to call someone, and file, and the phone is ringing, and didn't I have to do something?

Also, I'm getting more forgetful all the time. Losing things, forgetting days, forgetting tasks. I went all through school without even needing a day planner and knowing exactly when everything was due and so on.... So, that is really irritating.

[paranoid_cataclysm]

I think perhaps it can be a bit of both.  Personally for myself I've constantly had trouble reading through something as long as what you wrote or longer due to my concentration but this is usually all the time for me, being less worse some days.  Medication seemed to help this, when I'm medicated properly.  I also have trouble sitting through videos on youtube, for example, longer than three minutes.  I find myself after using my computer all day I have like 50 windows open on my task bar that I forgot to close because I'm busy trying to distract myself from anxiety so much but lack concentration to effectively do it.