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1559821 tn?1296336033

bipolar and friends

I don't have any close friends. I have my husband and I have 3 friends that I like to hang out with but since every day I would be different one day I'd be best friends and the next day I'd think they were against me or that I was a bother to them. I've never really stayed n touch with anyone. I don't know how to stay close with someone and be the same and keep in touch. So basically right now I feel really down and alone and feel like I have noone to talk to about my problems and new dx. I just wish I had someone that I can trust to talk to about my problems and to trust to talk about my feelings but I honestly have pushed everyone out. Im guessing it was my fault. Has anyone else had this problem? I've never felt so alone in my life.
Best Answer
Avatar universal
I've always had probs with making friends too. You see the back-stabbing that goes on when one of the group ain't there. I handle it this way... I know that I'm not perfect cos of my mental health probs, they're not perfect cos of they're inability to be loyal etc. Stick with your friends with this in mind. If they're being mean about someone just say that actually you like that person and don't agree with them. You will find that people get caught up in being mean and don't have the strength to go against the crowd. Once you stand up you will find that others will stand with you. Then NOT backstabbing will be how most mates become. This will normally weed out the nasty person who will become the odd one out. They are usually very sad and scared and backstab as a way of looking hard etc. They will see that the whole group is strong safe and loyal. This will make them feel secure also and you'll all end up a very close bunch of mates.  Fear is wot makes most people attack. Be strong. And remember that you have many friends that you just haven't met yet. Like us on here. Xxx
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Avatar universal
This site is so helpful. I too am newly diagnosed & have been really struggling with relationships. One day I can call someone my friend & then the next I feel like they are not. It's so confusing. Thank you for helping me see I'm not alone!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
DizzyRose, I also refuse to play their silly games, does anyone know why 'they' hate us for being honest and ourselves?
Dizzy, try to be happy that your family gets along with your son.  It's unfair that he should not feel free to enjoy his aunt, uncle and grandparents.
How alone and rejected would HE feel if not a single one spoke with him?
I have absolutely no contact with my mom's family because she wanted it that way all these years.  She also pushed my father's side of the family away, so I have no sense of belonging to a proper family. No foundations, no normality.  It has affected me negatively.

Xila and Bacla.  I also feel like an alien when with my husband's friends and family, feel watched and judged.

I have recently noticed that people (have always in the past)
only want(ed) me around when they are going through a tough time.. I am there for them and supportive.  
Or if they need someone, (me) to help them "plan my entire wedding" ...
But when everything returns to normal in their lives, somehow I'm not good enough for them anymore.
They come up with a stupid little reason (really minor) and hold on to that issue
saying "it hurt the friendship".. and then what happens is THE DISTANCING' treatment, and eventually, that is the end of it.
I realised I only really have 3 true friends, 2 are bipolar & I love them all.

I have decided to make NO MoRE friends, make no more effort, help noone out
- because I always go out of my way for others and they just treat me like a pile of ****.
I don't need them anyway.  Feeling alone is just a state of mind to me.  

My efforts at making friends have been great but have never amounted to anything except disappointment and humiliation.  

There is so much to do, so many options to keep me busy.  I'm happy with Medhelp forum, my business and those close to me.  
Do any of you also struggle with being used by others?  
Or am I perhaps just a sucker for punishment, insecure or desperate for approval?
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I feel u guys nd @xila31 I do the same thing haha but I thought I was just crazy! It's nice to knw I'm not the only one lol but yea @bacla I had a hard time letting pple in I think it's part of our disorder! I would always think pple just felt sry for me wen they were nice to me! I use to hate pple being nice to me bcuz I didn't think they meant it! Wen my frnd would invite me to go out I would think about if he was only doing it cuz he felt sry or is he doing cuz he thinks I'm a loser nd have no frnds or idk a lot of dumb things! It's really hard to get outa of this state I knw it is but u just gota push urself nd try ur hardest not to think there always out to get u!! Like wen I would think he was feeling sry for me I would always tell myself not to think tat way!! Hopefully this is just temporary like it was for me! U just really really have to push urself to feel better nd go out nd have a good time wit ur frnds!! Maybe right now ur just in ur depressive state let it pass nd most likely wen u get in ur happier moods u won't feel like tat! :) it's a struggle we have to fight sadly but dnt ever think ur alone! U got us! I mean we might not knw u but were definitely here to support eachother!! :)
Helpful - 0
1563217 tn?1300198557
You can go to google and type in bipolar support group and find DBS Alliance. If I put in the link, this site would blank it out.  There are a 7 groups in NH, hopefully one is near enough to you. If not, you could try to email them and ask if they know of a location closer to your home.  

Like many people here, I also have a hard time being close to people and making friends. You certainly are not alone!
Helpful - 0
1569141 tn?1297196837
hmmmm, where did everyone go? No answers... feels like a ghost town..ikes
Happy to me...got older.. yep.
peace.
Helpful - 0
1569141 tn?1297196837
Where do you find such a group? I live in a kinda small town...
Yeah my to be ex has my family going to court with him! I have some on my list also, but my god my own mother? We have been apart for 16+ years.. I filed. He has travelled the world with his company making it to VP. I took care of the kids. NOW, he fighting for the kids?  AND using "IM SICK" as a great part of his defence. Like buddy you were gone and I brought them up? Sick?  God Im going through so much. Nevermind friends now, I need an army!
sorry to ramble, thanks for listening...
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I know how you feel and this same feeling brought me to the verge of suicide. Some people are backstabbers I know, but when I sense they are not loyal I move on and make a new friend. Just because 9 people are no genuine doesn't mean you can't find 1. I think it is a good idea to link up with other bipolar people. However, I've found it useful to join a club that has nothing to do with bipolar. I'm always upfront and tell new friends about my illness. If they judge or react in a negative way, I just move on. And its easier cause you haven't invested in that relationship. I know I have an illness and I know how it affects me, so if people don't underatand it they shouldn't be part of my life. Now I have a group of friends from the club that really love, are understanding and even come to my house when I need help. Meeting people outside the bipolar communitty has made me realize that I'm not just bipolar. Bipolar is just a small part of me. I'm many other things and there is more to my life than the illness. Don't get me wrong, i think that being part of a bipolar community is useful. Just don't limit yourself to it.My family has been very
cruel to me, but I learned to love myself despite the illness. I've also learned that medication is not magic. It's an art. I had to try quite a few different medications with different dosages. It took 8 months to find what worked best for me. My moods have been stabilized significantly and psycotherapy has helped me with coping strategies when I'm irritable and want to tell everyone to **** off. I also keep a mood diary through an iphone application and this has help my doctor assess if the medication is still off and if it needs a little adjustment. There is light at the end of the tunnel, you just have to hang on and eventually you'll get there. It's like loosing weight. Some people give up quickly afte a month or so, but if they stick to it with a healthy plan they can make it. Just don' expect overnight reaulta.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Sounds like your husband at the time and your family aren't understanding.  Half of my family disowned me before I was even diagnosed with anything. LOL  The other half that has bipolar disorder, schizoaffective disorder and schizophrenia in nearly all of them doesn't care what I have so I'm lucky to have them.  Sounds like you have a lot on your plate to deal with.  The people here will listen to you and I listened to you.  After I was diagnosed with schizophrenia and told my employer thinking I would be let off a little easier than other people due to my difficulties, they treated me like crap when I was fired and such.  Big mistake telling them.  I won't ever do it again if I ever get another job.
Helpful - 0
1569141 tn?1297196837
Your So Right! I dont fit into the norm... I use to, because of my past, just keep quiet... everyone walked all over me. I would do anything for anyone, no matter if I agreed or liked it or not. I stopped doing a bit of this in baby steps. Well, one big step first ha! Left my husband when we were living in Hong Kong and took my kids.. but.. he did say he wanted me to leave. "He never wanted to marry a "sick person". At that point though, I was done with BS. Then my family just couldnt except my brave move..rather I was "sick" to them..how dare I leave that wonderful man..(in their eyes)?? What they wouldnt do was listen to me.. I was not treated well, I was not happy. To this  day.. I met someone else, to this day.. they hate who I met, 13 years ago.. and love my ex. Because m "sick" STILL! If I dont agree with anyone in the faimly, like before... they blame it on my depression. NO, I dont agree with you! They talk behind my back always.. this is family? Wonder why I have trust issues? Ive bent over backwards for all of them, never got the same treatment? Ex, gave them all money, heck my mom shoulda married him. Actually, Im just going through a horrific divorce now with him, and yep 38 counts of how sick I am, although I had our kids for 13 years alone, he was gone! Sick person did pretty damn well, " A" students, and a nursing student. yeah. But hes fighting for custody. Along with Heart surgery (heart defect? who knew at age 30) thyroid cancer, fighting now, yep lucky me.. crap, rambling, sorry. But, i have a voice now... funny thing is no one wants to hear it? Best friend anyone could ever have....shame.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
They apparently changed the policy at the place I used to work at to where you get written up if you go to the main office and talk to the managers because I kept confronting them directly about BS they were doing instead of playing their little game of them smiling to my face but stabbing me in the back.  Apparently you have to be skilled in being two faced to be a manager at that place.  I would be doing something wrong in front of them and they would smile and wave at me but then later I would get chewed out by my manager because they were too much of a wuss to lift a finger and confront someone.  You're not supposed to do what I did but I did it anyway because I'm tired of **** like that and if I was still there and they had this changed policy I would continue doing it until I get fired again because I refuse to play their little game.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I've never spoken to anyone before that feels the same and gets treated the same.  I too can have great conversations with strangers but when it comes to forming relationships it never works. I get let down all the time. It can't always be my fault. Maybe it's because I've always had an honest relationship with myself that I expect it from others. I've had to be honest with myself in order to try and make sense of why I'm different and to try and fit in. Sometimes I feel like an alien trying to live amongst a completely different race and not quite being able to pull it off. Especially when I know I don't actually like the way they behave. Humans are a really ****** race. It's like they're all playing a massive game. They know they're horrible. They ***** about each other, lie to each other, cheat and backstab, but then smile and chat politely. They know they're all doing it but that's the game. I can't and won't play. I need to be straight and honest and they hate me for it. I'm not perfect due to my illness but they use this as their basis for excluding me. I'm very difficult when I'm ill but it's not done on purpose.  
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Hmm... I relate a lot to this whole discussion and I thought it was just my trouble relating to other people or something like that.
Helpful - 0
1569141 tn?1297196837
OMG! I cant believe what Im reading! It's me. My family acts like Im an idiot, and cant make good choices, because Im "sick" Bipolar 2 ptsd.. blah blah.. I dont make friends, I dont trust anyone not my family..no one! I have NO FRIENDS! I feel like I should? Its really lonely. I have three kids, 21, 16, and 14. They have tons of friends. I moved around alot.. lost touch with High school friends... I moved from my home town when I was a Freshman. I feel llost. I can though have a conversation with any stranger anywhere, like Ive known them forever! Just wont ever meet up with them again. So, wow there are people like me. hmmm.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I don't trust anybody. Don't think I ever will. I only have a small family, mum, dad, a brother and a sister. Not a single one of them speaks to me at all. I see my son quite often who is in regular contact with them, especially my mum(his nan) but we don't talk about them cos of how they treat me. It hurts me deeply that my son has any contact with them because I feel he should be loyal to me first. They've always loved him and he them and that makes me feel so bad. I'm not good enough for them yet they love my son. It feels like an extra stab in the heart. My husband left three years ago. He was an abusive alcoholic. I don't have any good mates at all. Can go weeks without any human contact at all except my mental health team. I'm 44yrs and feel that my chances of finding love and happiness are practically gone. I hate the human race cos I've had nothing but abuse and heart ache from it. The only reason I'm still here is because..... I don't know???
Helpful - 0
1572437 tn?1296145397
I have always had trouble being and staying close to people as well; even with my own family. I have one friend that I keep in touch with; well, sort of. Sometimes we go for months without communicating, but we are okay with that. We understand that about each other. Neither of us is really the huggy-feely type that has best girlfriends and runs around sharing each other's mascara and such. -Not that we would do that now, being in our mid to late thirties. LOL! Anyway, I don't think it's rare for people with our illness to be so distant with people. It's hard to get close to people when you have so much to hide. -Not that's there's anything to be ashamed of being bipolar, but people just don't understand it. There's still such a stigma attached to this disease, that it seems like you have to keep it under wraps. Anyway, I'm rambling now.
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1559821 tn?1296336033
yea no one understands me ...i get that a lot . i will def look at that website and find a local group i can go to ..thank you
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Avatar universal
I find making bipolar friends helps. If there is a support group in your area it is worth going to. These people understand if you disappear for a few weeks, and aren't going to judge you for being bipolar. I can't say enough for the value of meeting other people with MI. They understand that sometimes you just can't act 'normal'. They are still people and you'll have your interpersonal conflicts from time to time, but it is easier to make real friends. The DBSA (you can google it) has group finders so you can find one in your area.

All of my friends have had depression or are bipolar. They just 'get' it in a way that others without these illnesses couldn't. Another site that is good to get to is Mood Garden. It is a bit smaller and you get to know people more. There are blogs and a my story page that facilitate getting to know people better. I know that after finding it I didn't feel so alone.
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1559821 tn?1296336033
you are right !!! I am so happy I found this website, I dont know how and what Id be like if i wasnt able to use this website and you have been a tremendous help to me. you have actually made me feel like i am not alone and that im not the only one with the same feelings/symptoms. i really do greatly appreciate you answering all my questions and helping me thru all of this ...im sure ill have many more but for today you have made me feel like a person .
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952564 tn?1268368647
That's the nice thing about here is you realize you're situation isn't that different than other people with bipolar. We're all in the same boat one way or another. :) So see, you're not all alone.
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1559821 tn?1296336033
im very sorry your father was like that to you. my husband says almost the same thing to me if i seem down or talkabout being upset and he calls me a lazy b#@&$ all the time..I talk outloud to myself a lot when im by myself and sometimes in my office then of course someone walks by and makes fun of me or jokingly calls me crazy and that irriatates the heck out of me..i often only have 2 of me though when someone has hurt me so bad but i dont feel hurt instead i feel manipulative,revengeful,hateful and feel no emotions, care nothing for that persons feelings and or physically lash out at that person and i normally here her laughing and backing me up and i normally talk to that person (which is me) when im extremely mad or ive done something to get back at someone for making me mad or stuff like that..but dont we all wish we could "just suck it up" i mean people that say that to me make me so mad its like yes i choose to feel this way this pain and emptyness and loss of control is exactly how i want to feel and youre right i pay for all this medication and dr appts just to be manipulative and get attention...people like that shouldnt have any right saying that since they dont know.. thank you for your help again
Helpful - 0
952564 tn?1268368647
It's hard, I can't say i cope prefectly all by myself.

I talk to myself. I wonder about this other self I talk to recently. I talk and say something out loud. Like "So and so sure was being mean today." then I answer myself. "Yeah, that person can be that way." Or "I'm feeling so stressed out right now." then I answer myself, "I know what you mean." >.< It's like I'm 2 people talking to each other but it's just me and I know there isn't someone answering me, just myself. And yes, I talk out loud.

Sometimes I have total melt downs. It's like a thing inside my head snapps and I start screaming and I'll like smash a heavy book against my head or try to claw my face off.... not good things at all. There are a lot of scary things that I'm not proud of.

Then I get sad and I tell someone what is going on and I get the "just suck it up" speach. It used to be my dad. "What do you have to be depressed about? You don't know what hardship is. You're just a manipulative kid. No one wants to hear about other people's problems so just keep it to yourself, that's life." Then you tell people and they say "Oh, you can't concentrate or organize your desk? That's because you're lazy. You're a lazy liar, that's all you are." So, the next time I try really hard to say "This is what this person will say if I tell them, so I won't say anything."

It's not good to be like me.

You should see a psychologist for talk therapy. That will help you. I recommend you not be like me and seek help. If your family won't help, look for a doctor who will help.
Helpful - 0
1559821 tn?1296336033
thank you ...i too am very paranoid about people and im on guard always..and i too watch all these girls that i work with act like best friends to a girl and then when that girl is gone they will talk bad about them to me and i just dont understand why. i dont think there are any true friends out there anymore...and well i cant really talk to my husband at all about me being bipolar and as of right now i cant even really call him my friend..he runs to his mother all the time and sticks up for her and everything she does and says and tells her stuff i have asked him not to tell anyone else..i dont trust him, i cant even show him my feelings because if i show him that something he did upset me then he would use that against me in the next argument.. so i feel like i have my kids only (i have a 6 yr old son and a 22 week old baby girl) How did you learn to cope all by yourself? im having a lot of problems adjusting to the new me (i just started medicine and miss the hypomania parts). i have all these feelings and emotions now and fears and i feel so alone and i really just feel like i need a shoulder to cry on but i have no one.. How are you so strong by yourself?
Helpful - 0
952564 tn?1268368647
I only have my husband and my kids, and then I have 1 friend. I used to think I had friends but they all turned on me and stabbed me in the back. I observe people. I see how they are. I see how they are fake. I listen to them talk about their friends who aren't there and I say, "what a horrible friend you are." People are so entitled, etc. Also, I have paranoia because of what my past "friends" did to me. I'm always on guard with people. It's hard for me to trust anyone and say "yes, that's my friend."

So, I don't think you're alone in this, I think it comes with the stigma and reality of people. I also feel it's hard to talk to people about my illness, so I don't say much. I keep it to myself. That's how I've been for so long I don't know how to ask for help very easily if I need it. That's one thing I like about this place, I can hear people say things I understand or things about myself that others ignore coming from other people who also have bipolar.
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