does this sound familiar to anyone??

[darlene38]

i experience constant mood swings from extremely agitated and angry for what reason i have no clue, happy were i have alot of confidence to do things, ( not usually me i have low self esteem partly from my abusive childhood this happens less than other symptoms ), then the next thing i know i am at rock bottom again as low as i can be...paranoia feeling people are against me, talking about me etc, im uncomfortable with people looking at me and talking, i can't hold eye contact and always look around me ,this is constant even though im on wellbutrin 400mg, i seem to have alot of anxiety or panic attacks to were i am short of breath ... i am very sceptical of people and lack the ability to trust and put up all kinds of walls i have 1 good friend and she says i take every personally and little things that stress me out , really stress me out and i can't let go of it..sometimes i seem hyper like im talking to fast and can't slow down i studder..caffeine makes this alot worse...before wellbutrin i was overcome with guilt about everything. that is a bit better and i would make a decision and change my mind like a hundred times...can't stick to anything....

i suffered from depression for most of my adult life off and on and the episodes were fewer and was just depression i think, took meds till i felt better then good for a yr sometimes...then gradually they have progressed, getting longer and now starting last yr i could no longer control it or hide it, and it is not going away and in slowly i became so paranoid i isolated myself....i cycle back and forth rapidly and can't stop what is happening to me it is getting worse...sometimes it seems i can have panic attacks for a couple of days at a time, and when i crash i am so exhausted because i am not sleeping well again and that is the pattern .

...my brain feels like im going dense, like i can't focus on things at times can remember things, can actually leave the house and leave the stove on ...thank god my son helps me with this, i can do something then forget i did it or said something and constantly repeat myself becuase of this , that is what people tell me i dont remember previously telling them... or ill just stand there in like a daze for a few seconds till i remember what i was wanting to do and sometimes i find myself going to do something then i turn in a full circle , a bit dazed..

i had a full work up at my gyn ...no issues there im too young for menopause....my brother is diagnosed bipoloar with psychosis at age 18...we endured physcical abuse

i tried paxil but put me into extreme panic attacks , cold sweat shakes etc...effexor put me to sleep and that is all i did....wellbutrin seemed to work at first now not so good, i went from feeling emotionless to now cycling again...when i first tried it it seemed to calm things down,,,then had to have increase from 300mg to 400 mg...

i do not halucinate or hear things that are not there so my thinking was not bipolar but i don't know if depressive people can have all the other issues to

does any of this make sense to anyone...i am seeing a phyciatrist this month to see what is happening but i feel like im going crazy....i am 38 yrs old can this happen to me now...? i have attempted suicide once about 5 yrs ago and still have these thoughts but i won't act on them because of my kids.....i am worried i am going to get worse and worse till something happens to me.....any info would be greatly appreciated as i am trying to understand what is happening to me

[velvetvenus]

i just wanted to tell you i know exactly how you feel about not trusting people! i want to and i think there is good in almost everyone but i'm like you very suspicious of their motives. i've been burned too many times, like you probably have too. i just started cymbalta it treats pain, depression, and anxiety and so far it's not made me manic. i was on prozac 60mg (in the past i was on as much as 100mg) and had to just take it when i was depressed because it made me panicy and manic if i took it everyday without depression. i've been on the cymbalta for a week now and so far so good. i also take abilify (for mania) and xanax for anxiety and panic, vyvanse for adhd and a host of other meds from lortab and soma's(muscle relaxer) to nexium(for acid reflux) and mobic (for joint pain). i'm quitting smoking tomorrow so i'm sure the xanax and soma's will come into play, i usually don't take them everyday but i might take them as prescribed until i get through the rough first week.  if you ever need to talk i'm here, just send a not or message. if you want a new friend just send me an invite. i'm a very honest but compassionate person. i have a 7 year old son and he notices some of my mood episodes too and prays for me when i'm laying around because i usually don't do that. usually i don't even sit down except at the computer because i'm so nervous. but anyway good luck and keep posting when you need to, there are a lot of good people with good advice on this site. take care velvetvenus

[blantonj27]

Mistrube,

Great suggestion, I too am on serequil and I am very pleased with the outcome. I also am on a antidepressent too. I have found with all the differnt meds that I have been on that these 2 together work the best.

[blantonj27]

Just read ur post and thought I would give u some advice. 1st Bipolar is heretitary, and varies in the diagnoses. Bipolar requires mood stabilizers and an antidepressant. Please know that with bipolar disorder the only mood stabilizers and antidepressants that seem to not cause serious side effects are prozac or paxil (antidepressants)and serequil and abilify (moodstabilizers)

I myself am diagnosed as Bipolar disorder by its call hypomanic. I also am diagnosed with PTSD. I have tried many differnt meds and nothing helped. Wellbutrin made me worse. I am now taking Prozac 40 mg and serequil 100 mg. I have felt the best with these two. Maybe u could try 1 of these or the others. I would just be very cautious as some will just medicate u just becasue. Good luck and if u ever need to chat Im here.

[Mstrube]

I can definately relate to almost EVERYTHING you have written, and i also don't have hallucinations or hear things. I was diagnosed early though. Have you tried Seroquel XR? It has thus far killed or limited my rage, etc. I'm not having near as many manic episodes either. I also don't freak out as much either which makes my hubby lots happier :) If you ever need anyone to talk to, I'll be happy to be here. Even though I'm still learning too! Everyone here is so great.

[darlene38]

thanks for your post...i often wandered if i was bipolar like my brother but i was never like him as he is phychotic as well as bipolar and he halucinates and hears things...which i don't, but i to get overly anxious and will obsess about what is bothering me to the point that i drive my sister and friend crazy, but they still just listen to me till it passes.as my sister says she will talk me down even if it takes days and sometimes it does ...but she said she will never give up on me....i also recently was so aggitated with my friend because she was trying to tell me something about me that i know to be true anyway...and i was going to end our friendship, and i have done this to my sister many times i was so mad like extremely and it shouldn't of been that upsetting as when i think about it it was true...thankfully she emailed me a letter and she knew i didn't mean it...i always make these decisions out of the spur of the moment and then i regret it when the anxiety settles i dont trust people and alway are suspicious of their motives...sometimes the anxiety state lasts for days... does this make any sense to you...? i wander as well if it is possible that you can be so mild as to not really notice...and then now it is where i can't hide it anymore and it is becomely more and more frequent and more and more severe...and i am now to the point that i cycle rapidly for a full year now, but i have had issues like these for many yrs it was just on a milder scale.....

i will see a physciatrist this month to sort out my meds. and yes i will need one for anxiety,,before i drive my son crazy, he is only 11yrs old and he notices too now and he actually helps me calm down..sometimes i get really upset with him and yell at him.not fair to him which then becomes a source of guilt...i do talk to him afterwards and appoligize for my behaviour and tell him; i love him and he says i know mommy .sadly to say he is displaying alot of the same things as me....he is a carbon copy of me....i have also decided to get blood work done to make sure my hormones are not just out of whack, deep down i know they are not as i was tested last yr...i obsess over my health too......

thanks for your input im just trying to understand myself better and it helps to know i am not alone....this is very difficult for me to accept that i may have this but i will be completely honest with my md...although it will be extremely difficult to talk to him as i dont trust people until i get to know them, and even then i don't trust too much...

thanks again


darlene

[velvetvenus]

i go through a lot of what you do and i stay on my meds. even medicine a lot of times doesn't take it all away. talk to your doctor about your meds, there are so many out there to try, i think you need to mention getting on an antianxiety medicine too. i am also a rapid cycler like it sounds like you are too. i go through the paranoia and dwell on everything obsessively! things people say or do or things i say or do. sometimes i have tourettes moments and blurt things out, i don't have that it's just part of my bipolar, anxiety, and adhd. i also need a med change that i'm fighting my doctor about. he's not a very good one and i'm going to find another one soon. you need to see a psychologist or therapist too, they can give you some suggestions of how to deal with things as they come and maybe exercises to do or things to practice. i have already changed psychologist (therapy) because my other one just didn't do anything. this new one i've actually seen before and i know she is good and compassionate. you have to search for these people and don't be afraid to have the actual doctor call you to kind of interview them over the phone before you make a decision to see them. they will do that, just have a list of questions to ask ready and by the phone for when they call. good luck and stay on your meds and be persistant with the doc. be honest, write a list if you have to as to not forget anything, even little things can be majorly important.   velvetvenus

[ILADVOCATE]

You have nothing to worry about. If your psychiatrist doesn't believe there is anything further going on they will note that. That's within their judgment. A "label" is a strong term for a diagnosis. Its just like any other form of disability or medical condition. The more they know they more they can help you.

[darlene38]

i will tell him everything, but does this sound like im worried for nothing...? i don't want a label but i can't go on like this anymore..

[ILADVOCATE]

If you have moodswings and experience mixed states (which are part of mania) in addition to depression you would definitely want to inform your psychiatrist about this as they might then understand that you might have bipolar and add a mood stabilizer but that would be within their judgment but do speak to them about it.