how can I stay stable when trying to help son?

[Yvette97]

I know that there probably isn't a real answer to this question but here goes anyway incase anyone has experienced this. I have had bi-polar2 for many years. Treated for the last 13 and had been doing pretty well. My guilt about passing on these faulty genes is sky high right now. Out of my 4 grown children, 1 has schizophrenia, 1 has depression, and 1 anxiety/panic, and the first born, fresh out of a crisis center finally diagnosed with bi-polar type 1. The only child that is fully functioning and living on his own is the one with anxiety. He goes to counseling and is working through it. my son with schizophrenia is on disability but for the most part does very well. He is calm and caring and very compliant with his meds. My daughter with depression still struggles on meds when there is alot of stress and she is little by little making her way through college. I know in the long run she will be okay. However, the oldest one (28 yrs) who we have been battling with for years to get help finally did. He had been abusing drugs for years to self medicate. He can be mean and combative when he is manic and irrational. I think this story may be familiar for many...over the years we have been lied to, stolen from, used and accused of treating him horribly as a child. Well, he met up with a young woman last year and after knowing her for 2 weeks moved her in with her 2 yr old son from a still existing marriage. They lived in another state and shortly after she became pregnant. They all moved back to our state and then he got fired for being beligerant to a customer. They were living with her uncle until they could find a place. He then was so irrational there that he got kicked out of their house. That was last month. My husband let him come home to seek treatment and he has been here ever since. He did get on lamictal and lorazapam but he can still be irrational. His girlfriend and babies come here everyday since he is not allowed to live there anymore and the activity level here is off the charts. How can we stay sane??? I am losing my ability to be positive. I feel guilty for wanting him to take all of his drama and go away. My son with schizophrenia takes walks 3 times a day to get out of the house. He cannot drive so he is captive while I am at work. At the end of the work day I find myself going shopping or browsing the library shelves instead of going straight home. When my bi-polar was not well managed I had fantasies of running away from home even though I was with it enough to know the problems would run with me. I feel like running again. Then I think..."this is all your fault". My family genes got passed down to my kids. I am in counseling again but I don't think the counselor can really relate.

[GeorgiaAnnie]

get him fixed...give him some estrogen...just kidding.
my hats off to you...I am a woman without children (from choice) and have
no idea how anyone does it, much less Moms with troublesome kids...

Has he been admitted to 24/7 clinic in-patient?
He needs to be away from family while he releases traumas from the drug abusing years...and please don't take away his tobacco or whatever lawful drugs the guy uses...

Do you have Interfaith Hospitality Network in your area..Church based program housing homeless families in the churches themselves..day center in Athens,,too...

Do you have church connections?

I'm going to look at your profile and send more thoughts,
Keep the faith,
Ann

[map173]

Hi Yvette97,

I see that you have had bi-polar2 for 13 years.  You mention that you are doing pretty well but after reviewing your posting I see that you do some compulsive shopping.  
Are you aware that this is very much a part of our bi-polar2 disorder?  
I also have bi-polar2 and have experienced many of the symptoms you are experiencing.  What medications are you on?  Do you see your psychiatrist often?  I am currently on Lamictal and Budepron and see my psych every two months.  
I did run away from home when I was a teenager just to get away from my parents house due to my bi-polar2 but also because I could not stand my acoholic father.  I usually went out of state to my grandma's house.  Her house has always been so quiet and peaceful.  I have also done some serious compulsive shopping that I regret now.  
Now that I am on medication those feelings have gone away.

It is very important that you try to take some quiet time by yourself.  I understand that you have children with medical conditions also but if you are not stable you can not help them.  It's like the blind leading the blind.  Believe me I have experienced this many times.  I have come to understand that taking some time to myself, resting and not depriving myself of sleep is extremely important. Taking walks by myself or taking a long bath with my favorite worship music is very relaxing.  Think of something that relaxes you and try to do it as often as you can to make those thoughts of running away disapear.  Keep in mind that this must be in line with your medication.  This is something that a psychiatrist can help you with.  Couselours are not allowed by law to prescribe anything to a patient.  Psychiatrists are the only ones that can give prescriptions.

I agree with GeorgiaAnnie that an Interfaith hospitality network is important.  Church based programs have helped me in a tremendous way.

Wish you the best on your decision making.

[Yvette97]

Thanks for your input. My son did a 7 day inpatient crisis clinic and that is where he got his diagnosis. He is now here at home trying to adjust to the new meds as they rapidly took him off Paxil which never helped him. He sees a therapist and is waiting to meet with his outpatient psychiatrist. He does smoke ciggarettes and I would'nt dream of telling him he couldn't. But yesterday I did object when he came home with a case of Heineken..not usually his drug of choice but I think he was substituting. He would rather grind up vicodin and snort it. I know he is wanting to be better it is just hard to get to there from here for all of us, himself included.
   I wanted to address the impulse shopping thing for myself. I am a yarn horder...I love to knit and I find it very much like meditation. It is relaxing and I feel good to make something that I can give as a gift. I usually do buy yarn impulsively "on sale" but I have never dropped more than $15.oo at a time and I never use a credit card for anything. Having said that, I am 48 yrs old and will probably expire before I can actually use all the yarn I do have in my house. Ha! So, that is my weakness. The new thing though that I have discovered about myself while shopping is that if I buy something for each of the babies when I am feeling bad it lifts me up alot mentally. I can see that it could get out of hand. Whenever I go to Walmart for household items I never leave there without a few toys or outfits for the kids. I know buying my grandchildren things will not make their daddy better. My husband has pointed out recently (nicely) that I have to cool it on buying them stuff because we are having a hard time paying bills as it is. I know he is right and to tell you the truth if "Map173" had not asked about shopping that whole connection would have elluded me for a long time. Thanks for helping me give some thought to that. As far as meds go I am in a bit of a pickle. I have been on an old antidepressant, doxepin for years. I was given Depakote about 13 yrs ago and clonazapam and the mix helped for a long time. Until, last year when I had my thyroid out and got treatment for thyroid cancer. Due to having to be on a high dose of levoxyl to keep me THS surpressed my heart rate is too high. Doxepin and Depakote can increase heart rate and I developed high blood pressure too. Beta blockers do not agree with me, causes depression and insomnia. So, I tapered off depakote a few weeks ago and got on lamictal for 6 days when I got a good rash. among other weird issues. So, here I am on doxepin and clonazapam only and waiting to see my pdoc in a couple weeks. sorry this is so long. I do not have a church right now. Lapsed catholic with no wish to return. I pray daily and read the bible. I do feel as though I am saved because I believe Jesus died for my sins and he is my personal savior. thanks for your kindness!

[GeorgiaAnnie]

A knitter!  I've a friend with needles...hahah
and a odd scarf or two..the hording of yarn is normal...
good meditation.  I paint, and give paintings to friends.  Have too many canvasses at home now.  May try to sell.

He's trying if he bought beer.  Why not PBR?  Ruins my taste for drinking everytime.
I find beer puts me to sleep.  Wine sleep, some liquors trouble, some big trouble.
I think its important to know your biochemistry...only the individual within their own body with assistance from loved ones (we count too) can keep track of the effect of these chemicals/foods (whether sanctioned by law or not).  Glad you have some scripts you know.  I donot take prescriptions.  Do not recommend as it is hard work, and has cost me many years....Course my thyroid loves me....

Feel free to contact me directly at ***@****

You are doing a great job.  We are all having to curtail spending now.  And compliments to the son who goes walking many times a day to keep his sanity.

Interfaith Hospitality Network (IHN) is a nonprofit supported by area churches.  Perhaps google them and see if one exists in your area.  I love non-regular Catholics...I am a Southern Baptist all grown up.  Here in Athens, the churches are a fundamental mechanism as we address the highest poverty for a county in Georgia.  Little misleading as few have nothing in this part of Georgia.  Buffered by a large research university with highly paid professors and coaches et al we also have people who work in chicken plants, and live in public housing.  You may have heard of Angel Food Ministries.  Still trying to sort that one out....

Gosh, we three gals are talkative..:)
Hope its a good day,
Ann

[map173]

Hi Yvette97,

one day at a time is all we can yearn for.  I am glad your son is on his way.  It is important that whenever a prescription is given we ask the psy what the consequences will be for our health just so that we are aware.  Paxil is know for aiding weight gain, but whatever works best at the given moment in time is all that matters.  It is probably best to not say anything to him as you have mentioned, so that he does not take it out on you.  All we can do is pray that the Lord will help him make the right choices.

I am glad to hear that you are a knitter, this is a very relaxing hobby.
I would think twice about being on old meds.  My psych has advised that the new meds out there have come a long way and are alot better for depression.  Some of them are even controlled released meaning that they release the most appropriate mg when out brain needs it the most.  You might want to further inquire.  I am sorry to hear that you had an allergic reaction to Lamictal but there are other options.

I am also a former catholic now non-denominational christian.  If you do not have a church near by that you are interested in you can also listen on-line.  Some churches have sermons on their website you can listen to.  I know our church does.  www.marinerschurch.org
I am glad to hear that you are saved but we need uplifting words of hope especially when we substitute been uplifted by shopping for nieces, nephews or grandchildren.  Believe me when I say that I am guilty of buying hundreds of dollars of toys for my daughter, nephews and nieces in substitution for that uplifting moment in the past.  I have learned that the Lord wants me to be a good steward for the money he has given my family and going into debt (which I did) is not a burden he wants me to carry because of my medical condition.  This is part of my story.

Blessings,

Map173
  

[stormee]

Hello Yvette. I feel for you. Although I am not bi-polar, I had several years of anxiety and panic attacks, and as I look back I think my dad probably was manic depressive. Let me share my story with you.  Our son is bi-polar, and he needs help desperately. We first noticed he had a problem when he was 18 years old, but as I think back, even as a child he exhibited anxiety and fear. He also had & still has some obsessive compulsive tendencies. When he was 18 he was out with friends and got into a fight. Shortly after that he went into a deep depression with suicidal thoughts. He said the only thing that kept him from doing it was love for his family. He is in his 30's now, so at that time we didn't know about bi-polar. I took him to the doctor and to see a phsychologist. He wasn't put on any meds. As time went on he would get his manic times and his severe lows. He met a nice girl who was patient and understanding. She did her best to help him. They married, but she had to have a hysterectomy which added to his depression because he wanted a child. They started their own business, and then his wife was diagnosed with aggressive Crohn's Disease. For a while she was in the hospital more than she was out. Our son stood by her even though the depression was sometimes unbearable. Because of her illness and his loss of work due to depression and absences, he lost his job. To make a long story short, they lost everything. The business, their home & their health insurance, therefore he was not able to continue getting the phsycological help he needed & could not affort his medication. I think he was on Zoloft. She is in remission now, but in continuous pain and on a lot of pain meds which he became addicted to a few years ago to thinking it would help with his depression. A couple of months ago he took some of her pain meds along with methadone and drank some Jack Daniels. Needless to say that was a bad combination. He became violent and ended up in jail and had to withdraw from his drug dependency alone. He did not remember the incident. Because of many prayers he is home now, but will not be able to see a phsyciatrist for 3 more weeks. He is very depressed. We are a close family and have always given him love and support. We would do anything to help him, but are not sure how to. He told me today he has no more will. This is ripping my heart out. I only hope and pray that he gets on the right meds and has an understanding phsyciatrist. God Bless you.