seeking help

[kansas225]

I have recently been introduced to the idea that I may have BP. Doing research on the web has made me very worried that I have it. I guess I just need some advice.
I am a 25 year old female. I am always in relationships and i always cheat. I drink a lot and find myself starting fights with my significant other. I begin acting out; throwing things punching, kicking, screaming, and ruining relationships and friendships that i care about. It is not unlikely for me to seek attention from others and have sexual relations with many different men. After this i feel so low about myself and i will have thoughts of suicide. I tell myself that if anyone found out about what id done that I would just end my life. I will stay up all night feeling remorseful.
I have had times where i believe im asleep but someone is talking to me and i cannot wake my body up. Its as if only my brain is working during this conversation and my body doesn't respond. Its a very scary feeling.
No one im my life knows that i am like this at all. Im always happy on the outside; telling stories and jokes to make others laugh. I enjoy going out and being with my friends. I spend more money than i have at the bars and even when i go grocery shopping. Lately my (what i believe to be) manic behavior has ruined a few great things in my life including my relationship, and a friendship. I do not have the money needed to seek help even though i feel like i desperately need it.
Im not sure what i should do about this. If anyone has any advice i would greatly appreciate it.
Thank you.

[Anneinside]

One thing that you could do that not only won't cost money but will save you money is to stop drinking. Drinking can make you feel depressed and interferes with clear thinking so that you make inappropriate choices such as sleeping around. What you describe doesn't fit bipolar as there are many different symptoms with mood and risky behavior being only 2. You do need to see a psychiatrist no only for a diagnosis and treatment but because your behaviors are negatively affecting your life. If you live in the US, you can may be able to get help from the county mental health services. They work on a sliding scale so that anyone, no matter how poor, can get services.

[Amy4891]

I think you would probably do best to get evaluated by a psychiatrist. You could see if there are any clinics that may be able to help you at a lower cost.