worried I'm getting no where

[NewAgeMonk]

So for a long time I've searched for help in regards to my mental disorder always thinking it was adhd. Now that I have the chance to take meds I'm scared. It's like during my battle to figure out what's wrong I've completely lost myself in regards of what I'd like to do in life. I've nearly been out of work for 3 years. Been on disability (thank God) for 5 months now though I have over a year more. I don't like sitting around my house but I can't figure out what to do. I have a disconnect feeling with most of my friends. Weed often helps me there. College sounds like the most logical but it scares me a lot. Last time I tried college without meds I was failing for 3 years.

I'm worried I'll be a zombie like last time I was on my meds for a few months. I just wish I could put hope back into things and trust in that hope. I know if I don't change something soon though I'll probably fall into depression again.

I have the perfect opportunity to turn my life around yet I'm scared to death.

[dani61100]

Its so frustrating. Waiting game to see what med works! My hubby (48) is being treated for severe depression and he is on 3 diff meds! Low and behold I was reading about testosterone levels and how it contributes to depression. I am tallking to a man, here that has gone thru
the testosterone injections and is doing much better! There may be hope yet.

[lindahand]

Don't rush. Only enroll for school once you know the meds are working. Otherwise you'll just throw good money after bad. It is hard to be on disability and sitting at home. Some mental health centers have drop in clinics you can go to. The one here has things like swimming, and crafts, and the coffee pot is on all day (the world's worst coffee you've ever tasted though). The people who use the service are on the lower end of mental functioning, but it gets you out of the house and doing something. As well finding a volunteer job may be a good start. It is important to work up and not just completely jump into something new.

[looloo141]

Hello, I agree with gooddaysbaddays, you need to speak with your doctor and between you tailor your meds to suit your needs. I had trouble getting mine right but I said to my doctor that he had to put me on a med that didn't prevent me from getting up in a morning with my children or I wouldn't take any meds at all! that made him listen LOL.
A lot of the meds for BiPolar have lots of side effects unfortunately, but it is possible to find the right combination for you, and the right doseage. I think you would be better off waiting until you have found the right med and doesage before looking into college or employment, just until you are stable and happy with the meds, it could only be a month or so...it is too much to start these meds and have the pressure of getting to college on time or worrying about assignments..you need to focus on getting used to the meds.
They do make you feel like a zombie for a week or two but it gets better! if it doesn't get better you are on the wrong dose.
Sometimes I think the meds feel like they draining us because we have been so exhausted by the illness.
I think turning your life around starts with getting the illness under control and then everything else will follow, try to be patient ( easier said than done I know ) and take small steps, if you jump in too fast and end up ill again that will batter your self esteem even more.
I hope this makes sense, I feel a bit slow today :)

[gooddaysbaddays]

when you get put on meds they will have to see what dose is the right one for you....when on the dose that fits you life will be so much better...be sure to see your doc regularly and see a schrink regularly to regulate the meds and to talk about all of the things you mentioned in your message...I have been going to therapy for a year and it has helped me so much!!! good luck