Avatar universal

has my son got a mental health problem

My 22 yr old son, suffered from panick attacks about 6 years ago, he was gven meds from his GP but never took them, he does not suffer from these attacks now. In august 2009  on the day he was meant to be going on holiday with us , after a major argument he told us he was bulemic. He has lost alot of weight but still ate lots in front of us, apparently this had been going on for 2 years.  He agreed to go to the GP with me, but wanted to go in the room by himself. He was offered counselling and anti depressants to which he refused. It has been 5 months now and he has put on about a stone in weight, but now constantly excercises and has joined a gym. He also buys lots of bodybuilders supplemets eg protein shakes etc, but tells us he does not make himself sick anymore. Our problem now is that he a constant lyer, not about food but everything he tells us, he does not think about anyone else but himself, he is VERY CONTROLLING with people, especially girlfriends and we don't know if this is related to his condition or something else.  Is he just attention seeking, as we had the police turn up at our house saying that a friend from his college had phoned them because she was concerned for his wellfare and that he was going to throw himself from a motorway bridge. When we tracked him down he denied all of this, but he had to attend the police station, he denied it all to them. But what we have since found out is that whilst he was in the police station they left him alone & he phoned his girlfriend to tell her  that when the police questioned her to say she knew nothing and that he had been with her all day. they then let him go .!!! The truth was that she had finished with him and  he ran out of the car near a motorway and didn't come back to the car for about 40 mins. but he still denies ringing any friend to talk to at that time.   He is in full time education doing his A levels and only has 3 months to go as he wants to do zoology, but he hardly goes and does not seem to care that we constantly argue about this  and that if he doesn't want to go to college then he needs to get a job. Nothing gets through to him and  now we have had his ex girlfriend dad ringing us because our son is constantly sending her abusive txts etc. What is wrong with him ?
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I wouldn't be able to say specifically as emotional manipulation can occur in many psychiatric disabilities and only a psychiatrist could provide a specific diagnosis but its clear that at this point he requires psychiatric help. It would be essential for him to have a treatment team to follow up on his care so that they can work with him to stay on medication and understand why he needs to take it. Its important to understand that the emotional manipulation he engages in is a symptom and should be treated as one. What medication could not treat perhaps talk therapy and cognitive behavioral therapy could help as well.
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Avatar universal
hi i'm 23 and i have some mental illness that i'm unsure what it is, i need to seek more help, but its hard to come to terms with, if my friend hadnt have been there for me i would have refused everything myself,for me its, some sort of fear i think, and i ended up stoping all the help i had in the end because i felt stupid doing it, and now i regret this, becuase i do want to get better.

i wanted to say that i lie to my parents i always have done about myself since i can remember, i dont know why i started but i think i just didnt want to disappoint them, i guess it makes it worse becuase i know parents always can tell, and i understand that it would hurt them, but then for me about my metal health i feel they wouldnt understand for other reason becuase they are christain so it might be different, yet my mother has asked me a few times am i depressed and i deni it striaght to her face and i feel so angry that she asked and so guilty that i lied yet i so desperatly want her to know, i dont understand why i'm like this, but i thought i should tell you what its like for me because i think to my self that if i ever had a kid i would be deverstated if they felt they couldnt talk to me but i could understand becuase i know how i am..

I know that when i'm rejected about anything even small to something large like relationships it sends me mental and i always find myself in a terrible state wanting to die and sending horrible messages and then being all sorry and then being terrible i feel i cant control my anger and other emotions.. i dont understand it and i have days where i feel like i woke up and i feel discusted by myself i do not want to be that person, yet when i'm like this nothing else matters, i could almost say i'm stuck, and it happens over and over again..

i dont know if this has helped at all but i hope your son finds his way back to better health soon
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Avatar universal
You both could be describing abandonment issues.  Most people want help but when people get too close they feel overwhelmed and refuse the support.  There is a lot of fear and stigma and other stuff around such issues.
Usually people will feel more confident and competent around others and actually believe they can cope only to find that once alone they are again struggling desperately.

I don't disclose personal information to my family.  I feel my family take my comments and then use them to attack me.  My family give many mixed messages.  They want to help but they don't want to know, etc.  They also have their own issues.

I think you should tell your mother you are depressed.  She may prove to be a huge support and even be extremely understanding.  Usually when people get depressed it means that something in their life isn't working for them as they would like it to be.

I have most likely said abusive things to others too when I have felt rejected and hurt and vulnerable and frightened and threatened.  Most f the time it is because we feel we aren't being heard.  Often the volume (or our behavior) gets turned up so that people do hear.  Most of the time they still don't understand the degree of desperation or distress.  Sometimes this behavior ends in power struggles and sometimes it can lead to a person harming or killing themself.

Feeling stuck sounds like depression and bpd.
A lot of people with bpd feel ashamed for their behaviors and for being.

To Sharon.  It still sounds as though your son suffers from anxiety.
Your son was probably not having panic attacks because he was compensating in other ways (namely the bulimia).
Just a random thought but it may have been a life transition that triggered the anxiety.  What happened to him six years ago?

I still think he is anxious.  In my past I have felt extremely stressed pending any family outing, etc.  I was also wondering if he had agoraphobia.  Where he doesn't like being too far away from home.

A lot of people with bulimia will be an average weight although some will even be overweight.  He could have been purging his meals or exercising excessively.
Probably the exercise is yet another addiction.  A way to manage the anxiety.

People with anxiety disorders often use control.  It gives their world more structure/ stability and makes it more predictable.

It's not attention seeking as such.  He has issues.  When a person is unwell sometimes all they can manage is to focus on their own survival.  It happens with a lot of disorders.

My guess is your son has a personality disorder.  Possibly a cluster b one.  I would be tempted to say bpd (because of the abandonment issues, etc).
Eating disorders, mood disorders are frequently seen with this.
You could try researching borderline personality disorder is you wanted too.  Many sites will include the diagnostic criteria aw well.

I would ensure your son has a consult with a psychiatrist and would strongly encourage him to engage in psychotherapy.

Sometimes peoples mental health issues will only be picked up once imprisoned.

I would talk to your son and get help.  His behavior suggests he is struggling and is uncontained.  If his behavior gets worse and he won't access help I would have him sectioned.
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