Avatar universal

trusting my borderline partner

Hi everyone, I have been in a relationship with someone for four years now and believe she has bpd, I struggle so hard to trust her through the constant lying about everything else, each time I catch her out with lies she just shouts, this is all new to me and I didn't even know this existed! Is it highly likely that she is being unfaithful and I just want to be blind to seeing it?
6 Responses
Avatar universal
It's hard to say if your girlfriend has BPD or just has a hard time telling the truth.
Can you say what other symptoms she has?
Avatar universal
Hi, she binge drinks often, when we first met I really didn't want to be with her but she slowly beat me into it and forced me through horrific mind games to slowly stop seeing my kids, I would catch her out lying frequently and she would always tell me how some guy would be trying to get her number or if she was out she would call to say she was just chatting to some single guy, she is the worst flirt ever, a real big one i don't understand is the way she does everything in her power to stop her son growing up, he is 18 yet acts like a small baby, she lies to him all the time and always comes home much later than she says and so drunk, she has made him so insecure and me too through her lies and deceit. has she kept him like a baby to stop being abandoned? I feel since I have been with her I dont really know my own mind any more, without making one right and one wrong we have had a very different upbringing, mine more middle classed and a different intellect too. I just feel that since I have been forced into this relationship, chemistry being the key(if thats true on her part) I have been slowly broken and dangling next to her son.
Avatar universal
I'm so sorry to just be getting back to you.
No one can control you unless you let them. Your children should always come first in your life, even before your own self.
I can't tell you what you should do or should not do but this is not a healthy relationship at all. Life is just way to short to spend even one minute miserable. And, you do sound miserable.
Chemistry is important in a relationship but it's not the only thing. There has to be love, trust, compassion. I'm not seeing you talk about any of those things.
I would recommend you get in to therapy. This can really help you get your self esteem back. It would be great if her son could get in to therapy too or he may have so many problems later in life, he already is having problems being his own person.
I do feel bad for your girlfriend because I understand BPD. My daughter has it but she is doing very well and working so hard with her therapist.
I'm always here to talk.
16079354 tn?1445156732
Hey Kevclown,

I'm looking for people confronted with BPD like I am right now, I just read your post & I was wondering how things are now? Are you still together, did you break up, how is she, her son and how are you?

I know it's not easy being with someone with BPD especially because underneath the borderline there can be the sweetest person... Even if you want to leave, you can't...
Avatar universal
Really interesting comments and tend to agree. I’ve literally just come out of a marriage with someone I now realise had BPD throughout the entire relationship. Two v young kids and all very messy. Not sure how or why I refused to see it over the years but all the symptoms were there and because I never set good boundaries and was too passive in my approach it just made things worse. You lose your respect and self respect and think the good times will out weigh some of the terrible emotional abuse you suffer. My BPD started an intense romantic emotional affair with another man about 6 months before we separated and I could not understand how someone could be able to sacrifice everything and her young family for her own selfish wants/needs.
Understanding the black and white thinking and how emotions and feelings become so intense has really helped me understand what at the time I thought very irrational almost crazy behaviour. Reading into how these relationships develop and star was like reading the story of how we first met and fell in love. I was the saviour. Now it’s someone else and while there is a part of me that was devastated to begin with I’m now feeling v sorry for the next guy as it’s just history repeating itself. Same game, different players and 1 player who does not know the rules of the game. Lucky escape…
Avatar universal
The more you worry about it and the more you try and force anything the more they pull away. You could be a trigger for her behaviour which means they view you as the reason for the pain. You need to focus on you and have very, very strong boundaries. If you feel that you are not getting the respect or love you need/want then do not sacrifice yourself so much that your actions are revolving around what she is feeling or doing. That's the end of everything, your self respect and any love/respect she will have for you. It's not about you. Remember that. Be you. It's who you will be for the rest of your life and that's ok. That's real.

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