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Avatar universal

Always had health anxieties and need to stop / head punches

Hello all

I know that technically this isn't the right forum, but any contribution is appreciated as I'm worried about the possibility of having harmed myself or caused damage to my brain.

I'm a 34 years old male and for as long as I can remember and from a very young age, I've always worried about certain illnesses which have caused me some level of anxiety. As I have gotten older, these anxieties have become more intense to the point where I would try to disprove that I do not have a certain condition or illness.

A few years ago I started worrying about HIV, when that eventually passed, I started worrying about being exposed to asbestos, and would go so far as to pay close attention to the walls and such when at work or when out due to the fear of being in proximity to asbestos containing material.
I now have an anxiety about punches to the head. About ten years ago, I used to train in a boxing gym and when shadow boxing or sparring and when throwing a jab, we were told to cover our faces with our shoulder to protect it from an incoming punch. So if you can imagine throwing a jab, my shoulder would touch my jaw a little. I haven't boxed for a long time, but some time ago this started to play on my mind to the point that I would throw the jabs in the way I was shown to prove to myself that my shoulder wasn't hitting my head hard enough to hurt me. I managed to stop myself thinking about this for a while until recently when there was a high profile fight on TV, and the thoughts started coming back to me. However this time rather than throwing the jabs as I was shown, I started to lean my jaw into my shoulder as I throw the punch so that my expanding shoulder muscle would jar/nudge my jaw and somewhat cause a vibration to my head, I did this repeatedly, I would stop for a while and then maybe a few hours later do it again, the point being to convince myself that my shoulder hitting my jaw wasn't hard enough to cause my head to shake so much that it could damage my brain.
I am now worried that by doing this I have been hitting myself significantly hard enough to cause some damage to my head if not in the short term, then in the long term. I know this all sounds like a complete contradiction but it's how my thoughts work at the time.

I have resolved to stop doing this but at the back of my mind I'm thinking "did I hit myself hard enough to hurt myself?" and again I'm tempted to do it to see how hard my head is jarred on my shoulder.

If I can somehow resolve this in my mind, then I want to focus on not worrying about my health anymore, to dismiss these thoughts as they happen, but at the moment this particular anxiety about whether I have caused my self harm is occupying my mind.

I guess I'd just like to hear what people think, I know that I wont be happy unless its from someone who knows about head trauma's but any help is much appreciated. I'd also like to give back to the community if I can, I've had my fair share of anxieties.

Thank you
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Avatar universal
Hi there, Though it's hard to tell obviously from reading your story, to calm your nerves you should go to your GP and request an MRI of your brain. Most importantly though I would also seek treatment for your anxiety; I have worked with clients suffering from this and I understand what you feel. It is all encompassing and difficult to shake, I get it. But, you cannot live your life this way. Find a good psychologist that can suggest treatment, possibly including medication. You'll be ok. Good luck.
Helpful - 1
1 Comments
Hi Mich, thanks for your reply.
Realistically I can't see my GP sending me for an MRI because I've asked, but you are right about not living life this way. I have times when I think clearly and times when I don't. In all honesty, I think I have some how conditioned myself to over think things and now it has become the norm to think like this, and as such, I need to condition myself to stop thinking this way. Professional help would be the way to go but  its not something I've considered as I always manage to break the cycle for a while and if I can do that, then I'm hopeful I can break it altogether.

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