impossible children

[Mother_35]

Iam a school teacher . Iam teaching to sr.kg students. But most of the children are mischief and sometimes their mischievous behavior go out of control . Corporal punishments are not allowed so what type of punishment to be given to make them understand their behavior is wrong.

[skepticalpeach]

Looks like I have a new book to check out. I haven't really read any parenting books, but I'll give this one a try since I respect your viewpoints so much! I've been a member of medhelp for years and have never gotten bad advice from the most of the main posters. Also, my DD is going through a bad temper tantrum phase. We are always trying to find different and unique ways to help her stay calm and be good. Many, many of the techniques we used were shown us by her therapists. We were told to NEVER smack, hit, or spank our daughter. Children, especially ones with autism, do not understand that it is a punishment. She would think that we are just trying to teach her that hitting is ok. Of course there is a time and place to be firm and get angry, but I wouldn't make that my main reaction. Sometimes a little fear doesn't hurt though.

[PassinThru]

Then, again, you can get angry because you care. It is a question of temperament and culture. There is no single right way to do anything.

[adgal]

Just so you know...Love and Logic has absolutely nothing to do with lecturing or discussing.  It is about swift and immediate consequences, it's just that those particular consequences don't involve hitting or yelling.  It's also about consequences in an empathetic caring way.  Read it before you knock it...it may not be for everyone, but it's a wonderful thing for us.  

[specialmom]

Anyhoo, often a one style approach with kids doesn't work.  It's finding the right things that work with your own.  This can be trial and error and yes, takes some effort.  I've found love and logic to work with many kids and again, highly recommend this book.  Lots of luck to you and please let us know how it goes.  

[PassinThru]

Siting with a child and discussing his digressions inculcates guilt, which I think is harmful to a child's psyche. I would much rather get angry, ream him out, and get on with whatever we were doing.

I have several children. Perhaps during their lives they have collectively received five smacks. These were for serious transgressions. I remember that one was for biting. Another was for trying out a nasty word on me. The other two or three I don't remember. But in the two cases that come to mind, the behavior was never repeated. Had I instead talked and talked and talked about it, it would have made it more important than it was (and maybe an attractive attention getter)..

By the way, a smack should not be confused with a ritual spanking (which I consider weird), and is nowhere related to a beating. It is merely a means of showing extreme disapproval. And no discussion is needed.

For those of you who disapprove of my attitude I should explain that I am of southern European origin, where the emphasis is more on shame than guilt. My husband is descended from northern Europeans. He lectures. I have brief eruptions. We have great kids.

[adgal]

I don't smack either, and very very rarely do we raise our voices.  We did once smack our 3 year old on the butt and of course have yelled.  We learned very quickly that absolutely nothing positive happened. Yelling just escalated things.  We too are now Love and Logic parents (Specialmom and Sandman had both recommended the book).  It absolutely completely and totally works, at least with our child.  I would think it could be easily adapted to the classroom, and hope it is the method my son's future teachers use.  Give it a read, it is simple and works.

[specialmom]

Oh, the day and age of smacking kids is more in the past today than before as parents evolve to understanding that this isn't really parenting but not having control over themselves.  I've never smacked my kids.  I have few friends that are spankers these days.

Anyway,, I love the book "love and logic".  It involves letting consequences be the teacher rather than us.  It involves no smacking or yelling but instead, having firm things in place that happen if X Y or Z rule is broken.  I found this very helpful and our school district uses it as their method for handling difficult kids.  Check the book out.  

luck to the poster

[PassinThru]

We are a hypocritical bunch. At home we do not espouse the no discipline route, that is, if we are good parents. And most of us are. Have you never reamed out a naughty sone or daughter? Have you ever smacked (I don't mean beat) one of your own? Rare is the parent who hasn't.

[Sandman2]

      Discipline can happen without yelling and threatening - granted its not as easy, and it takes more work, but it can happen.  Good teachers know or have learned how to have disciplined classrooms.  And good discipline in the classroom has nothing to do with the justice system or kids being fragile creatures.  It has everything to do with a school having common goals, the teachers being backed up by the administration and also being trained how to be effective in the classroom.  And, of course, its nice to have parent buy in - but thats a luxury you don't always get.

[PassinThru]

If it is like New York and New Jersey, the answer is "nothing." You are not even allowed to break up a fight if it means touching one of the kids. You are not allowed to yell, threaten, etc. The lack of disciplinary techniques, it seems to me, would bring out the worst in what are basically good kids.

But I think that much of the problem lies with a justice system that almost encourages the bringing of frivolous (sometimes fraudulent) law suits. Another problem is the mistaken notion that children are fragile creatures that are irreparably harmed if you don't make them feel "good about themselves." That is another way of saying you can't punish them.

[Sandman2]

Good question by Lisa. What you can do depends on there age.  How old are they?

[RockRose]

Hmm.  I don't know what your degree taught you about classroom discipline,  but I would think you'd have had classes in classroom behavior management.  What does the principal/headmaster of the school say you should do for discipline?

[lisaob1]

hi mother..pardon my ignorance but im british..what is sr.kg students?

[skepticalpeach]

Is there anything you CAN do to punish them? For instance can you take away a privilege such as computer time? Or give them an extra chore to do or detention? You definitely need a strong personality to lead these kids. Are you in the class alone? It might be easier if you had an aid to help you.

[PassinThru]

The force of personality. The creation of excitement in the learning process. To put it simply, given the present attitudes on discipline in the schools, you are on your own, and if you don't have a powerful personality you are at a disadvantage. I have friends who teach at inner city schools.  I honestly don't know how they do it. It is a very tough job, and I applaud you for taking it on. ("Inner city" means slum or ghetto, by the way.)