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10 Year Old Daughter Behavior problems - nothing is working!
I am at my wits end with my 10 year old daughter. I'm not sure how to explain all of this well, but I will try.
I would like to start by saying that she is a wonderful, beautiful, smart child. She has friends, is active in sports, and plays a musical instrument. She does well in school, and has no behavior problems at school. She is very caring and giving - for example, I got her a candy bar this evening (a rare treat in our house), and she asked if she could save it for tomorrow so she could share it with a friend at lunch.
Despite all of that, we are having some very definite issues and I just don't know where to turn any more.
She has always been what I would call "high maintenance." When she was about 1.5 - 3.5 years old, she would have 8 - 10 meltdowns (on the floor screaming and crying) for no apparent reason BEFORE 10am (we were usually up by 8am). At that time, I was basically told she was just "difficult" and I would need to learn to deal with her. That was her pediatrician who told me that. I am a teacher, I know how to deal with difficult behaviors, and this seemed out of the norm, but I figured, what did I know?
Over the years, we have had a variety of issues with her - occasionally loud noises would bother her. She used to flush the toilet and run from the room because it was "too loud". She went through almost an entire year where she refused to wear underwear - said it felt "weird" or was giving her constant "wedgies". Took her to the pediatrician - they couldn't find anything wrong and basically said to try different types of underwear and again, to learn to deal with her personality.
When things don't go exactly the way she wants, or when her clothing doesn't fit right, her hair isn't right, or the clothing she wants to wear isn't available (i.e. in the dirty laundry) she will fly into a total fit and have a meltdown. There is no talking to her at this point. She will answer anything I say with "You hate me" or "Everything is always my fault" or "Why are you being so mean to me?" She is completely unreasonable. We have tried talking rationally with her, and she just shuts down and won't listen - instead continuing to mumble negative comments over and over again with no response to what we are saying other than negativity.
Homework has become a nightmare. It is a miracle that her grades haven't suffered, and I think that's a testament to just how smart she is. She has a total meltdown if she feels something is "too hard" and will say she is "stupid" and "can't get anything right." She can get 24 out of 25 of her spelling words right the first time she ever even tries studying and it's as if the world is coming to an end. It can take 2 hours or more to get work done that should take 20 - 30 minutes max.
I have tried talking to her pediatrician many times, and finally got approved to get counseling after my daughter shut herself in her closet and said she wished she was dead a year ago. The counselor was very nice, but it hasn't helped the tiniest bit. My daughter definitely understands all of these great behavior techniques (how to understand your feelings, how to calm down before you get really angry, etc.), but the NEVER implements them.
The past 4 school mornings have been a nightmare. I have fought with her every single day. One day her clothes weren't right. Once it was her hair - four strands were sticking out of her ponytails. No matter what I said or did nothing would make it right and her entire day - no, her entire LIFE was ruined.
I just don't know what to do at this point. My heart breaks for her and the life she is leading. I know I am at my wits end, and I can't imagine how all of this feels on her end. I know in my heart there must be something I can do to help her, but I am totally lost and don't know where to turn.
Please, if you have any suggestions, let me know. I am so tired of fighting with her every day, and just want her to have a good, happy life and know that her father and I love her more than anything. My fear is that she will grow up thinking no one ever understood her and that we don't love her.
I would like to start by saying that she is a wonderful, beautiful, smart child. She has friends, is active in sports, and plays a musical instrument. She does well in school, and has no behavior problems at school. She is very caring and giving - for example, I got her a candy bar this evening (a rare treat in our house), and she asked if she could save it for tomorrow so she could share it with a friend at lunch.
Despite all of that, we are having some very definite issues and I just don't know where to turn any more.
She has always been what I would call "high maintenance." When she was about 1.5 - 3.5 years old, she would have 8 - 10 meltdowns (on the floor screaming and crying) for no apparent reason BEFORE 10am (we were usually up by 8am). At that time, I was basically told she was just "difficult" and I would need to learn to deal with her. That was her pediatrician who told me that. I am a teacher, I know how to deal with difficult behaviors, and this seemed out of the norm, but I figured, what did I know?
Over the years, we have had a variety of issues with her - occasionally loud noises would bother her. She used to flush the toilet and run from the room because it was "too loud". She went through almost an entire year where she refused to wear underwear - said it felt "weird" or was giving her constant "wedgies". Took her to the pediatrician - they couldn't find anything wrong and basically said to try different types of underwear and again, to learn to deal with her personality.
When things don't go exactly the way she wants, or when her clothing doesn't fit right, her hair isn't right, or the clothing she wants to wear isn't available (i.e. in the dirty laundry) she will fly into a total fit and have a meltdown. There is no talking to her at this point. She will answer anything I say with "You hate me" or "Everything is always my fault" or "Why are you being so mean to me?" She is completely unreasonable. We have tried talking rationally with her, and she just shuts down and won't listen - instead continuing to mumble negative comments over and over again with no response to what we are saying other than negativity.
Homework has become a nightmare. It is a miracle that her grades haven't suffered, and I think that's a testament to just how smart she is. She has a total meltdown if she feels something is "too hard" and will say she is "stupid" and "can't get anything right." She can get 24 out of 25 of her spelling words right the first time she ever even tries studying and it's as if the world is coming to an end. It can take 2 hours or more to get work done that should take 20 - 30 minutes max.
I have tried talking to her pediatrician many times, and finally got approved to get counseling after my daughter shut herself in her closet and said she wished she was dead a year ago. The counselor was very nice, but it hasn't helped the tiniest bit. My daughter definitely understands all of these great behavior techniques (how to understand your feelings, how to calm down before you get really angry, etc.), but the NEVER implements them.
The past 4 school mornings have been a nightmare. I have fought with her every single day. One day her clothes weren't right. Once it was her hair - four strands were sticking out of her ponytails. No matter what I said or did nothing would make it right and her entire day - no, her entire LIFE was ruined.
I just don't know what to do at this point. My heart breaks for her and the life she is leading. I know I am at my wits end, and I can't imagine how all of this feels on her end. I know in my heart there must be something I can do to help her, but I am totally lost and don't know where to turn.
Please, if you have any suggestions, let me know. I am so tired of fighting with her every day, and just want her to have a good, happy life and know that her father and I love her more than anything. My fear is that she will grow up thinking no one ever understood her and that we don't love her.
Yes, take her to see an "OT" for an eval for sensory processing disorder. It's not normal to have that many clothing issues. Also, kids with this disorder have a very low frustration tolerance.
Yes, look up tactile defensiveness and sensory processing disorder.
I'm not surprised you are finding the therapist to not be helpful. I took my son to one as well before we got the SPD diagnosis and it wasn't helpful. They kept saying ADHD, one said Bipolar.
What does the counselor say?
You are not alone in these struggles.....
Yes, look up tactile defensiveness and sensory processing disorder.
I'm not surprised you are finding the therapist to not be helpful. I took my son to one as well before we got the SPD diagnosis and it wasn't helpful. They kept saying ADHD, one said Bipolar.
What does the counselor say?
You are not alone in these struggles.....
I agree with jdtm about the sensory issues.
She really has red flags for sensory defensiveness.
I would have her evaluated by an OT (Occupational Therapist) and go from there. The real physical issues (underwear, aversion to noises, hair-trigger tantrums for things that wouldn't upset other children) point to sensory issues.
Best wishes. I think if you just google "sensory defensiveness' you'll let out a loud sigh. There are many like her, and there is help. ;D
She really has red flags for sensory defensiveness.
I would have her evaluated by an OT (Occupational Therapist) and go from there. The real physical issues (underwear, aversion to noises, hair-trigger tantrums for things that wouldn't upset other children) point to sensory issues.
Best wishes. I think if you just google "sensory defensiveness' you'll let out a loud sigh. There are many like her, and there is help. ;D
I'm wondering if there is some kind of physical chemical imbalance in your daughter's brain - similar to the lack of insulin in a diabetic child. Our granddaughter suffers from extreme anxiety and takes a SSRI (selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor) in order to balance her "moods". She is now a teenager and if you asked her why she takes her "pill"; she would say that it "keeps her from getting mad". If I'm right, this would explain why counseling did not work with your daugher. By the way, SSRI medication is not addictive - her parents did try weaning her from this medication twice - both times with disasterous results. I suspect our granddaughter will be on this medication for life - as a diabetic would be with insulin - but at least, she now has a life and is able to cope.
Instead of talking to your pediatrician, have you considered seeing a medical mental health specialist as a child neurologist or child psychiatrist? One more thing - our granddaughter also suffered from depression, sensory issues (as you are seeing with your daughter's and her clothing), and extreme frustrations and temper tantrums. These things, as well as sleeping issues, eating issues and toileting issues, are common to children with chemical imbalances. Anyway, just wondering ....
Instead of talking to your pediatrician, have you considered seeing a medical mental health specialist as a child neurologist or child psychiatrist? One more thing - our granddaughter also suffered from depression, sensory issues (as you are seeing with your daughter's and her clothing), and extreme frustrations and temper tantrums. These things, as well as sleeping issues, eating issues and toileting issues, are common to children with chemical imbalances. Anyway, just wondering ....
It is normal for that behavior it's just her bodies is developing hormones that she needs to develop her period it's just hormones that are taking her to some mood swings
The first thing I can think of as I look at what was written above is something external. I base this on Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs in the realm of "belonging". Oftentimes, at this age (10 years), kids are coming of age in the need to feel part of a group at school. They do not always know how to express this to parents. Some do not. Others hold it in, for instance. Since we are not built to keep such issues to ourselves, they get expressed in different ways, such as the issues of feeling "stupid" when she is the opposite of that. My daughter is 10, meeting many of the characteristics described above. Even with her good grades, and excellent accomplishments, kids at school call her names. After winning the school spelling bee the second year in a row, a student ridiculed her for not going all the way to nationals. Remember that, whether attending public or private school, kids are often mean to one another in what they say. Some kids adapt, but this could be very damaging to others. I say do the "Patch Adams" thing where he was asked to look beyond a set of fingers to the "solution" to the problem here. I do not believe your daughter should be the focal point here (though I do believe you should follow the advisement of experts) to the degree that aspects of her external environment could be at play. Take a look at her activities and who interacts with her outside of the home more deeply and see if you cannot begin to affect what is really the issue here. I am one who prays in addition to taking action. I will be praying for both the child and you. Godspeed, and cheers!
I am so glad I came across this. I know this is an old thread but.... wow....!!!!! My daughter is 10 years old. She doesn't have issues with sounds or clothes that I have noticed... other than she has meltdowns if she cant wear what she wants when she wants to. The meltdowns.... I know this is going to sound horrible.... I love my daughter but I can't take it anymore. I love her but hate her.... God forgive me. She is social and has friends. Parents say she is great and well behaved. Teachers say she is great. When she is home I don't see it. The meltdowns over everything... she hates me, everything is my fault, I am mean, I don't love her, I don't like her. She is the 4th child of 5 so for the longest time when she would have her meltdowns and say "everyone hates me", "I wish I was dead", "You wish you never had me!".... recently add in self abuse. She punches herself, pulls her hair, bites herself. I thought these were middle child issues until recently. I tried mommy daughter time, I tried... I have tried everything. I just can't take it anymore. If she doesn't get what she wants, when and how she wants it we have total full, on horrible meltdowns. They go on for hours! Please..... I don't know what to do here. My other children never acted this way. Help....
1 Comments
Argh. You know what this sounds like to me? Your daughter is starting puberty. I have a son with sensory integration disorder (which is what a lot of this thread references the symptoms of) but I also have two boys that are puberty years. Pre teens. Lordy, it's rough, man. Is she developing any of the things that start when hormones begin raging? My first sign with my sons was . . .ugh, body odor. Out of nowhere, there was BO. Hello deodorant. That started around 11 for my boys. By 12, both were full on puberty and girls can start earlier. And the emotional stuff that goes with it, watch out! My son, who has a wardrobe of athletic pants and hoodies, has had a fit about wearing the wrong hoodie to school. I kid you not. And it was all my fault! It can be a bit exhausting.
What I've done is first, try to understand that their changing hormones are making them a bit like this. So, I can understand it. However, I can not tolerate some things. I have my things I will let go and my things I won't. So, she's a bit extreme with her tantrums. This is rough, but walk away. Tell her you will talk to her when she is calm. Even if she is biting herself and pulling her own hair. Unless there is a significant mental health piece, this will stop. Keep to it, "I will discuss this with you when you are calm and not until then". And stick to it. She'll flip out the first few times but then get it together. But before that even happens, look for triggers and problem solve them. And also, talk during calm times when all is well about these meltdowns. Ask her what is going on. Talk about appropriate ways to handle inner frustration, fear and anger. Give suggestions and act them out even. Calming things like chewing bubble gum, opening and closing fists, deep breathing, going for a walk to cool off or to a cool off spot where no one bothers her are alternatives to the tantrum behavior. teach it to her. She can then use that her whole life.
It's awesome that school is going well! And that she has friends. Sometimes, home becomes that one safe place and mom the safe person to let it all loose with. WE get the worst of them because they feel like they can just let it go with you. I try to think of it as an honor. ha.
I set simple, clear boundaries for my sons though. And adhere to them. In a loving way. And kids may push against that.
But I also let them explore their independence. My kids don't want to wear a jacket? 2 degrees out? Fine. They won't die from it and if they are cold, they'll make a better decision next time (maybe). I don't fight over anything like that. And try to let them make more and more little decisions for themselves.
Anyway, parenting is a tough gig. I'm guessing puberty for your girl. And that means you have a few more years of suffering to endure. lol But they say it gets better!
What I've done is first, try to understand that their changing hormones are making them a bit like this. So, I can understand it. However, I can not tolerate some things. I have my things I will let go and my things I won't. So, she's a bit extreme with her tantrums. This is rough, but walk away. Tell her you will talk to her when she is calm. Even if she is biting herself and pulling her own hair. Unless there is a significant mental health piece, this will stop. Keep to it, "I will discuss this with you when you are calm and not until then". And stick to it. She'll flip out the first few times but then get it together. But before that even happens, look for triggers and problem solve them. And also, talk during calm times when all is well about these meltdowns. Ask her what is going on. Talk about appropriate ways to handle inner frustration, fear and anger. Give suggestions and act them out even. Calming things like chewing bubble gum, opening and closing fists, deep breathing, going for a walk to cool off or to a cool off spot where no one bothers her are alternatives to the tantrum behavior. teach it to her. She can then use that her whole life.
It's awesome that school is going well! And that she has friends. Sometimes, home becomes that one safe place and mom the safe person to let it all loose with. WE get the worst of them because they feel like they can just let it go with you. I try to think of it as an honor. ha.
I set simple, clear boundaries for my sons though. And adhere to them. In a loving way. And kids may push against that.
But I also let them explore their independence. My kids don't want to wear a jacket? 2 degrees out? Fine. They won't die from it and if they are cold, they'll make a better decision next time (maybe). I don't fight over anything like that. And try to let them make more and more little decisions for themselves.
Anyway, parenting is a tough gig. I'm guessing puberty for your girl. And that means you have a few more years of suffering to endure. lol But they say it gets better!
Hi im having alot if the same problems with my daughter her school think she has a attachment disorder i don't know what to do at the moment im stressed and exhausted and feel useless because im trying my best to help her x
1 Comments
Sounds like she may have Aspergers. Google it. Certain sounds or pitches are extremely disturbing to them. A lot of what you describe is found in those who have Aspergers.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Boy, I am glad I saw this. It really sounds like your daughter could have sensory processing disorder or SPD. It is treated by an Occupational Therapist. And it is very possible that the psychologist has no clue about this condition. Of course, its also possible that she has ADD,but one thing at a time. We have a very experienced CL at medhelp in the sensory integration disorder forum (her own son has it) which is another name for SPD. That link is here - http://www.medhelp.org/forums/Sensory-Integration-Disorder-SID/show/1396
But you might want to start here which is the major site for SPD. The link is - http://www.sensory-processing-disorder.com/
This link will give you the symptoms and treatments for it.
If you are interested in more info on the possibility of ADD you can post here - http://www.medhelp.org/forums/ADD---ADHD/show/175
Hope this helps.
But you might want to start here which is the major site for SPD. The link is - http://www.sensory-processing-disorder.com/
This link will give you the symptoms and treatments for it.
If you are interested in more info on the possibility of ADD you can post here - http://www.medhelp.org/forums/ADD---ADHD/show/175
Hope this helps.
Wow, reading this is like reading about my daughter exactly. When I read your comment about the hair pulling in preschool my heart skipped a beat. My daughter did the same thing and was bald from her ear lobes down for a long period. She stopped that on her own. My daughter displays all the other symptoms/issues that your child shows. She hasn't done her homework from school in weeks because it causes a huge explosion. She goes through months where she is ok and then poof we go through a period where I am tip-toeing and have to be careful so she doesn't loose it. The outbursts take hours to stop and it's as if my normally smart, well spoken little girl turns into a dinosaur and can't function and repeats herself over and over like a broken record. It is heart wrenching and there is little I can do. Last week the outburst occured at the library and she was trying to open the car door as we were driving home. When she's in the midst of her tantrums she has no regard for her personal safety, whereas otherwise she tends to be cautious. She has major sensory issues and despite having a ton of nice clothes will only wear a handful of items. Her school has uniforms and she is ok with those otherwise I don't think she'd make it to school each day. It is awful. We are currently seeing a psychologist but I have yet to get any real help. The psychologist can tell she is very intelligent. I am at my wits end. Thank you for your post because it makes me feel that I'm not alone in this.
Hello OP,
I don't know if you're still there, but I wanted to say that your description of your child could have been a description of ME when I was her age. I had sensory integration disorder and childhood depression, along with severe anxiety ... though no one used any of these terms at the time. I was finally medicated at the age of 18, when I became suicidal. Medication literally saved my life. I am now in my late 30s, and my adult life has been almost completely normal, NOTHING like the hell that my childhood was. I say "almost" completely normal because there have been times when I've tried to go off the meds, always with disastrous consequences. I'm in no way saying that your child needs medication -- I'm not a doctor -- but I do recognize that she has a medical problem, because I have the same problem. I'm also a teacher and have had students with sensory integration disorder and anxiety. Hopefully a knowledgeable therapist will be able to help you; if not you should try taking her to a psychiatrist. You are so right to love her and not blame her for her medical problem -- it is not her fault and certainly not her "personality." Good luck!
I don't know if you're still there, but I wanted to say that your description of your child could have been a description of ME when I was her age. I had sensory integration disorder and childhood depression, along with severe anxiety ... though no one used any of these terms at the time. I was finally medicated at the age of 18, when I became suicidal. Medication literally saved my life. I am now in my late 30s, and my adult life has been almost completely normal, NOTHING like the hell that my childhood was. I say "almost" completely normal because there have been times when I've tried to go off the meds, always with disastrous consequences. I'm in no way saying that your child needs medication -- I'm not a doctor -- but I do recognize that she has a medical problem, because I have the same problem. I'm also a teacher and have had students with sensory integration disorder and anxiety. Hopefully a knowledgeable therapist will be able to help you; if not you should try taking her to a psychiatrist. You are so right to love her and not blame her for her medical problem -- it is not her fault and certainly not her "personality." Good luck!
Hello OP,
I don't know if you're still there, but I wanted to say that your description of your child could have been a description of ME when I was her age. I had sensory integration disorder and childhood depression, along with severe anxiety ... though no one used any of these terms at the time. I was finally medicated at the age of 18, when I became suicidal. Medication literally saved my life. I am now in my late 30s, and my adult life has been almost completely normal, NOTHING like the hell that my childhood was. I say "almost" completely normal because there have been times when I've tried to go off the meds, always with disastrous consequences. I'm in no way saying that your child needs medication -- I'm not a doctor -- but I do recognize that she has a medical problem, because I have the same problem. I'm also a teacher and have had students with sensory integration disorder and anxiety. Hopefully a knowledgeable therapist will be able to help you; if not you should try taking her to a psychiatrist. You are so right to love her and not blame her for her medical problem -- it is not her fault and certainly not her "personality." Good luck!
I don't know if you're still there, but I wanted to say that your description of your child could have been a description of ME when I was her age. I had sensory integration disorder and childhood depression, along with severe anxiety ... though no one used any of these terms at the time. I was finally medicated at the age of 18, when I became suicidal. Medication literally saved my life. I am now in my late 30s, and my adult life has been almost completely normal, NOTHING like the hell that my childhood was. I say "almost" completely normal because there have been times when I've tried to go off the meds, always with disastrous consequences. I'm in no way saying that your child needs medication -- I'm not a doctor -- but I do recognize that she has a medical problem, because I have the same problem. I'm also a teacher and have had students with sensory integration disorder and anxiety. Hopefully a knowledgeable therapist will be able to help you; if not you should try taking her to a psychiatrist. You are so right to love her and not blame her for her medical problem -- it is not her fault and certainly not her "personality." Good luck!
As I was reading your post I felt like it was my own son you were writing about. I know how frustrating all this is for you. We sought help for my son when he was 7 years old - he is now 12. Unlike your daughter his outbursts were occuring in school as well as at home. He also is very smart (GATE student) - gets excellent grades in school, but the meltdowns over homework/schoolwork were unbearable. He also has sensory issues - the noise of the toilet flushing was a problem for him when he was younger, as well as other loud sounds and bright lights. He, unlike your daughter, does not do very well with sports - he struggles with coordination issues - and this would also cause meltdowns.
When he was younger he received OT services for the coordination and sensory issues, and he continues to see both a child psychologist and psychiatrist. His psychologist uses CBT techniques and like your daughter he understood what he needed to do to help change his behavior and calm down but when a negative situation naturally occured his emotions were just too strong and he was unable to use the techniques.
We started seeing much improvement when at age 8, his psychiatrist recommended trying Zoloft. What a difference this made for him - the meltdowns subsided - and he was able to rationalize situations much better and use the CBT techniques he had been given. It wasn't 100%, but enough to where he was able to get through his day without meltdowns - he would still become frustrated over things but was able to regroup and pull himself together - unlike before.
Unfortunaltey, now that he has reached puberty (I know this is one of your concerns also), the meds don't seem to be as effective. He recently started having the meltdowns again - not as often as when he was younger, but a little more severe now that he is older. His pdoc has recommended a medication change and that is what we are starting to do right now. We hope we will have good results - it's pretty much trial and error though.
I would like to recommend 2 books that were really helpful for me that might be for you as well:
The Out-Of-Sync Child, by Carol Stock Kranowitz, and
The Explosive Child, Understanding and Helping Easily Frustrated, "Chronically Inflexible" Children by Ross W. Greene, Ph.D.
I hope you are able to find some help for your daughter - please know you are not a terrible parent - you are doing the right thing. Hang in there, you're not alone....keep us posted on how it's going.
When he was younger he received OT services for the coordination and sensory issues, and he continues to see both a child psychologist and psychiatrist. His psychologist uses CBT techniques and like your daughter he understood what he needed to do to help change his behavior and calm down but when a negative situation naturally occured his emotions were just too strong and he was unable to use the techniques.
We started seeing much improvement when at age 8, his psychiatrist recommended trying Zoloft. What a difference this made for him - the meltdowns subsided - and he was able to rationalize situations much better and use the CBT techniques he had been given. It wasn't 100%, but enough to where he was able to get through his day without meltdowns - he would still become frustrated over things but was able to regroup and pull himself together - unlike before.
Unfortunaltey, now that he has reached puberty (I know this is one of your concerns also), the meds don't seem to be as effective. He recently started having the meltdowns again - not as often as when he was younger, but a little more severe now that he is older. His pdoc has recommended a medication change and that is what we are starting to do right now. We hope we will have good results - it's pretty much trial and error though.
I would like to recommend 2 books that were really helpful for me that might be for you as well:
The Out-Of-Sync Child, by Carol Stock Kranowitz, and
The Explosive Child, Understanding and Helping Easily Frustrated, "Chronically Inflexible" Children by Ross W. Greene, Ph.D.
I hope you are able to find some help for your daughter - please know you are not a terrible parent - you are doing the right thing. Hang in there, you're not alone....keep us posted on how it's going.
I suspect you might already know this but just in case ...
Pulling out one's hair is called Trichotillomania which is one of the anxiety disorders. Anxiety is a physical, mental and emotional disorder and all aspects must be treated; anxiety does not disappear nor will it go away. But, anxiety can be managed and controlled although one often requires learning new skills in order to do this. The reward chart worked for the "hair pulling" but the anxiety did not disappear. So, instead of the hair pulling, other anxiety behaviours tend to "rear their ugly heads". If you think back, you probably can remember some of the newer behaviours that you started to see at that time. The hair pulling was a comfort mechanism and so it would need to be replaced with something else. The reward chart in itself is not a bad thing; but a more appropriate comforting behaviour needed to replace the hair pulling and I suspect this did not happen.
A psychologist is a very educated therapist and can work wonders with the emotional and mental components of anxiety. A psychiatrist is a medical doctor and is able to deal with the physcial component in addition to the emotional and mental aspects. He/she is able to prescribe medication which is why a pyschiatrist is best suited for mental health issues. In many cases, a psychiatrist is consulted for the diagnosis and medication while the psychologist is the one to devise a "plan" to deal with the emotional and mental aspects of this disorder. But, in most instances, it is the parents who implement and follow the plan and thus, do the most work (except, of course, the child). And yes, an hour is plenty of time to diagnose anxiety - it is so common and the behaviours tend to be obvious to the trained eye.
But, like you, I also feel there is "something else" going on here. Sensory issues tend to be co-morbid with many mental health issues and thus, dealing with only the sensory issues does not solve the entire problem. Also, anxiety issues tend to be co-morbid with many mental health issues so things can get very complicated. Then, throw in depression and well ... The OT should be able to help you with some of the emotional and maybe mental issues but not the physcial ones. So glad that you are aware of this and seeking more help. By the way, when our granddaughter hit puberty things became very complicated and difficult but with time, things are improving. All the best ....
Pulling out one's hair is called Trichotillomania which is one of the anxiety disorders. Anxiety is a physical, mental and emotional disorder and all aspects must be treated; anxiety does not disappear nor will it go away. But, anxiety can be managed and controlled although one often requires learning new skills in order to do this. The reward chart worked for the "hair pulling" but the anxiety did not disappear. So, instead of the hair pulling, other anxiety behaviours tend to "rear their ugly heads". If you think back, you probably can remember some of the newer behaviours that you started to see at that time. The hair pulling was a comfort mechanism and so it would need to be replaced with something else. The reward chart in itself is not a bad thing; but a more appropriate comforting behaviour needed to replace the hair pulling and I suspect this did not happen.
A psychologist is a very educated therapist and can work wonders with the emotional and mental components of anxiety. A psychiatrist is a medical doctor and is able to deal with the physcial component in addition to the emotional and mental aspects. He/she is able to prescribe medication which is why a pyschiatrist is best suited for mental health issues. In many cases, a psychiatrist is consulted for the diagnosis and medication while the psychologist is the one to devise a "plan" to deal with the emotional and mental aspects of this disorder. But, in most instances, it is the parents who implement and follow the plan and thus, do the most work (except, of course, the child). And yes, an hour is plenty of time to diagnose anxiety - it is so common and the behaviours tend to be obvious to the trained eye.
But, like you, I also feel there is "something else" going on here. Sensory issues tend to be co-morbid with many mental health issues and thus, dealing with only the sensory issues does not solve the entire problem. Also, anxiety issues tend to be co-morbid with many mental health issues so things can get very complicated. Then, throw in depression and well ... The OT should be able to help you with some of the emotional and maybe mental issues but not the physcial ones. So glad that you are aware of this and seeking more help. By the way, when our granddaughter hit puberty things became very complicated and difficult but with time, things are improving. All the best ....
Thanks so much! I completely forgot to mention that she went several months in between preschool and kindergarten where she pulled out most of the hair on her head. We took her to the pediatrician, who hooked us up with a therapist, and it didn't do a thing. We were at our wits end, and finally my mom suggested a reward chart - voila! It worked! She hasn't done it since, but obviously we are having other issues.
I did take her to a psychologist (I always get that and psychiatrist confused - hope I got it right this time!), and she was diagnosed with anxiety. But I feel like he only said that because he just wasn't sure what else to say. He met her once for maybe an hour - how is that good enough to make a diagnosis? She does have anxiety, but in my heart I have always felt there is something more that we are missing.
I will look into an OT and child neurologist asap. I feel like I'm racing against the clock as she heads for puberty because I'm sure that will only make things worse.
Thanks again - it sure does help to know I'm not alone and I'm not imagining all of this, and that I'm not a terrible parent. Sometimes it sure does feel like I'm the worst mom in the world!!!
I did take her to a psychologist (I always get that and psychiatrist confused - hope I got it right this time!), and she was diagnosed with anxiety. But I feel like he only said that because he just wasn't sure what else to say. He met her once for maybe an hour - how is that good enough to make a diagnosis? She does have anxiety, but in my heart I have always felt there is something more that we are missing.
I will look into an OT and child neurologist asap. I feel like I'm racing against the clock as she heads for puberty because I'm sure that will only make things worse.
Thanks again - it sure does help to know I'm not alone and I'm not imagining all of this, and that I'm not a terrible parent. Sometimes it sure does feel like I'm the worst mom in the world!!!
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