10 Year old afraid of being alone

[Unthred]

My daughter is very afraid of being alone and I am looking for a way to help her. She has spoken to me about it in the hope that I can help her solve the problem. Any problem she has and we cannot solve by discussing she knows and trusts that I will research and find a solution. She is a very intelligent and articulate girl full of fun and generally quite happy. I suspect her problem stems from when she was 4-5 she had to deal with a tremendous amount!! Her mum and I split up so of course she had to move house, but we did 50% custody for the next 4 years until work forced me move 50 miles away (I still see her frequently, but I am a weekend and dad now with a week night visit), both her grandparents died in a freak accident and a very close family friend who seemed totally healthy died within 5 months cancer. She had to deal with all this within the space of about 14 months, that’s such an awful amount for a young child to have to deal with. If she was younger it probably would not have been as bad but being as intelligent as she is she understood all that was going on.

Well that’s the background. Her fear seems to be that something bad is going to happen, someone will come in, break into the house, hurt her or someone she cares about. Even as a baby she never liked to play alone and still doesn't. She will always be reading a book or watching the television or on her computer.

In School, her popularity, marks, attendance etc could not be better, she loves the Girl Guides.

Oh she is also scared of the dark.

Thanks very much for any help you may be able to provide  

[Helperguy508]

Not fully, but enough to be alone for weeks to months to maybe years, but don't leave her alone for more than a few weeks.

[Helperguy508]

Don't give her therapy (if you haven't already), it will just freak her out. I suggest slowly getting her use to being alone just gradualy let her be alone more and more and after each time ask her if she felt as scared as she was before. If it was more then let her be alone less if she matures a little bit more (with her being scared) move back into gradualy being alone. If she is less afraid then let her be alone a little bit longer and make the process a little bit faster, if gets scared go back on the time till she is ready, like before, then she will ease out of it.

[Unthred]

Thanks a lot for taking the time to read my questions and post responses. I really apprecieate it, but I dont feel I have dont enough going back to her and telling her she will feel better when she is older, Perhaps I will look into counciling, or talk to my doctor. definately some more research.

Thanks for your help and support

[McAw8709]

I agree with venustiana, when i was young i went through a lot of loss similar to the story you tell about your daughter and i was terrified about being alone, i wouldn't even be on a floor of the house by myself without being scared.  After a few years, more traumatic experiences and a more mature understanding the fear subsided.  Give her time, she will understand eventually, counseling might be a good idea for her, either way, I'm sure she will grow out of it.

[venustiana]

I think is normal that she feels that way after all she has been through. My guess is that she is scared that something bad is going to happen again. After all, she has lost few people that she loves. You might want to get some counseling for her. This is too hard for a child to deal with on her own. And I commend you for been such a good dad and care about her well being.

[Unthred]

You have misunderstood jdtm, I never said at any point she is Home alone. Just being alone. It could be being in her room whilst her mum is in the garden, or leaving her friends house and walking down the street to her home, any number of places where she might be alone for a very short period of time that an other child would be perfectly fine with my daughter gets scared.

[jdtm]

Your daughter is 10 years old.  What is she doing "home alone"?  I hope I have misunderstood this posting .....