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11-year-old boy sleeps with mother

What in your opinion are the psychological ramifications of such a behavior?  I am deeply worried about my 11-year-old grandson who sleeps in his mother's bed.  He becomes deeply jealous and enraged when his divorced mother develops relationship with a man.  What are your thoughts about this child and his mother?  What can be done to change this behavior.  Telling the boy "NO" just doesn't work.
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Avatar universal
My youngest brother (who is now about to turn 15) has always slept in the same bed with my mother. She has never had a steady home lifestyle for him.

He always threw fits to lay with her never admitting he was to affraid to lay by himself.

Eventually he ended up living with me at the age of 10-11 and had no real problems sleeping by himself but when he moved back in with her he started laying in the bed with her again.

At the age of 13 my mother got into a steady relationship and he moved slowly to laying at the foot end of the bed to a mattress on the floor and 1year later he had moved right out of the bed...

Now he is barely even at home at night he stays out a lot and our mother is actually missing the snuggles that they used to have...

My brother didn't get suffer from any physiological problems he is a normal child ...  
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Avatar universal
I slept with Mom from five to eleven, then was given a single bed in the same bedroom to sleep in. It was cold and I could feel the springs so as soon as I heard Mom sleeping I would sneak back into her warm bed. She always slept on her back with her knees drawn up so I would snuggle in close with my knees under hers and lift her right arm around my neck. There was never anything sexual about it  just warmth and comfort. A few months later my sister who had insisted on the single bed for me, went off to college and I took her bedroom and got my first long trousers and felt so suddenly grown up, which felt amazing. I could never understand why my sister insisted I move into my own bed. I thought she was jealous or I was not grown up properly or something. I just liked sleeping with Mom. Of course I wouldn't dream of doing that by the time I was thirteen, but at eleven kids didn't understand about sex in those days..
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Avatar universal
Uh most certainly your grandson sleeping in his mothers bed is harmful to his development!  There are numerous studies that have shown, when a child is allowed to sleep in their parents bed on a consistent basis, such as monthly (couple times per month) or more often even, the childs emotional development is harmed almost always in a negative way!  The first and foremost affect this behavior has on the child is the child doesn't fully develop a sense of independance or become fully aware of oneself in a healthy manner!  They often develop co-dependency issues, or come to rely on a parent(s) throughout their entire lives, and always seem to need "bailed out".  Most psychologists that i've studied on this topic if not all, conclude that this behavior at the very least, is never a good thing and mainly only have negative consequences!  So please, privately let the mother know that it needs to come to a stop now or very soon!  Before the child is harmed in a way that is not good!
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535822 tn?1443976780
Do you mean you get mad with some jealousy?
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1611689 tn?1298293660
wow i have the same suitation but and i dont understand it i never sleep with my moms bed when the boyfriend was there fact the further more i never sleep i my mom bed after 3years old
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535822 tn?1443976780
I am sure he will and if he behaves in the manner you describe tearing up her room ,he could use some repercussions maybe losing a privillege he likes ., or no PC ..
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Avatar universal
The bf really likes the boy and likes to do things together with him and as a family group.  Perhaps as time goes by, he will get used to it.  I certainly hope so!!
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535822 tn?1443976780
So he does sleep in his own bed , I think his mom would be better getting him to stay in his own bed now not sending mixed messages and allowing him back when the bf isnt there. It does sound like jealousy maybe if the bf makes some effort to do some guy things with your grandson it may help, if the relationship is to be serious then your grandson will have to get used to it .
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Avatar universal
He slept in his own bed.  My granddaughter who also lives there really likes this man and likes him in their lives, but the grandson absolutely doesn't.  He says he doesn't want to be around her boyfriend at all.  
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535822 tn?1443976780
Thats jealousy , fairly normal but the rage tearing up her bed may not be, where did he sleep when the BF was over ?
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Avatar universal
Thank you for your comment.  I certainly hope it won't hurt him emotionally.  The behavior doesn't seem right to me, but I am of the "older generation", his grandmother.  The 11-year-old boy just seems so possessive of her.  He even went in and ripped his mother's bed apart after she had her boyfriend over that night!  He presents with much rage and resentment of this man.
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535822 tn?1443976780
His mom is the one who has to do it, its no use asking him to sleep in his own bed in another room, his mom has allowed him to, many families sleep together, its their choice. If she wants him to sleep in his own room then she should tell him and not allow him into her bed, he wont like it at first but he will learn to accept it is she is consistant and doesnt give way Very often it solves itself when the child reaches about 12 year old and want their privacy. As for a a psychological ramification I am not a professional but I doubt if it will have hurt him..
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