11 year old seems to be 2 years old.

[bradsissue]

Why would an 11 year old child act 2? He lies about everything big and small. The biggest problem is that he poops his pants like a baby. I don't mean a little I mean everyday and thinks nothing of it. He doesn't try to hide the fact that he has his pants full of poo but when ask about it he will stand in front of you and deny it with it going down his legs. If he is hungry he will say he isn't, if he isn't he will say he is. Everything no matter how small he lies and thinks it's funny. He recently started stealing things nothing important other than he has free access to the things he steals. You ask him if he want jello and he says no then hides it in his pocket and walks away. He stays to himself and wants nothing to do with the rest of the family. He wants to ride in a car seat when he does go out. He is uninterested in things in his age group but enjoys dinosaurs and other toys for smaller kids. He does well in school but has no friends, he really enjoys pooping himself in public. He sneaks up on people and touches them on the arm or somewhere just to scare them. He wants to sit on your lap like a 2 year old. We are at a loss, and his grandparents allow this anytime they are with him. Right down to changing him and buying new underwear when he has "an accident" as they call it. Is there any reason for any of this, he has been to the peds office with no avail. He goes the therapy but has them convinced that nothing is wrong. They say just reward him when he does have "an accident" which is never. We have tried everything from loving, talking punishing, taking everything away, to spanking. All he says is he don't care!!!! And the saddest thing is he doesn't care. He seems to like it. PLEASE help me start to find the help this child needs.

[sundrop84]

Hi Brad. I am so sorry you're going through this. You must feel overwhelmed and helpless. You have my sympathy.

Have you considered the possibility that this child has a personality disorder? (By the way, I am not a child psychologist, I am only drawing from reading lots of literature and personal experience.) You have described pathological lying; manipulation; anti-social behavior (in the sense of wanting to be alone); stealing; and most importantly, constantly pooping himself. I really hope this doesn't upset you, but your post screamed "sociopath" to me. The signs of sociopathy begin in early childhood and a couple of red flags are bed-wetting and hurting animals. You don't mention the latter, but I wonder how this child is around pets, animals, babies, and "weaker, smaller" living things in general?

Unfortunately, doctors and psychiatrists are far less likely to recognize this than you'd hope - sometimes because the child is so adept at lying and manipulating, sometimes because the practitioner might not be very well versed about the disorder (for example, he or she might not know that sociopaths are very rarely "serial killers" and they're not always violent. The key is lack of remorse for wrongdoing/lack of empathy).

It's not so unusual - it's actually estimated that one in 25 people has this disorder, so there's a chance that this could be the issue. Martha Stout, PhD. cites that statistic in her excellent book "The Sociopath Next Door," which has several chapters (real case studies) on child sociopaths. I highly recommend taking a look at that book or anything that Dr. Robert Hare has written on the subject.

https://www.amazon.com/Sociopath-Next-Door-Martha-Stout/dp/0767915828


While googling around after reading your post I also found this: http://www.medhelp.org/posts/Child-Behavior/Is-my-child-a-sociopath/show/699541#post_answer_header

I hope that my hunch is way off, and I'm truly sorry if anything I've written has upset you. But please trust your instincts that something is wrong, because while having "accidents" isn't always indicative of something alarming - and can be grown out of - and neither is lying or stealing - the specific cluster of behaviors you've described as opposed to one or two behaviors in isolation is troubling to me. I'd say start writing things down, educate yourself (better to know a lot about this and then rule it out than to miss it), and find a child psychologist with specific experience in this field. Most others will miss it.

Good luck. And kudos to you for persevering even when the other adults in his world, professional and non-professional alike, won't.

[AnnieBrooke]

You have a handful of problems, but let's talk about the pooping first.  It sounds like he has given up, not that he would prefer to walk about in pants full of poop.  Try looking up "encopresis" and seeing if that fits, and get him to a pediatric gastroenterologist right away.  Your pediatrician might not know that much about encopresis.  Talk to the therapist about he things you are seeing, read this list.  If the therapist blows it off, find a new therapist.

[Kat72222]

I'm not a psychologist but I'm studying psychology at the university level, sounds like either autism/Aspergers syndrome or sociopathy. Honestly it almost sounds like both? May be a long road ahead and I hope you can be patient with him

[Joe1896]

Take him to the psychiatrist.

[specialmom]

I have an 11 year old.  I'm just going to say that something reads inauthentic here as unless there are psychological issues at play here, an 11 year old will care about defecating in their pants.  At that age, they are very aware of peers and become significantly more self conscious.  Again, unless there is something neurological or emotional/psychological at play in which case, he needs care for that and compassion.  

Does he have two homes he spends time in?  Any abuse in either?  

My 12 year old son did not want to stop sitting in his booster seat.  He's a big and tall boy but liked that seat.  Familiarity and all the years of my telling him "it's the safest thing for you".  I was afraid that other kids would make fun of him----  so ditched the seat one day so he'd have no choice to not use it.  My other son who is now 11 is small in stature.  In one of our vehicles, we still have a booster for him.  He's a tiny kid and still fits the size requirements, 11 or not.  I am trying to not give into his age and get rid of it . .   hope he has a growth spurt.  

Yes, check on encropesis.  And show him empathy.  He sounds, from your description, to be on the spectrum.  Perhaps an evaluation with an occupational therapist or a pediatric developmental specialist (often at children's hospitals) would be revealing.  I know most elementary schools have counselors that provide intervention for children. His grades are good so he's not on the radar for that but the social/emotional issues and health issue of going to the bathroom in his pants would definitely be something my school counselor would begin working on with a child and their family.  

good luck

[malikahmoomin]

I agree with the other writers here. He may have a problem he can't control. He laughs maybe because he's embarrassed as we do sometimes in some things. I really feel as though he should see a specialists. I have seven children. I wish I would have gotten them the help they needed instead of accepting its okay lines, or they're looking for attention. God bless your family. I hope you find answers to this issue.

[Sandman2]

   " he goes to therapy". What specifically is it for?  What kind of a professional is doing the therapy?  Has he seen anybody besides his pediatrician for an analysis.  He does have several autistic traits.
   Encopresis is definitely worth looking into.

[RockRose]

It IS the saddest thing that he doesn't care - when a child is so angry at caregivers that he doesn't care at all if they're angry at him,  it's sad.

This child is sticking his thumb in your eye,  for what reasons only you and his mother know.  My guess is he has had quite a rough time of life - and before anyone says that's not so,  he has computer games and lots of food,  he has the cushest life imaginable,  take a hard look at how much loving affection he gets.

I'm guessing you're the boyfriend of the boy's mother.    And I'm guessing you two have a  baby who you both openly adore.  

I really doubt the therapist suggested you reward him for his "accidents".  It would be interesting to hear the exact verbiage the therapist used.

Is there anyway the grandparents could get custody of this child?  I'm guessing most of these behaviors would stop in a few months.