12 year old masturbating in front of 2 1/2 year old

[wishiwaswest]

My ex has a 12 year old daughter who mastubates in front of our 2 1/2 year old son. This is not innocent behavior that is caught in private time but is something that happens in view of everybody around where ever she decides to do it. She does what her father calls rocking with heavy breathing which makes it very obvious what she is doing.  My ex and I share custody of our son. After visits with his father, my son has told me about this behavior. However, thankfully at his age his  does not understand what she is doing. However, this does not give me much comfort.I have spoken to my ex many times  about this. He gets defensive and says he is glad his daughter feels comfortable enough at his house and with him and our her brother to do this. He sees nothing wrong with it. I do not find this behavior normal nor do I think it is acceptable in front of a little boy. I would like to note that my ex leaves my son in the 12 year old's care on quite often. He also allows them to take baths togehter and they even share a room.  The 12 year old has hit puberty and has seemed to be very sexualized since she has little.I am very concerned. Should I be so worried? I need help! What is your opinion on such.

[takemaru]

This is an old post, but I feel obligated to give a comment, as I see only overly concerned mothers answered.

It is not unusual, that kids start to masturbate at an early age. Humans are sexual beings even before they are born.  I think it isn't right to call her "very sexualized". The girl's parents probably let her masturbate for ages, and they weren't too concerned with it.
She was 12, when you sent this post, kids can be quite innocent at that age. I'm sure she doesn't know, how shameful, what she is doing. Get her parents to give her sexual education, which they seem to have neglected so far.

I have 2 sisters, and both started masturbating at a very young age. My parents tried to forbid it, but they continued to do it in secret. But It wasn't secret for me, as we lived in a very small house. I could hear my sister's ragged breathing, after the lights went out. I even caught my parents having sex a number of times. And we all became healthy adults, eventually.

[jaslin328]

this isn't natural parenting. If the young lady is masturbating in front of her baby brother there is most likely a problem. The problem being your ex. If you have asked him to have her stop and he has done so tell him you are going back to court for full custody of your son. Sue for custody and court costs and lawyer fees. If he's any kind of father he will see that she stops masturbating in public. If he's a pervert he will blow you off is which case you need to take actions to protect your son as well as protect his daughter.
  I have 4 kids 3 girls and a boy nudity was common place in our home when they were growing up how ever masturbation was something you did in private. Once each child hit puberty  they became modest and started to be private about their bodies. I believe this is normal at 2 and 3 being naked was fun and at 8 -10 it was ok if some one saw you by 12 modestity has started to take over puberty makes changes to their bodies and it becomes theirs and their alone. If his daughter is 12 and expessing herself in this matter leaves reason to question what is happening behind closed doors? You decide what is best for you and your son only one man opinion.

[cunaligus]

sounds like daddy is a pervert. Hes  been molesting her for a very very long time.

[marktizwazere]

This seems very odd behaviour to me.
It isn't natural for a twelve year old girl to masturbate particularly in front of a toddler of the opposite sex or not.
I think this girl has been sexually abused, check out her father's attitude he sounds like the paedophile.

[AlwaysWondering911]

this is a very weird fact in such and ma'am you should be concerned a girl at the age of 12 shouldnt even be doing that and the father should have a talk with his girl on how she is too young and probably knows too much about sex already leading to horrible things. it is good that she is informed but she should especially keep that private and do this in private ! your son shouldnt see this at such a young age

[aid821]

I too believe masturbation is a natural thing for young people to do, but in privacy where no one can see. If you haven't done so, I feel you need to sit your daughter down woman to woman and have a 'puberty' talk, and explain to her it normal to do what she's doing, but not in front of the 2yo. Your daughter just needs a bit of guidance in trying to figure out everything that she's experiencing at the moment. I wouldn't leave your daughter alone with him as a precaution and would probably hold off on then having baths together. I'd also have another talk and say to your ex-husband and keep reinforcing that you don't like the situation at hand, explaining that as parents you need to work together :)

[cromazon2]

Your EX is a nut job, who will she do in front of next, the boy down the street? She needs counseling but not likely to get it. I might consider calling dept of child services if he doen't stop with the bathing and public mastubating issues. Does she do this in school too? You and your son have rights, if he won't co-operate go back to court. I know it all sounds extreme, but talk again to him asking him to not bathe them together and remind him that even tho the girl is only 12 she and he can be cited for " risk of injury to a minor". Talk to local law enforcment and see if that would be "Risk of Injury to a Minor" Good Luck

[blujay12]

You should very well be concerned. This isn't appropriate AT ALL and she should only be masturbating in her room by herself and not in front of anyone else, especially a little 2 y/o boy. This doesn't sound like normal behavior to me. It is normal if she's alone in her room doing it in private, that's perfectly fine, but this is something that your child shouldn't be exposed to. It could set the wrong example. You can't blame this on the girl, though. If your husband thinks that it's OK for her to masturbate in front of your son, then he is crazy or is a low-life *********! The best thing you can do in this situation is have a conversation to the girl about this and tell her that it's not okay to masturbate in front of her son, and that if she wants to masturbate, she does it in the bathroom. If she does not follow these rules, then keep that girl away from your son as much as possible and tell your ex that you don't want her around him!

[specialmom]

I would be concerned too.  This sounds very odd and what father thinks it is appropriate for his almost teenage daughter to masturbate in front of him?  She's not 2.  I would be very worried.  I think that masturbation is a natural thing kids can discover and do but a parent should set boundaries about this.  In room, alone ---- period.  Not to make waves as these situations with ex's can be tough at times already, but I would make it clear that you want this to stop and then I'd document that.  If you have to take further action to stop it, you have record of it.  I guess you could also speak to your ex in a manner that makes him less defensive.  That you are worried about his daughter as well as your shared son.  Good luck, that sounds like a tough one.  (maybe he could set up guidelines for her at the least as to when she can do this  . . .)