14 year old daughter, boyish or transgender?

[penny109]

Hi, my daughter is 14 years old. Shes very boyish. And has been since she was around 7.In first grade, she was kind of boyish, wore jeans all the time with baggy sweat shirts and sneakers. She had long hair, that was about down to her elbows. Second grade changed completely, she started skateboarding. No tricks, just riding around the house. She never, ever wanted to wear skirts. But, she was a child to listen to almost anything I said. She was very afraid of disappointing me. (My oldest daughter criticized her for being boyish, and I was very hopeful she would be an extreme 'girly-girl.') About the middle of the school year, she started talking to this girl Jordan in her class, who was also very boyish. And had EXTREMELY short hair.. Once my daughter knew that girls could get that short of hair, she begged me for it. I told her she could only get to her chin. But, she found a way around it. She told the hair stylist that she wanted it to the top of her ears.
Oh, and the stylist did it. I was furious, she looked like a boy! I didn't want her to look like that. I wanted to have her look like a girl. She started hanging out with almost all boys. She played with hot wheels, action figures, watched batman. She even begged me for 3 years for a boy's bike.In 3rd grade she grew her hair to about her chin, she wasn't constantly getting bullied. And she was a VERY sensitive child, she couldn't take it. She started skipping school. She learned it from this boy she hung out with who was 10. She ended up getting very detached, for about 6 months. She completely grew her hair back out to her elbows. Fifth grade, she got held back. She got her boy bike, and started riding that around. She got back into skateboarding, and jeans. Now, she seems very depressed, she's talking about binding her chest. Confused about her sexuality. She wants to get boy haircuts. And she's dressed like a boy at friends, and was happy. I asked her which she liked more, she said she doesn't know. Help?

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

You should arrange an evaluation with a clinicina who specializes in issues of gender identity. Only through such an evalaution will you be able to determine how to proceed.

[shawna_76]

Hi,
My partner actually grew up similar to your child. He hated long hair, haited girl scouts, and such. When we met he came out as butch lesbian and had many female partners. When we met, I had been studying both transmen and transwomen as myself, so to me the things your stating as well as those of my partner screamed transgender male..

The medical condition is not anything you did or did not do as a mother. But what you do or do not do is going to influence your childs future in more way than you can imagine. As the good doctor suggests, get your child into a GENDER therapist ASAP!! After sessions a good therapist can tell you what is what. If it is DSM 302.50 (GID for kids) support HIM in HIS goals because it will do so much to improve your childs quality of life and reduce the number of suicide attempts by your child.

From personal experience, my parents did not have a single clue in the world despite the suicide attempts, constant depression, and finding girls clothes under my pillow. Their shortcommings have caused a lot of pain and hardship that continues to this day. Don't make the same mistakes MY parents made..

Shawna

[nathanielleee]

As people we adapt to our surroundings more than we like to realize. I would say try your best to get her around girls who are really "girl like" - help her to make friends. My sister grew up with all boys around her (4 brothers) and was the same way until she started high school and made friends with more girls.

[penny109]

To myself-from myself, - She was constantly getting bullied.* Not, she wasn't constantly getting bullied.