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2yr relationship,partner not accepting my 18yrson choice for gap year

My son's completed 13yrs school. Very responsible but has chosen gap year and wants to do nothing. He wants to go to uni and tells me that he wants to do something and whatever he does will give it 100%.  He has been dedicated at school and is very reliable.  He spends most time on Xbox and on bedroom. He lacks self confidence, has body issues and is not very outgoing
My partner who is here most of the time, but hasn't moved in, cannot accept this. He tells me what my son should be doing.
My son is now one week here and one week at his dad's, alternating.  His dad and I both have tried to get him to work at least but he's adamant not to.  His dad has some work for a couple months fixing up rentals of his. But that's it.  My partner now has left whilst my son is here as I told him if he can't ignore it then he should stay away.  This is but what I'd like ideally, however I do not like him interfering.
Please help
1 Responses
189897 tn?1441126518
Oh, this is a problem for several reasons.  The main one being that he is now 18 and you really can't require him to seek medical treatment (which he might need).
And while your partner does not like this (kind of understandable), he really has no say in the matter.  This is your son.
  I would look into volunteer work that you son might be able to get into.  Especially those with interaction with nature or animals and not necessarily with people.  For example, at the Conservancy where I volunteer we have trail crews.  They go out and repair trails.  Very little social interaction, but are doing a great good.  Plus, its the kind of thing that looks really good on any job or college application.  And most volunteer jobs let you pick your work hours and days - so its very flexible.  It might take him awhile to find the right place to volunteer. Let him know that its ok to say he doesn't like it and try another once he has given it a chance. And it is certainly ok, to start out just doing a bit at a time.
  And finally, don't give him a choice.  He is living rent and food free.  Either he gets a job or he volunteers.  It is very, very bad for him to spend all his time in the bedroom on his xbox.
Thank you. That's definitely a start on the right direction. I work in aged care and we always want volunteers but he'll never consider that.
Your idea of choices and animals etc sounds great plus it's get a job or volunteer. I like it.
Thank you
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