3 1/2 year old nigttime battles

[cgdimaio]

Please help me...my son refuses to go to sleep for HOURS after putting him to bed.  I do not know what to do.  I have taken things away from him.  We have read stories and given baths, warm milk...put his younger brother in the same room with him, thinking he was scared...tried to get him to go sleep in our room...I have spanked him, we have tried putting two baby gates in the door way, we have locked him in his room until he falls asleep (which I don't do anymore, in fear of something happening).  He does the whole, "I have to pee", "I need a drink.", "Read me another story.", Give me another hug/kiss...it goes on and on.  He laughed when I spanked him, so just recently I stopped doing that.  I have started going to playdates, thinking he would get tired...yeah right.  He doesn't nap during the day, unless he just falls asleep, which is rare, and even without a nap he won't go to bed.  He only sleeps for about 8-9 hours a night and that is it!!  I tried letting him watch a movie before bed, then I stopped that.  As a baby he would listen to classical music, but now he refuses to listen to music.  He will turn the lights on if I turn them off.  He tries to continue playing with his toys, he will wake his younger brother up from his naps or in the morning.  He won't hardly eat!!  I don't know what to do.  My husband is at his whits end and it isn't likely I will get much cooperation from him as far as turning the TV off completely a few hours before bed.  What do I do...Do I take him to a doctor, does he have some kind of anxiety.  In three and half years he has HAD 4 bedrooms...please help.

[Cleveland Mom]

We should never underestimate the power praise and rewards as a way to shape and modify a child's behavior.  Kids need consequences both positve and negative to learn to behave appropriately.  Positive consequences and rewards for postive behavior and negative consequences for negative behavior.

[mommy2lyssa&caleb]

Wow, and I thought I was the only one to have gone thru this! My daughter is 3.5 as well, very smart, very strong willed, never naps (no matter how tired out you could get her) unless it's on her terms...our bed time routines were always 3 hours of battles or us resigning to watch tv and them )her brother won't be left out) fall asleep on the couch.  One thing I realized is that all the negative really doesn't work well for my kid.  Seeing as my daughter loves to stay up and watch tv with mom and dad, I have made her earn a movie night.

We bought her a "special" nightlight which  battery operated, so she can turn it on. We read our couple of short bedtime stories, they each pick one and one is a standard.  Then I allow them to listen to soft music or a story on cd, since the story isn't usually enough to send my kids to dreamland.  In the morning, if she falls asleep in her bed without fight, she puts a sticker on a chart made just for "movie night."  If she earns one everyday, we go to the library on Friday and she gets to pick a movie.  We then stay up, have snacks and enjoy the movie as a family.  It's less of a fight, once it's in place....I'm not saying the battle never comes back, but it's a positive alternative, and it's fun family bonding too.

Hope this helps!!  Good luck!!

[Cleveland Mom]

How is his behavior in general, does he appear to be unusually active, nervous/anxious or insecure?  If you believe he displays any of these concerns, please set an appointment with his pediatrician/family doctor to gain some perspective.

Otherwise, establish a bedtime routine i.e. a bath, story time, brushing teeth and off to bed.  He needs to physically stay in his bed, however he doesn't need to go to sleep right away.  Tell him that if he gets out of his bed he will receive a consequence of time out, 1minute in a boring place i.e. bathroom or utility room for every year old he is, 3 years old, 3 minutes. Be consistent with the time-out when he gets out of his bed.  Your consistency will pay off.

My newly 5 year old son, goes to bed and frequently, sits up in bed playing with stuffed animals for up to 20 minutes before going to sleep.  We have caught him a few times, out of bed looking out his window for airplanes in the sky as well.  This behavior by itself isn't unusual.   Best wishes...

[anxiousmomtobe?]

I agree with RR, your son may just not need that much sleep.  Give him quiet activities to do and let him follow his natural sleepiness.

[jdtm]

Your son reminds me of our granddaughter when she was that age.  She was not able to sleep, did not eat very much, did not want to be alone and would do everything in her power not to be alone.  She appeared hyperactive and in constant motion.  She also had major "potty" issues to the extent of severe constipation.  At six years of age, she was diagnosed with a severe anxiety disorder.  Once on medication, the symptoms gradually subsided, but it took about six years to become what I would call "normal".

[RockRose]

cgd - my son,  like yours,  doesn't need a lot of sleep.  My son is 18 now,  and he needs less sleep than anyone I've ever known,  except his great grandfather,  who needed only 4 hours of sleep a night.  

Spanking him for not needing sleep is probably not a good idea.   It actually seems cruel.  

What was that one small sentence "He won't hardly eat"?   It seems like if you have a child who doesn't need a lot of sleep and isn't eating,  maybe the eating part might be the thing to focus on?