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3yr. old afraid of car
Last year both my girls were in two separate car accidents. The first was in May and the other in August. The vehicle was totalled both times. Thankfully both my girls were ok. Aside from some bruising on the belly from the 2nd accident.
Naturally we were concerned about my 3 year old being afraid of getting in the car. We followed up with her pediatrician and she gave us some tactics to use to get her in the car again and make it a pleasant experience. We worked with her and were able to work through the issues within a month or so.
HOWEVER, recently she has begun to have an issue again and it seems to be even more extreme. It's not every time but there are days she absolutely refuses to get in the car. She freaks out, starts to panic and cry. When we are finally able to convince her to get in the car, we then have to adhere to her strict rules. We cannot drink in the car (can't even have drinks unopened in the car). She won't even let her sister or herself have one. We have to put the drinks in the trunk. And there are times she freaks out if her sister takes off her shoes in the car. I'v tried to talk to her about her fear. The most I've been able to get from her is that she is afraid of the car but she can't seem to express what specifically.
I do believe at time she is having nightmares about the accidents as well. So my questions are:
1> What do you think brought this back on?
2> Any tips to try and help her through this time?
3> Should we take her back to the pediatrician? Is it time for therapy?
Naturally we were concerned about my 3 year old being afraid of getting in the car. We followed up with her pediatrician and she gave us some tactics to use to get her in the car again and make it a pleasant experience. We worked with her and were able to work through the issues within a month or so.
HOWEVER, recently she has begun to have an issue again and it seems to be even more extreme. It's not every time but there are days she absolutely refuses to get in the car. She freaks out, starts to panic and cry. When we are finally able to convince her to get in the car, we then have to adhere to her strict rules. We cannot drink in the car (can't even have drinks unopened in the car). She won't even let her sister or herself have one. We have to put the drinks in the trunk. And there are times she freaks out if her sister takes off her shoes in the car. I'v tried to talk to her about her fear. The most I've been able to get from her is that she is afraid of the car but she can't seem to express what specifically.
I do believe at time she is having nightmares about the accidents as well. So my questions are:
1> What do you think brought this back on?
2> Any tips to try and help her through this time?
3> Should we take her back to the pediatrician? Is it time for therapy?
Best Answer
Good idea about the books annie. I will try those as well. I know she's been having some dreams. She told my DH one night that she needed to knock the dreams out of her head before she could go back to sleep. He asked her about them and she said she had a dream that a giant hand crushed mommy's car.
The more I think about things, the more I realize that perhaps this is a combo of things. One, yes, on some level it is for attention. Not solely for attention but more because she is struggling and right now our attention has shifted to our other daughter. I do plan to set aside one on one time for and with her. I also recently bought a new car because DH's broke and wonder if that has stirred up these feelings for her as well as the nice weather.
So far bribery has worked...lol...but it's getting harder and harder to bribe her. She is way too good a negotiator. We are able to reason with her on some items as well like when her sister takes of her shoes.
I have to assure her that on every car ride I will drive slow...not go over any bumps (we explain these as baby bumps and she is ok)...won't go up any hills (we explain these as baby and momma hills depending on the size and this seems to work) and won't go on roads that "go this way and that way". This is her new one.
I appreciate the advice and thoughts from you both and any other members that may have any ideas. It's always good to have a fresh perspective from someone who isn't stuck in the situation.
The more I think about things, the more I realize that perhaps this is a combo of things. One, yes, on some level it is for attention. Not solely for attention but more because she is struggling and right now our attention has shifted to our other daughter. I do plan to set aside one on one time for and with her. I also recently bought a new car because DH's broke and wonder if that has stirred up these feelings for her as well as the nice weather.
So far bribery has worked...lol...but it's getting harder and harder to bribe her. She is way too good a negotiator. We are able to reason with her on some items as well like when her sister takes of her shoes.
I have to assure her that on every car ride I will drive slow...not go over any bumps (we explain these as baby bumps and she is ok)...won't go up any hills (we explain these as baby and momma hills depending on the size and this seems to work) and won't go on roads that "go this way and that way". This is her new one.
I appreciate the advice and thoughts from you both and any other members that may have any ideas. It's always good to have a fresh perspective from someone who isn't stuck in the situation.
It also gets her plenty of attention, even at this young ,delightful age they know that a good yell gets everyone going ..Try ignoring some of it,the drinking part, if it doesn't get all the attention she may give up ...
I think I will try the games and see what happens. I haven't gotten tough on her about the drinks, etc. They go in the trunk. I'm not worried about having a drink myself but for my 18 month old if we are on a long ride, she won't let her have a drink either. We can't even stop at the store to bring one home...lol. Everything must go in the trunk at this point.
I'm trying to be loving and understanding I just wish she could express her feelings better. She had a total meltdown when DH had to put the new license plates on my car!
I'll hit the local stores and pick up some games, etc. and try those. I just wish I knew why it was coming up again. I don't know if it's because the weather is getting nicer? She doesn't go to day care so she doesn't hear about accidents, etc. from other kids.
I'm trying to be loving and understanding I just wish she could express her feelings better. She had a total meltdown when DH had to put the new license plates on my car!
I'll hit the local stores and pick up some games, etc. and try those. I just wish I knew why it was coming up again. I don't know if it's because the weather is getting nicer? She doesn't go to day care so she doesn't hear about accidents, etc. from other kids.
I'd try the games also. My son loves Travel Bingo, especially if we are all on the same card and looking for the same things. I don't think I would get tough on the shoes and drinks, there is no real reason you have to be swigging drinks while driving anyway. Try adding some new fun distractive elements to being in the car (new toys that live there permanently, etc.) rather than forcing her to sit through things she associates with the crashes, such as drinks and taking off the shoes. Distraction and support works better than 'tough love' in a circumstance this traumatic.
I am wondering if she has heard any talk about the accident from her piers,that may have brought it into her head again, it may also be good not to pander to her about the drinks , time to get tough, she is ruling you guys .if she yells it wont hurt anything but your ears ....If it is a big concern a trip to the Doctor for his input wont hurt..To help her through ,well as I said less talk about it, distraction helps , in cars I found some car games like eye spy with my little eye something begining with ...even little kids enjoy that one ...You are the boss, she wants to be ..good luck .
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jb, maybe something has reminded her of the accident, or maybe she is just processing it in the normal way ... when a trauma is really big, there is a survival period where you simply can't think about it, so it gets stuffed. Then there follows a getting-better period when you can think about it and sort of mentally put it to bed, and that second period is often harder, full of more conscious grief or other reaction, because you have gotten well enough to be able to process things and the processing is not so easy. (This happens when someone dies. At first, you're numb, and only later do you release enough to cry and be lonely, etc.) Maybe that's what's going on, and she might benefit from some books about trauma and healing written for her age group, and some talking about it sympathetically, etc.