4 year old crying

[lmnop999]

My 4 year old still cries significantly when dropped off at preschool.  He attended last year the same preschool but his older sister went to same school and he really didn't cry.  Not only does he have a hard time with drop of he cries throughout the day some days worse than others.  I've tried the kissing hand, sticker chart and reward with toys, nothing seems to work.  I know they are very concerned at preschool but I don't know what to do to help my son.

[Sandman2]

   Do you read to him before he falls asleep?   Checked into sleep apnea?
I am glad to hear about the log - I would think there would be a connection.
Have you tried a large stuffed toy for comfort?  a soft night light?  
   You also might want to look into buying books like "When I miss You"  (and others like it) found here.  http://www.amazon.com/When-Miss-You-Feel-Books/dp/0807589039/ref=pd_cp_b_1

[lmnop999]

He has never been a good sleeper he has probably slept through the night twice in the last 6 months.  He comes into our bed room then we just put him back to bed, he says he wants to come in our bed or he misses us.  The night time routine is very structured, my husband does sit at his door til he false asleep takes him about 10-15 minutes to fall asleep.  I have started a log that the teachers and I communicate/document his sleep and his crying.  

[Sandman2]

    Lots of good points by Specialmom.  I would also like to stress the importance of a good nights sleep!
   The lack of it could really make a child easily upset the next day.   Start charting the amount of times he gets up and his outbreaks at school and see if there is a connection.
    Has his getting up at night gotten worse lately or always been like that?  Why do you think he keeps getting up?  What is his normal bedtime routine and does he fall asleep right away?

[specialmom]

Is this the typical half day preschool, like 2.5 hours a day?  How many days a week does he go?  When my son was struggling in preschool, a suggestion was made to me that since preschool was not mandatory, was it worth how my son was feeling?  No.  And that perhaps if he went fewer days a week, it would be better.  He then went two mornings a week rather than 3 or 5 (my other options).  Having one friend in class is not bad and am not sure where the teachers are coming from unless it is much more one sided with your son glomming on to the other boy and he is not reciprocating and hence, not able to enjoy his 'own' social experience in preschool.  But often when kids have social skills issues, anxiety, etc. ---  one friend is all it takes to begin to feel more comfortable.  

The other thing that happens one year to the next is that what kids actually do and what is expected of them increases.  At 4, they are probably working on some hand writing and things like that.  For some kids, these increased expectations are hard.  Does your son, for example, have any fine motor problems?  Kids all develop at different rates and sometimes a less mature child will have more trouble in the classroom environment as more expectations are placed in them.  

And I would guess that the waking at night does impact his day.  I had some insomnia this week . . .  I am just not myself during the day after.  So, this might be something to talk to your pediatrician about.  I have a friend whose doctor recommended melatonin to help keep her son asleep (would definitely talk to your doctor before trying).  But I'm sure that does impact how he handles things during the day.  

But bottom line, this is a time where lots of things including self esteem, comfort level, etc. are forming.  And I worry about a child that is genuinely unhappy at a time in life where you still can control some of the parameters.  

I do think it is helpful to spend a day in the classroom observing.  It may be insightful.

peace

[lmnop999]

Thank you for your feed back!  My son went to this school last year and did cry a little bit on drop off but did not cry during the day.  The difference last year was his sister also went to the same school but now she is in kindergarten.  There is one little boy that my son likes to play with but the teacher is now concerned that he is only playing with this little boy and the teacher is encouraging him to play with other kids.  He does not cry a lot at home but he does get up every night, it can be up to 5 times a night. I put him right back to bed and he usually stays for a few hours depending on the night.  This is also a problem but I am more focused on preschool at the moment, although I know fatigue is not helping the matter.  Thoughts!

[Sandman2]

   I assume that this has been going on for more then two or three weeks.  If so, ya, it is cause for concern.
   What you are trying is nice, but at this age, children pretty much need immediate rewards.   Probably, the best thing for him would be a friend at preschool.   See what you and the teachers can do.   If there is another child that he seems to enjoy - set up a play date or two to enhance their relationship.   Also, if the preschoool would go out of their way to help him for a week or so, it might break the pattern.  But I would also assume they have tried this.
    Annie's idea can sometimes backfire, but I do think that visiting the school to get an idea of what is going on might be a good idea.  Has there been a change in teachers or anything like that?
   Does he also cry a lot at home or only at the school?

[AnnieBrooke]

When my son did that, he was genuinely anxious (would spend much of the day standing by the door where I had dropped him off, hoping I would walk in).  I finally decided  he just was not ready, and pulled him from that preschool.  Later in the year I signed him up for a different preschool, and went with him the first three days and sat in the back of the room.  He didn't need to be with me every minute, but he did check on me, and if I was looking approving but slightly bored, he would go on with what he was doing.  It only took 3 days, no more crying.