My Daughter is Traumatized Because She Wants to be Male.

[blessmychildren]

Please help me.  I have a darling little girl, age four, who is bothered daily by the fact that she is not a boy.  I kept hoping this issue would resolve itself, but it is clear to me that this something that really is a problem.  Especially now that we are shopping for school clothes.  More and more,  we fight about her clothing.  The other day we came home with nothing because she refused to buy anything in the girl's section.  Sometimes she tells me she will wear something that I suggest, only to come to me later and say that she hates it but just told me she liked it because she wanted to make me happy.  She asks me to call her Benton, told me she wants a boy's hair cut because it is "awesome", and recently confessed that she likes a girl at school. At four years old!  My heart broke for her. There are several other signs that she is headed in a direction that I do not want for her, only because I believe in the Lord and His Word.  Also,  I do not want her life to be difficult, as I have seen the pain that others have suffered because of being gay.  
Ultimately, I want her to be happy and whole, and feel I and others in my family will cause damage by not allowing her to dress the way she wants to. I don't want her to ever feel like something is "wrong" with her. My question is, how far do I let this go? Is this normal?  What can I do to ensure my child's emotional health?  And should I discuss this with her teacher at Head Start?I don't want her picked on at school-but she is my child and I want her to feel loved and accepted by me of all people.  Please help us.  Thank you.

[autiemommy]

If she grows up and still feels this way, please love her unconditionally & do not push her away for being different...no matter how far this goes. God loves everyone. In the bible it also says...children should never be defiant. We all know - EVERY child is defiant. She is your child no matter what. Many young adults commit suicide over parents 'not understanding'. Please be as supportive as you can be. You'd also be surprised how accepting this world is becoming. The older generation is more judgemental. Just make sure none of your family/friends make her feel bad. In the meantime, try bringing her to the spa. Get her nails and toes done. Show her how fun being a girl can be. If that doesn't work, start therapy - that way you two can bond and understand each other more. Good luck hon.

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

Children this age can certainly go through stretches like you are describing, and humoring them is often an effective way to deal with it. Now, there may be more to the situation with your daughter. First, try to avoid thinking about this in terms of her being homosexual. This likely has nothing to do with that. She may be displaying the early signs of a gender identity problem, and it would be prudent to arrange an evaluation with a mental health clinician to condsider this.