5 3/4 year old lacks focus

[Minto5]

My 5 year old son who will be 6 in November, has started his second year in school, but also had a year & a half of pre school. He seems to gravitate towards a child who is often in trouble for being naughty when the other children dont. He seems immature & would rather play with young toys, he likes to play with younger sisters of his friends rather than his friends when out of school. He often stares off into space, but can sometimes recall information when you think he hasnt been listening. He forgets things easily & taps his head in frustration as if his brain isnt working. He has poor focus in classes outside of school & appears to be on another planet. Even though he is a good reader, he constantly needs encouraged to re focus. He is a good speller but can need words repeated as he hasnt listened or forgotten what they are. When asked to do simply tasks like put on his uniform he is easily distracted so you can often return to find that he hasnt done them & re-asking constantly. He is pretty anxious about things & can have irrational fears - like bees/dogs. He is a loving child, but has recently been in trouble at school for being aggressive towards another child, squeezing his wrist. I am hoping this is a maturity thing, but would appreciate any advice on how to help him focus rather than picking up the nearest object rather than fidgeting with it & if there is a special way I should discipline him or what would be a good rewards/penalties system.

[Sandman2]

   If he is not 6 till Nov. He could be very young for his school group.  Depending of course on when you enrolled him.  Check with his teacher to see how his age relates to the other kids in the class.  That could be a big part of the problem.
   Also you said, "He has poor focus in classes outside of school."  Usually, its the other way around.  If he is focusing in school, you really have nothing to worry about - except that his outside classes are boring him and you might want to think about that.

[allmymarbles]

Sounds like a bit of a daydreamer. He will outgrow it - unfortunately.

[Minto5]

Thanks for the reply, he does a couple of balls skills classes, Mon, Thurs & Sat, Swimming Tues & Sat which gives us, only Wed to ourselves through the week. The focusing problem became more apparent to me during the swimming & the ball classes. One of the ball instructors suggested a figit/stress ball which I am on the case of, never heard of a rope one? He does concentrate better if he has been outside then for example sits down to practise his spellings, but even though he is a good reader, still wanders a lot & constantly needs to be brought back in focus or asks silly questions a lot. I've also heard that making sure there is protein in each meal & vitamins & omega 3 help, will give anything a try, just want to help my son. Re TV, he never watches it in the morning, the nights he has classes by the time we have tea & do his spelling & reading their just isn't time, the night we have to ourselves during the week we do other things together, then Friday is family night which involves a meal, activity or a movie. So he would only really be exposed to TV on a Saturday, he never switches the TV on himself, but does very occasionally ask for it on, however he loves the Ipad, but again does not have access to it through the week & most of the apps are educational, except angry birds! Which he has discovered in the last 3 weeks & loves. This is definitely something that can be used as a reward to promote better concentration. I have developed a new star chart where the stickers change each week & he can work towards goals, which seems to be helping & I am being consistent with it. Also have tried to reduce, treats like sweets to a minimum, though they never have featured too highly in his diet, sometimes they have a way of creeping in more than one would like, keeping a more watchful eye over food. Always open to advice, just want to help my son in everyway I can.

[baby2014]

I know your son is older than mine, but as Annie stated keep him away from electronics for a while. I noticed that since we've cut the cord to our tv our 22 month old son listens and concentrates better. Especially during sit down activity times. I've noticed boys are very active and learn better when they do have more action going on than sitting. Spend more time with him exercising and fun activities that keep the body moving. Special mom is completely right. Give it a shot and you may see a huge difference. Good luck.

[AnnieBrooke]

I'd keep him entirely away from screens -- television, DVDs or the computer -- and get him a lot of physical exercise, it is wonderful for brain development.  

[specialmom]

Hi there.  Well, it could just be a maturity thing for sure.  He sounds like all in all he is doing pretty well.  A couple of thoughts----  there is a mind body connection.  Some kids find focusing easier if they've had lots of physical activity.  I'd increase that when outside of school.  Running at the park, playing soccer, swimming, etc.  Get some of that in every single day--  as much as possible.  My own son focuses better when he's had much of this activity.  He plays sports and swims several times a week and when not doing that, I have him do the monkey bars, jump on the trampoline, ride his bike, etc.  

Second, some kids do better with a fidget. If his hands need to be moving, he actually may be using whatever he is fidgeting with to focus himself internally.  Give him a fidget that he can have at school.  A squeezy ball, a rope fidget, a balloon, filled with flour, etc.  If he has these things he may sit nice and still in his seat and disrupt anyone.  so, I'd actually accommodate that need and find appropriate ways for him to fidget.

I would not discipline him for what happens attention wise at school.  The thing is, he's probably doing the best he can to maintain himself.  Kids of his age don't really love sitting still in school.  Plus, discipline works best when it is immediate at that age.  After school is insult upon injury for a tough day.  So, talk to him about it with no punishment.  reward him with something like starts or beans in a jar and when he gets to so many, he gets to do an activity of his choosing with you.  

good luck