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5yr old - night terrors or nightmares?
Hi everyone,
My 5yr old son has suddenly started having nightmares/night terrors (I'm not sure which applies to him), and after 9 nights it's really starting to worry my wife and I. He wakes up approximately 30 times per night, just moaning and crying and bending over as if in pain. The first night I took him to the doctors as he said it was his stomach, but they found nothing. The second night he said it was his legs and feet - so we thought it was growing pains. The 4th/5th night he said there were monsters wanting to eat him, and since then he claims not to remember anything from the night before and said he slept well.
We make sure he has no stimuli before bed, we read him calm stories and give him his usual warm milk before bed. His eating habits are now suffering, he is less active and is sleepy for much of the day - which is normal considering he hardly sleeps at night. Other than that he plays well with his younger sister, but he's more sensitive to criticism than before. Overall his character seems to be changing.
Has anyone had any experience with this? Is there any advice anyone can offer? It's really affecting everyone's sleep patterns and patience!
Thanks to all for reading.
My 5yr old son has suddenly started having nightmares/night terrors (I'm not sure which applies to him), and after 9 nights it's really starting to worry my wife and I. He wakes up approximately 30 times per night, just moaning and crying and bending over as if in pain. The first night I took him to the doctors as he said it was his stomach, but they found nothing. The second night he said it was his legs and feet - so we thought it was growing pains. The 4th/5th night he said there were monsters wanting to eat him, and since then he claims not to remember anything from the night before and said he slept well.
We make sure he has no stimuli before bed, we read him calm stories and give him his usual warm milk before bed. His eating habits are now suffering, he is less active and is sleepy for much of the day - which is normal considering he hardly sleeps at night. Other than that he plays well with his younger sister, but he's more sensitive to criticism than before. Overall his character seems to be changing.
Has anyone had any experience with this? Is there any advice anyone can offer? It's really affecting everyone's sleep patterns and patience!
Thanks to all for reading.
Best Answer
COMMUNITY LEADER
Glad to hear this is working out for you. I can remember that my daughter would wake up early. We would leave out some thing for her to eat. Usually cereal and some milk in an easy to pour pitcher. She would turn on the tv, eat, and be quite happy. Trouble is I can't remember how old she was. Might have been 6, but could have been 5. Point being - maybe he doesn't have to go back to bed if he has had a good nights sleep? Thanks for the update.
Oh, thanks so much for the update! It all sounds like it is headed in the right direction. this is wonderful. I'm glad you and your wifef are getting some sleep and that a portion of the problem is better. Keep working on the rest and you will get there. good job and luck to you for continued success!
Hi all,
Well things have certainly improved since my first post in here. I'm delighted to report that my son is sleeping through the night with no night terrors or bedwetting at all!
We tried some of the suggestions mentioned here, but the one that seemed to clinch it was waking him up an hour or so after he fell asleep, offering some water or in our case, merely trying to calm him down and apologise for waking him up. Still, it's done the trick.
As for sleeping in his own bed, he's getting better. He now comes in to our room at about 7am, which is the same time I need to get up anyway. we're still working on this one, so this might take a little more time, but we'll get there.
We're finally sleeping however, so the parents are feeling much more themselves.
A big huge thank you to everyone on here, much appreciated and I hope I can be of assistance to others in the future.
Kind regards to all,
Richard
Well things have certainly improved since my first post in here. I'm delighted to report that my son is sleeping through the night with no night terrors or bedwetting at all!
We tried some of the suggestions mentioned here, but the one that seemed to clinch it was waking him up an hour or so after he fell asleep, offering some water or in our case, merely trying to calm him down and apologise for waking him up. Still, it's done the trick.
As for sleeping in his own bed, he's getting better. He now comes in to our room at about 7am, which is the same time I need to get up anyway. we're still working on this one, so this might take a little more time, but we'll get there.
We're finally sleeping however, so the parents are feeling much more themselves.
A big huge thank you to everyone on here, much appreciated and I hope I can be of assistance to others in the future.
Kind regards to all,
Richard
COMMUNITY LEADER
Definitely let us know how things go. It will help us help others. I really liked specialmoms idea of "nesting" If you try that I will be curious to see how it works. Best Wishes!
Oh, absolutely, I'd love to hear how things go and we can try to help as things crop up along the way. Parenting can be a rough gig sometimes but most rewarding in the end. Hang in there. Good luck with bed time tonight and please do let us know how it goes! Peace
Many thanks for your answer - I think both the wife and I knew deep down that this was the issue, but just didn't face it.
This ends tonight!! It will be rough, but we've had worse in the last few weeks, and obviously when they were both teenie tiny babies up all hours of the night.
I'd like to keep you all posted on how things go if that's ok with all of you? Not sure what the policies are on here.
Thanks again and we both very much appreciate the time you have all taken to read this post and reply.
This ends tonight!! It will be rough, but we've had worse in the last few weeks, and obviously when they were both teenie tiny babies up all hours of the night.
I'd like to keep you all posted on how things go if that's ok with all of you? Not sure what the policies are on here.
Thanks again and we both very much appreciate the time you have all taken to read this post and reply.
Hi there. Well, sandman has done a great job uncovering many important aspects here. I think his idea of white noise in the room is really key . . . we use a fan. We also made an effort to 'spice up' the room with our child's help . . . picking out a cool night light, cool sheet set wtih a pillow case he is excited about (Mario is the rage with my boy and he is excited to sleep on his Mario sheets), a stuffed animal or lovey as Sandman is really helpful too. Some experts talk about 'nesting' which basically means to build around the child things that make it like a nest--- pillows and blankets work well. My son's bed is along a wall and this makes it easier. Something is very comforting to kids about that.
Does his sister wake when he gets up? I ask this because not communicating with him and walking him straight back to bed is key. I again agree with Sandman that it may be something where you have to move his sister out for a brief period to do this. But I find when kids sleep in the same room, sometimes they are used to each other that they don't wake. ??? More info on that situation would be helpful.
Yes, this situation goes on as long as we let it. Sadly. I've actually been in your shoes in which I was so sleep deprived that it felt easier to just 'go with it' than to work on the problem. But that just prolongs the misery.:>) One thing my husband and I did to help was work in shifts. We alternated nights dealing with it so at least one of us could get a good nights sleep (well sort of, you have to ignore these things going on around you. I would go to the couch sometimes . . .) After a week or two, usually kids will readjust.
One other thing I did a LOT of was talk about how we need our sleep to have a good day. When things go bad, I say "oh, we didn't get our sleep. We have to have our sleep". So then at bed time, my kids really did start to internalize that sleeping was important.
I do hope that you can solve this dilemma as sleep deprivation is tough. peace and luck
Does his sister wake when he gets up? I ask this because not communicating with him and walking him straight back to bed is key. I again agree with Sandman that it may be something where you have to move his sister out for a brief period to do this. But I find when kids sleep in the same room, sometimes they are used to each other that they don't wake. ??? More info on that situation would be helpful.
Yes, this situation goes on as long as we let it. Sadly. I've actually been in your shoes in which I was so sleep deprived that it felt easier to just 'go with it' than to work on the problem. But that just prolongs the misery.:>) One thing my husband and I did to help was work in shifts. We alternated nights dealing with it so at least one of us could get a good nights sleep (well sort of, you have to ignore these things going on around you. I would go to the couch sometimes . . .) After a week or two, usually kids will readjust.
One other thing I did a LOT of was talk about how we need our sleep to have a good day. When things go bad, I say "oh, we didn't get our sleep. We have to have our sleep". So then at bed time, my kids really did start to internalize that sleeping was important.
I do hope that you can solve this dilemma as sleep deprivation is tough. peace and luck
Sandman has hit the proverbial nail on the head, your child wants to be with you, and you have enabled the sleeping arrangement ..now its okay in my opinion for parents to sleep with their children if they so choose, many do and have a family bed .But there is no doubt children kick, and toss and turn all night, so if you want a restful nights sleep , be consistent and do not let him venture into your room until at least 6am unless you are early risers.He wont like it but if you are firm and take him back each time he appears he will get the idea its not going to work .Its also possible reading your post that he is feeling a little left out maybe from when new Baby came along ,so focus on his positive side and praise him when you see him doing something right.You will have a rough few nights, dont give in or you are back to square one ...good luck
COMMUNITY LEADER
Yes, I think you have found out part of the problem.
The little guy has discovered (just through trial and error), a really comfortable place to be (your bed with you).. Can't blame him. The problem is - ya, he will be there forever unless you break that habit now. Actually, there are several problems to solve here. I am going to post some of other other top posters to get their opinion too as I know they have dealt with this before. But it is the 4th here so they may not get back to you immediately.
The normal response is - as soon as the child enters the room you pick him up and return him to his room. If he starts yelling, you let him yell. But the problem is that he is sharing a room with his sister and that will wake her. This is where I hope some of our other posters will jump in!
I think I would try (if you don't already have one) getting a big stuffed teddy bear that he can hug. And then put him back in his room and cuddle him up to the bear.
It may be for awhile that you will need to put or take his sister into a quieter part of the house, until he gets over this. And I am pretty sure he will. I do hear you about being sleep deprived. And, I think that you may have to put up with a few nights of it till he get him retrained. Do the same things you would do with a sick child. Take turns getting up.
I am also wondering if getting something that makes "white noise" like rain falling, streams running, etc might also help him stay asleep (once he is used to it) Still can't figure out how he goes to sleep so quickly, but wakes up after two hours? Does he have to go to the bathroom when he comes in? Maybe making sure he has gone (really gone) before going to bed - and watching how much he drinks just before going to bed will help. (the milk shouldn't be a problem and its helpful for sleeping. Oh, make sure there is no caffeine in the chocolate!
I hope some of these ideas help! Thanks to your responses, I do believe you have identified most of the problem - which makes the answers easier to find. Hopefully, some of the other posters will now add their own expert opinion. Best wishes.
The little guy has discovered (just through trial and error), a really comfortable place to be (your bed with you).. Can't blame him. The problem is - ya, he will be there forever unless you break that habit now. Actually, there are several problems to solve here. I am going to post some of other other top posters to get their opinion too as I know they have dealt with this before. But it is the 4th here so they may not get back to you immediately.
The normal response is - as soon as the child enters the room you pick him up and return him to his room. If he starts yelling, you let him yell. But the problem is that he is sharing a room with his sister and that will wake her. This is where I hope some of our other posters will jump in!
I think I would try (if you don't already have one) getting a big stuffed teddy bear that he can hug. And then put him back in his room and cuddle him up to the bear.
It may be for awhile that you will need to put or take his sister into a quieter part of the house, until he gets over this. And I am pretty sure he will. I do hear you about being sleep deprived. And, I think that you may have to put up with a few nights of it till he get him retrained. Do the same things you would do with a sick child. Take turns getting up.
I am also wondering if getting something that makes "white noise" like rain falling, streams running, etc might also help him stay asleep (once he is used to it) Still can't figure out how he goes to sleep so quickly, but wakes up after two hours? Does he have to go to the bathroom when he comes in? Maybe making sure he has gone (really gone) before going to bed - and watching how much he drinks just before going to bed will help. (the milk shouldn't be a problem and its helpful for sleeping. Oh, make sure there is no caffeine in the chocolate!
I hope some of these ideas help! Thanks to your responses, I do believe you have identified most of the problem - which makes the answers easier to find. Hopefully, some of the other posters will now add their own expert opinion. Best wishes.
Hi there and thanks again for your reply.
He sleeps in the same room as his sister (she is in a cot-type bed) and he is on a standard bed. Our room is directly opposite theirs across the corridor.
About the waking up after approx 2 hours - there's really no reason for him to wake up. However, I think you may have touched upon an important point. Due to family and friends having visited recently, he has been sleeping in our bed for a good few weeks now.
Before these whole episodes began, we would put him to bed in his room and he would come in about 4/5 am every morning. He's been doing this since we moved into our new house about 2 years ago - a long time I know! Sometimes we took him back to his room, sometimes we were so tired, we just let him sleep (so we could all sleep!). Maybe he has got used to this routine and this is what's upsetting him. Sure enough, these last few nights he has spent most of the night in our bed.
So to answer your second question, he just falls back asleep in our bed.
We both work and we're so exhausted after almost 2 weeks of this, that we all need our sleep. I realise this is probably a contributing or even main factor of the episodes, but there's only so much sleep deprivation a person can take (I'm sure all the parents amongst us would agree!).
Thanks
He sleeps in the same room as his sister (she is in a cot-type bed) and he is on a standard bed. Our room is directly opposite theirs across the corridor.
About the waking up after approx 2 hours - there's really no reason for him to wake up. However, I think you may have touched upon an important point. Due to family and friends having visited recently, he has been sleeping in our bed for a good few weeks now.
Before these whole episodes began, we would put him to bed in his room and he would come in about 4/5 am every morning. He's been doing this since we moved into our new house about 2 years ago - a long time I know! Sometimes we took him back to his room, sometimes we were so tired, we just let him sleep (so we could all sleep!). Maybe he has got used to this routine and this is what's upsetting him. Sure enough, these last few nights he has spent most of the night in our bed.
So to answer your second question, he just falls back asleep in our bed.
We both work and we're so exhausted after almost 2 weeks of this, that we all need our sleep. I realise this is probably a contributing or even main factor of the episodes, but there's only so much sleep deprivation a person can take (I'm sure all the parents amongst us would agree!).
Thanks
COMMUNITY LEADER
No, thank you for your nice long reply - it really helps.
The only question you did not answer was about the separate rooms for the kids. The only reason I am curious is I don't quite understand when he goes to sleep so easily, why he wakes up two hours later? His response after that is pretty typical. And why two hours later - does something happen that wakes him - a noise, doors opening or closing, toilets flushing, etc?
Oh, the other thing which is very important - you said, "Until we stop asking him these questions, he just shrugs and grunts then slowly falls back asleep." Where does he fall back asleep? Does all of this happen on your bed? Or do you immediately return him to his bed and tickle his back or ask him questions.? If all of this happens on your bed and he then spends most of the night on your bed waking up and then going back to sleep - thats definitely part of the problem.
The only question you did not answer was about the separate rooms for the kids. The only reason I am curious is I don't quite understand when he goes to sleep so easily, why he wakes up two hours later? His response after that is pretty typical. And why two hours later - does something happen that wakes him - a noise, doors opening or closing, toilets flushing, etc?
Oh, the other thing which is very important - you said, "Until we stop asking him these questions, he just shrugs and grunts then slowly falls back asleep." Where does he fall back asleep? Does all of this happen on your bed? Or do you immediately return him to his bed and tickle his back or ask him questions.? If all of this happens on your bed and he then spends most of the night on your bed waking up and then going back to sleep - thats definitely part of the problem.
Hi there, thanks very much for your reply.
I will try to be as specific as possible.
His younger sister is 1 year and 9 months old.
We know he wakes up because he walks into our room while still crying, then climbs up onto the bed and lies face first wherever he can, still crying, though more than crying it's like a constant moan as if he's in pain. He will look at me and his Mum which seems to bother him more as he then raises the volume of the moan. When we talk to him to try and calm him down he first just raises the moan volume and writhes about. When asking him what's wrong he will actually shout "nothing". After a few minutes he then goes back to sleep.
As to what we do - we first ask him very gently what's wrong, and he will say the above ("nothing"). If we ask him if something hurts with a leading question, such as "does your tummy hurt", he will again say in a moaning voice "no". Asked if he's had a bad dream, the answer will again be the same moaning "no". Until we stop asking him these questions, he just shrugs and grunts then slowly falls back asleep.
The one thing we have noticed more than anything is that he keeps asking either my wife or I to "tickle his back". He hasn't asked for this in over a year and we did it to him as a baby. Once we start, he's asleep in seconds. I wonder what this could signify (if anything?).
In terms of what we have done in the last few days - the routine largely stays the same. He goes to summer camp (school just finished last week - which he was sad about because a favourite teacher of his left and many of his schoolfriends). This was actually the source of some crying a few days ago, I'm sure this may also be an influencing factor.
So back to his routine - he leaves for camp at 9.30 (along with his younger sister), leaves at 3.30, I come home at 5.30, and during these summer months we usually go to the communal swimming pool where he pays with the friends in the community (not his school friends), he swims and we have a little snack. Then we come back in for dinner at around 8pm (everything is much later here in Spain). He eats the usual things - chicken, pasta, soup & beef are his favourite. He dislikes most vegetables (apart from carrots and sweetcorn). He then has a yoghurt, then I take him for a bath with his sister, then a chocolate milk with some cartoons (he's allowed 20 mins approx).
Then it's into his bed with a couple of stories (he said he doesn't want one's with monsters anymore), any by the time I'm halfway through the first one, he's fast asleep. About 2 hours later the chaos starts all over again.
Thank you for your time in reading this, I know it's quite a hefty post. I sincerely appreciate the time taken.
regards,
I will try to be as specific as possible.
His younger sister is 1 year and 9 months old.
We know he wakes up because he walks into our room while still crying, then climbs up onto the bed and lies face first wherever he can, still crying, though more than crying it's like a constant moan as if he's in pain. He will look at me and his Mum which seems to bother him more as he then raises the volume of the moan. When we talk to him to try and calm him down he first just raises the moan volume and writhes about. When asking him what's wrong he will actually shout "nothing". After a few minutes he then goes back to sleep.
As to what we do - we first ask him very gently what's wrong, and he will say the above ("nothing"). If we ask him if something hurts with a leading question, such as "does your tummy hurt", he will again say in a moaning voice "no". Asked if he's had a bad dream, the answer will again be the same moaning "no". Until we stop asking him these questions, he just shrugs and grunts then slowly falls back asleep.
The one thing we have noticed more than anything is that he keeps asking either my wife or I to "tickle his back". He hasn't asked for this in over a year and we did it to him as a baby. Once we start, he's asleep in seconds. I wonder what this could signify (if anything?).
In terms of what we have done in the last few days - the routine largely stays the same. He goes to summer camp (school just finished last week - which he was sad about because a favourite teacher of his left and many of his schoolfriends). This was actually the source of some crying a few days ago, I'm sure this may also be an influencing factor.
So back to his routine - he leaves for camp at 9.30 (along with his younger sister), leaves at 3.30, I come home at 5.30, and during these summer months we usually go to the communal swimming pool where he pays with the friends in the community (not his school friends), he swims and we have a little snack. Then we come back in for dinner at around 8pm (everything is much later here in Spain). He eats the usual things - chicken, pasta, soup & beef are his favourite. He dislikes most vegetables (apart from carrots and sweetcorn). He then has a yoghurt, then I take him for a bath with his sister, then a chocolate milk with some cartoons (he's allowed 20 mins approx).
Then it's into his bed with a couple of stories (he said he doesn't want one's with monsters anymore), any by the time I'm halfway through the first one, he's fast asleep. About 2 hours later the chaos starts all over again.
Thank you for your time in reading this, I know it's quite a hefty post. I sincerely appreciate the time taken.
regards,
COMMUNITY LEADER
Well, I can certainly understand how his character would seem to be changing given his lack of sleep. I would imagine that might also apply to the whole family.
A few questions to help us help you.
How old is his younger sister and do they have separate rooms?
When he wakes up - how do you know? Does he come into your room? What does he do?
This really leads to the most important question - What do you do when he lets you know that he is awake? Be specific.
I've got a feeling about what may be going on, but I need to know the above answers and then I think we can give you some help.
Oh, and answer these questions in relationship to what you/he have done just the last couple of days.
A few questions to help us help you.
How old is his younger sister and do they have separate rooms?
When he wakes up - how do you know? Does he come into your room? What does he do?
This really leads to the most important question - What do you do when he lets you know that he is awake? Be specific.
I've got a feeling about what may be going on, but I need to know the above answers and then I think we can give you some help.
Oh, and answer these questions in relationship to what you/he have done just the last couple of days.
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