Aa
Aa
A
A
A
Close
Avatar universal

6yr old 'daddy princess' help.

I have been in the relationship about 8 weeks and he is a wonderful, good, caring man.  It seems we can communicate well about everything except his daughter who is 6. His marriage ended just over a year ago. Mom & Dad do NOT discuss things well,there is a ton of animosity between them. He has his daughter Monday-Wednesday & every other Friday to Wednesday. About 20 of the 30 days a month. I have two children a son 7& daughter 13.I have 24/7-365,no visitation w/dad. Things are great for all of us when his daughter is at moms house but when she comes to dads things are different for the kids and I. She is the princess of their castle and that is how she acts. She has no chores, no rules, and is rewarded daily for just exsisting. A dad quote "She is an only child who thinks the world and every one on it is to entertain her".
She cries over everything that does not go her way. This crying happens constantly 4 to 8 x dialy. She cries becasue she has to pick up her mess she made and no one will help her, she cries becuase she wants to watch cartoons and the other kids don't, she cries when the other kids wont play with her. She blames the other kids for things she starts, which is partly why they wont play with her- the other part they have to play what she wants or they are affraid she will cry. She tattles constantly about what the other kids are doing becuase it is not what she wants them to be doing. Then All the kids tattle on each other. I become angry and snap at my kids becuase I can not take it.We don't spend nearly as much time together when he has her. It is difficult for me to deal with a 6yr old who acts like she is 2yr. She baby talks and whines and dad tolerates it all and says " you have to pick your battles". I ask her to use her "big girl voice" when she speaks to me. She has more authority then she should for 6. Dads world revolves around her.
When trying to discuss with dad how this causes problems, we don't get far. He says she is just tired, she is 6 and being a kid, that is what kids do, or it is like this the first day back after moms (no,it's everyday) or brings my sons(7)behavior into the mix. He gets defensive and I can understand why...to a point.  I stuggled through some of this behavior with my son about 3years ago at 4 yrs old. I cant let my son revert back, he has come to far. He does try to pull the same stuff and I wont let him get away with it. He is punished, time out or loss of privilages. The 6 yr old thinks she is special because she can do what ever she wants and if she does something wrong she just has to say "sorry". We hear sorry about as much as we hear her cry.
My children ask if he has his daughter before they will make a decision to visit or stay over. I have to say, I question that myself. He did purchase a couple of books "Step by Step Parenting for blended families" about 2 weeks ago.  It has been thumbed through.  Is this as big of a problem as I make it out to be? What can I do?
6 Responses
Sort by: Helpful Oldest Newest
242606 tn?1243782648
MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL
Yes, it is a big problem, both in relation to how this little girl is developing and to the relationship between you and her father. You are not likely to work this out simply by talking about it with your friend. The two of you might benefit from scheduling 3-6 sessions with a counselor for the express purpose of making some headway in this conflict.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
If you've only been with this man for 8 weeks, my advice to you is RUN! These things do not tend to get better because he's probably feeling guilty about the divorce and will always be seeking to 'make it up to her'. I feel for you, but my sense is if you incorporate this situation into your own family, everyone will lose. Just my opinion. Good luck.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Take it from someone who's learned the hard way, break it off.  He'll end up being a "project" rather than a partner; your own kids don't deserve this big negative influence on their environment; you won't be able to "fix" how he's dealing with his daughter and ex, which will become a source of constant pain and eventually resentment...then big-time regret.  She's right: RUN!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Run as fast as you can before you get even more emotionally attached. This man needs to address his daughter's emotional needs before he can be a good father, ex-husband, or boyfriend to you. You act like being a 6 year old is halfway to adulthood. This little girl has been thru a very painful emotional loss and needs attention and love to help her thru it. I also have to question the wisdom of one big happy family after only 8 weeks of dating. If you want to stay in this relationship, back off a lot, and insist that he deal with his problems with his daughter on his own before slowly starting to reintroduce you and your children into her life. This is about her not you.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Thank you for the advice. It helps to know how others see it. I would like to comment that I don't act like being a 6 year old is halfway to adult hood but having two kids and being divorced. I do know that kids need boundaries in order to "grow" develop, and have a good self-esteem. Letting a 6 year old always have their way, control of the house, as well as what you do and when, is not healthy. Both mom & dad think the other is doing the parenting. In reality neither of them is they both are spending their time trying to make it up to her.  
I realize she cries because things are too much for her. Part of the time she cries is to get what she wants (cuz it works), the other part is because she is overwhelmed and does not think she can do what is being asked of her. She is only 6 and has no idea how to express her feelings but to cry. Dad calls it "theatrical" I call it a real problem.
I was running, then Dad asked why- I told him to stop and think about what the divorce did to him, his life and how hard it was for him to "deal" and get through it. Then told him to put his daughter in his shoes during it all and asked how did she deal with it? She went through it ALL just as you did. Dad has set up a session with a professional.

"Project" it may very well be.  Our little ones today are the future of tomorrow.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I agree with astros18 about why after only 8 weeks in this relationship you would want to push ANY of the kids in this. It sounds like this 6 year old needs some discipline, but I also think that at this point in the relationship, it's not really wise to start openly arguing over how each of you raise your kids. It's not fair to anyone in this situation. I also agree that you should break it off while it's still in this stage. And if he's really into you, he'll work things out with his daughter and set some boundries. It just sounds to me like it's too soon to push these relationships on any of the children.
Helpful - 0

You are reading content posted in the Child Behavior Forum

Popular Resources
Fearing autism, many parents aren't vaccinating their kids. Can doctors reverse this dangerous trend?
Is a gluten-free diet right for you?
We answer your top questions about the flu vaccine.
Learn which over-the-counter medicines are safe for you and your baby
Yummy eats that will keep your child healthy and happy
Healing home remedies for common ailments