7yr old behaviour

[debs505]

I have 2 boys aged 7yrs and 4yrs.  My 7 yr old son is displaying concerning behaviour.  He either plays very cooperatively with his younger brother or is very physical with him.  He is extremely short tempered with him and will punch, kick or push him.  I have tried all kinds of consequeces with him.  We are a household that does nt smack our children and i am worried as nothing seems to make a difference to the behaviour.  I have taken toys away, used time out, stopped plays with friends, taken pocket money away and reward charts.  At school, my son can easily complete the work but chooses to socialise with everyone and not complete the written tasks set out for him.  He chooses to also interact with the older chidlren at school rather than his own age. Friends often comment that my son is way older than their children in the some of the things he does.  Any suggestions would be fantastic.

[debs505]

I certainly have made a bog effort to have quality time with each of the boys separately.  I give my 7 year old alot of positive praise as i have worked with children for many years and this is a very strong focus. Yes my son is involved in soccer and also taekwondo.  I regularly set up play dates for him.  I have tried removing thinkgs he likes- ie tv, toys and they make no difference at all.  I have found setting up some jars for everyone in the house has helped a little.  I have put $10 pocket money in each jar in various coins.  Each time inappropriate behaviour occurs, that person need to put a coin into the jar of the person that they have been rude, hit or not been nive to.  At the end of the fortnight, the jars are taken down and the boys get to spend what is left.   My eldest didnt have much money in the jar last fri.  See how that goes

[margypops]

Sounds like a case of jealousy ... its very hard on a child who is used to being an only child and getting all their parents attention to be suddenly usurped and the rivalry can continue into adulthood . The 7 year old probably feels left out and I am sure you haven't meant to ,it just happens, younger ones do get more positive attention. Older children are asked to do more and that can also cause some resentment. The answer lies really in making sure that the 7 year old is getting positive feedback and praise, at this age Dad could be taking a big role with sports and games. Is your boy  involved with sport activities at school and afterwards ? I think you have to make sure there is supervision to keep a check on what amounts to so some bullying, and have the method of removing privileges he likes like TV Videos , PC ..He sounds like a bright clever boy focus on his positive side and praise him when you see him doing something good .