Hi,
I have been married to my wife for 4 years and have known her family for about 5 years. She has a niece who is 9 years old now and we visit the family quite often (about once a month). When we visit, I dedicate my time spent to the kids and love to do things with them, take them places, and teach them things that they don't get to experience.
A little backstory on the family of my niece: They lived in one state for the first 5 years of her life but moved to another about 4 years ago. Her father left and she never knew, but her mother remarried and divorced while she was young. I believe she and the second husband had a good relationship. her mother recently remarried for the third time. She is the second youngest of 4 to a new baby brother by the third husband. The mother is always working, they are not terribly well off but they make do, and I am going to declare that she and her husband do not pay much attention to any of the children except the youngest who is just over 1 year old.
When we come over, the kids are begging for attention and they know that my wife and I are the ones who will give it to them. my niece particularly adores my wife (my wife used to live with her mother and took care of her when she was younger). We have a great time, we always do. However, my issue comes in with some unusual behavior from my 9 year old niece.
She loves playing with me. We do art, sports, baking, and I even will play along with her Barbie stuff if I'm feeling fancy some days. I may have even spoiled her in that I have a hard time saying no to doing things with her. She always comes to me knowing that I am always willing and excited to do whatever it is she wants. When we are together, she is my little buddy and couldn't be a better kid. The issues come when we are around other people. When we are with the entire family (and particularly with my mother whom she ADORES), she begins treating me very poorly. She will boss me around, sometimes say mean things having little regard to how it may make me feel, and sometimes she will even throw stuff on me (like if she were reading a book and wanted to go do something else, she might toss the book on me instead of putting it on the coffee table). I don't understand why she is like this.
My wife and I think that she has never had a steady male role model in her life... everyone she ever knew ended up leaving or not being attentive towards her. Maybe she feels vulnerable? I sat down and talked to her today about her attitude and something that she had done that was very disrespectful towards me and she kind of went threw the motions and said "im sorry" and everything, but the way that she said it was as if she has never had a serious conversation with anyone in her life, and she didn't know how serious I was being and wanted to move quickly on to something not related to the topic.
I am concerned about her. She is a very sweet girl and I really want to be someone that she can look up to. I THINK she does, but then sometimes she just treats me like crap. So I don't know what to think anymore.
I will leave it at that for now. Sorry for the long read but thank you very much in advance.