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9 yr old daughter is seeing scary images at night

My daughter is seeing images that move and has a hard time sleeping in her own bedroom. She sees the images in my room as well but she snuggles up to me and seems comforted. Even though we have good security, she has a fear that someone is in the house.  Some of this fear may be cause by watching scary movies here as well as other peoples homes. I am a single mother who has undergone 3 low back surgeries for degenerative disc disease so it hasn't been easy.  The divorce wasn't easy either; my ex was very abusive to me before and after the seperation. It has taken it's toll on both her and myself.  

We have had a very strained relationship because she disallows me to set up basic rules and ignores boundaries set up by me as well as other people.  Her inability to recognize boundaries has affected her school and social life.  She is a good student; gets A's and B's easily but I do get occasional complaints from the teacher that she is disrupting the class by talking or laughing during classtime.

I've read about bi-polar in children.  She does have some of the symptoms but no nearly all.  If I try to enforce a rule, she will sometimes become extremely angry, slam doors, kick walls, and have a tantrum.  She regrets it quickly and almost feels over remorseful for it.  I know it hasn't been easy living with a mother who has been so ill and having a father who is consistant but insensitive to her feelings and needs.  He feels that discipline and parenting are my job because thats what child support is for.  He will not help me with her issues.  All he says is "She doesn't act like that here."  I know she does to some degree.  She has the same fears of seeing shadows and images at night at his home as well.

I feel we could have such a wonderful relationship but she has crossed my boundaries as if they weren't there and taken her anger out on me for so long that I resent her and I'm angry at her. My energy level is drained when she's around me.  Why is she testing me all the time?  I don't understand it at all.  I've told her how much she means to me but I honestly feel like it's going to kill me.  Degenerative disc is no joke.  We have no family support system but I do my best.  It isn't Ozzy and Harriet and I don't have a partner in life either.  She seems to try to push away the few people I've dated in the last 5 ys by demanding the bedroom door stay open.  She has the sweetest and most loving heart but if it's like this at 9 yrs old; what do I have to look forward to in 3 yrs?
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Avatar universal
If you truely and honestly love your daughter, tell her how she hurts you when she does those things and if you feel like crying..Cry..even in front of her. She will have compassion and see that you are hurting inside just as much as she is. You both will become closer bonded and more like best friends coping through the same thing. I went through it with my daughter. I finally broke down in tears and crying... I could not stop. She seen that I was hurting too and she knew then that she was not the only one feeling the way she does.If you don't get to her heart and her feelings now.. she may start cutting herself and blocking you out by the time she is 11. My daughter did all of those things because she was hurting inside and did not know how to cope,but wanted me to know somehow. Around 11 yrs old..she will start to be more independent and want a friend along with a mom. :) God Bless you both!
Helpful - 0
1393879 tn?1288725449
Well she reminds me of my cousin , have you asked her to explain
these images to you , or have you taken her to a therapist
Children's imaginations are very vivid and complex
Maybe they could get her to talk about her anger and help her
release her problems and things.
One thing you can't do is give her 110% of your anger and energy
epically now that she knows she can basically do what ever
and she knows your disability and you can't do to much about it.
At 9years old , your the parent and she is the child
Toys Games TV , kids love that stuff , discipline
is easy. Dont allow it , she wants to get a toy or clothes
has she been good ? No dont buy it
eventually she will learn mommy wont tolerate bad behavior or anything.
Her dad isn't that big of a help , I can see which makes it worse
because she wont get the same discipline back and forth.
In 3 years she'll be 12 and wanting to do what every 12 year old does
The attitude will get worse and so will your job as a mom
but as a parent you have to do what you have to do to protect
your children and yourself. Do what you need to do.
My mother had a big brown leather belt when i was younger.
After my 3rd spanking i had the fear of god in my eyes from it
i dont know your out look on hitting your kids
but it works.
But theres a fine line between discipline and spanking
so dont get carried away
Helpful - 0
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