ADHD - over medicated kid living with substance abusing mom

[worried stepmom]

My 13 yr old stepson lives with his mother.  The mother is an abusive, foul-mouthed, hot-tempered, sometimes physically agressive, always impulsive alcoholic and prescription drug abuser.  We worry that my stepson is being over medicated for ADHD (6 pills a day) in order for the mother to avoid him disrupting her lifestyle.  She pumps 5 stimulants into him daily and then a tranquiler at night (when she puts him to bed at 8 pm).  Her older daughter was diagnosed at 7 with ADHD.  She's now 22 and has finally been reevaluated while being involuntarily committed to a psych. hospital.  The new diagnosis - borderline personality disorder and no ADHD.  This comes after 22 years of living in the abusive home she lives in.  My stepson was diagnosed at 5 years as also being ADHD.  We're very concerned that this diagnosis too was wrong, and was simply an easy "fix" given his older sister's ADHD diagnosis.  We worry that the meds are simply the mother's way of keeping the boy under control so that she can maintain her lifestyle.  We're preparing to go for custody of him soon and expect a real battle.  Does anybody have any experience with having a child of this age reevaluated after being medicated so much for so many years?  Is there hope for starting all over with a clean slate?  We suspect (but are not totally convinced) that mom's reports to the pdoc are exagerated and we're concerned about both his longterm physical and mental health with all these meds.  Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.  

[momuv1]

I really feel for you!  PLEASE, PLEASE, go online and read about the feingold diet.  It is realted to ADHD, and with a FEW SMALL changes in your stepson's diet, he may not need those pills anymore!  I realize with being the parents of alternate residence, you only have a certain amount of sontrol over how he lives and NO control over what his mother does with him.  It sounds like he is really in for a hard life, though, living this way.   If you can, try to show the judge that the mother is unfit.  I have been to court enough times to know that just you "disagreeing" with the way a parent raises their child is NOT enough.  You have to have solid proof (make sure you have documentation of EVERYTHING!) that he would be better off with you. EVEN SO, isn't he old enough now to have a say in where he lives?  Look that up, too.  There is an age at which a child can choose his home.  Best of luck to you!  If you need any advice, let me know.  :)

[luv4child06]

Dear worried stepmom,  I would do everything in my power to get a second opinion.  My little brother was diagnosed with ADHD at three years old and he only had to take two maybe three pills a day for it.  He is now 19 and very well adjusted.  It sounds a little fishy that your step son is taking that many pills and even a tranquilizer.  I hope they get to the source of the problem soon.

[anxiousmomtobe?]

I think docs are very quick to prescribe meds.  I know a lady who had a son who was out of control and based on her word alone that child was prescribed ritalin.

On the other hand, I have close friends whose son was diagnosed with add and multiple learning disabilities.  They did blind drug testing that the parents, the child and the teachers all participated in.  Their concern was to use as little medicine as possible.  He was not medicated at night or on the weekends.  Every 18 months they went through the whole procedure again.  He is now 19 and on full athletic scholarship at a small university.  Not bab for a kid teachers said would never be able to read, let alone graduate high school.

So while I am concerned about meds, I do realize that there is a place for them.  I have read a lot about the effects of articifial colours, flavours and preservatives on kids with add.  Perhaps there are natural means you can try to help this poor boy.

I won't wish you luck, instead I am sending a prayer on yoru behalf that this dear child gets the help he so desperately needs.

[worried stepmom]

Thanks Anxious......while I want to blame somebody for the mess we have, I'm not sure how much blame we can realistically put on the docs.  With behavioral disorders, docs have no choice but to rely on feedback from parents, teachers and other caregivers.  When Mom's reports to the docs are colored by her own substance abuse and/or mental health issues without the docs realizing it, and you end up with the mess we have right now.  In my opinion, "mom" feels that the $400 per month in prescriptions are a cheaper babysitter than she can hire elsewhere....especially since dad's insurance picks up the tab.  I sure hope that situations like ours are rare.  I spoke with a child psychiatrist in the area today, and was frank with her in that we want to determine, after re-evaluation, if the meds can be eliminated or reduced in a stable home environment, with some behavioral 'reprograming' in our home.  At his mother's, my step son gets nothing but a handful of pills.  Nobody works with him or tries to teach him different ways to handle things.  With any luck at all, his dad and I can learn from some caring pros how to deal with him and how to provide the best course of treatment.  It's going to be a tough road to travel, I'm sure.  But getting this child in a safe, stable, structured environment is what's most important for HIM.  We'll figure it out and we'll manage. Wish us luck !!  

[anxiousmomtobe?]

I feel for this boy.   Those meds are serious narcotics and I feel that a lot of docs give them too quickly.  They can lead to growth loss, a feeling of apathym depression.  

I hope you are able to win custody.  But be warned, this boys has huge problems based on his home environment alone, let alone all the meds he's being forced to take.

He definitely needs to be reevaluated.