Agressive 4 year old - Time Outs

Question

I read a response to another parent that was having agression problems with her 4 year old. Our son does the same where he will yell at and hit both of us if he does not get his way or things do not go his way. He will say we are "stupid" or tell us to "shut-up" repeatibly until he gets a response from us. We have read to ignore these words but he will not let up until we explanin to him that they are not nice. (I use explain looslely as i understand that he is only 4...). Then he will keep up his unacceptable behaviour. Then he will get a time out. Sometimes, we jump right to the time out stage but this is where we are having the problem. He will not stay in the timeout. We havn't picked up a timer that he can see counting down yet (great idea btw) but this may help? We will put him in a corner although I have recently read that a big person chair in a set location may work better? Anyways, my big question is what to do if he just will not stay in his spot? Sometimes he will pick his own place for a timeout like an alternate corner and I know this isn't a good thing because this makes him feel like he is in more control? Sudgestions?

This discussion is related to 4 yr. old has severe anger.

margypops · Answer

Is your son copying any one 4 year olds dont often hit their parents unless they are hit a and it is learned behavior, also the words stupid and telling you to shut up, is there a family member says this to him? Instead of focusing on the punishment aspect how about you focus on why he is behaving like this ,he sounds unhappy what can he be unhappy about?Focus on his positive side and praise him when you see him doing something right. Is he at school and how does he bahve there?

HarveyReid · Answer

He is in daycare right now so imitation of another child may be one issue. He started saying thoses words and hitting when he got angy all of a sudden and no, we dont use those words or hit him. That's the reason he uses the words - because he knows they bother us. He is the same at school or at home for behaviour.

We praise him when he does good and he does react well to this but still reverts back to the anger.