973741 tn?1342342773

At what age should a parent STOP trying to solve their child's problems?

We've all heard of helicopter parents, right?  There's also lawnmower parents I have recently read about. This is when you don't just hover but actually step in to save your child whenever possible. The rescue mission of getting that book they forgot at home to them at school, solving problems they have with other kids at school for them, organizing their life and things so they just 'show up' and don't have to put any thought in it?  Any of that familiar.  Around what age does a parent need to begin to back off?
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973741 tn?1342342773
I always think this is a difficult thing to time correctly.  I want my own kids to feel safe and under my protection while at the same time spreading their own wings.  I had a teacher in about 4th grade contact me that she was giving my son a 'lesson' and did not want me to 'save him'.  He was forgetting to put his homework on his papers.  He sometimes forgot his work.  I'd run it over to school.  So, in one week, he got a zero on an assignment for no name and a zero for not having his work that he'd left on our kitchen table.  He was crying, very upset.  I sat back and said "well, you have to go through the process at night packing up and in the morning making sure you have everything."  From that week on, my son did self manage.  That teacher was ON it to know this was what my son needed to take over part of his own organization in life.  

That was a win.  Both my boys starting in elementary school, the later years self managed homework time, assignments.  I only checked our progress system to check grades.  I have friends that into high school are still micromanaging their kids school work.  My theory was that they learn the hard lessons when there are fewer consequences for their mistakes.  Let them fail, mismanage time, etc. and learn from it.  

Does anyone else let their kids fail in order to learn the lesson?  Is it hard for you to do?  (it is me).
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Ya, my mantra was don't make the same mistake twice.  My wife's was don't let them make any mistakes.  And we probably wound up being a bit more protective then I would have wanted, but that worked out ok.   Its tough.  and very age dependent.  And there is a big difference between enabling and protecting from harm.   I think cause and effect is important.  However, not wearing seat belts is an effect that I never would let happen.  
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