younger sibling

[gina4477]

I have 2 daughters, one is 6 and the other is 4. My 4year old daughter has been going through a phase for quite some time where she always compares herself to her older sister. Whenever I ask her something, even basic things, she will always ask what her sister is doing and then will follow suit.For example, she would not attend such things as dance classes, soccer lessons unless she was in the same class as her older sister. Utimately, we did accomodate and now wonder if we did the right thing? Overall, she has good social skills, but tends to cling to me when in new surroundings. Eventually she becomes comfortable and voluntarily goes to play with her sister and other kids. In a few weeks she will be starting JK and while she has been in pre-school for 1 year already (which was horrible at drop off time for the entire year, and rarely spoke with her teacher) she always asks if she will be in the same class as her older sister. When being honest with her, she gets very emotional and insists that she does not want to go to school.  I'm concerned with her transition to JK and helping her to be more independant. Any advice?

[gina4477]

Thank you all very much for your repsonses. I agree with your suggestions of having my older daughter help with her transition to school as well as with creating activities for my younger daughter independant of her older sister. I will definately set that up and I think both will help her to build her confidence. I also agree with your comments about my older daughter's need to move on with her development also. I hadn't considered that aspect of it, but also very important.

[Sandman2]

   Good advice by the above.  Combine that with what I suggested on the ADHD forum and I think you should do much better this year.  Best wishes.

[allmymarbles]

Developing independence is a long, drawn-out business for some children. She probably wasn't ready to start school at age three, many children aren't, and I wonder if this hasn't set her back a little. It will all work out in the end, but I would expect this to be another difficult year for her, although not so bad as the last. Be patient.

[specialmom]

Hi.  I'm the baby sister too.  My suggestion is to start to develop her own life.  Her sister is leaving for full time school, right?  Is she going into first grade which is all day?  And your younger daughter is probably still in half day preschool?  I would work very hard to start establishing your younger daughter as her own entity. I'd begin setting up play dates for her with a person of her own age and try NOT to bring your older daughter along.  Do it while she is in school if you are a stay at home mom or set it up on a weekend when your partner can watch your older daughter and you bring your younger one.  

The problem is that with two years apart, they've been grouped togehter.  That quickly comes to an end-----  as your older daughter advances, they younger one wouldn't be accepted into the same activities.  There would be a major skill level difference developmentally between a 4 year old and a 6 year old, a 5 and 7, a 6 and 8, etc.  Really, that isn't an equal playing field and as your older daughter wants to advance----  she needs to be able to do that and your younger daughter needs to be with her own peers.  Socially, your older daughter also needs to have her own friends and peer group.  Sure, they can be nice to little sister, but two years will start to feel like a lot for your older daughters friends in terms of hanging out with her little sister.  They are not going to be thrilled with it and it isn't really fair to expect it just to appease your younger daughter.

I actually do speak from experience.  I have two boys that are 16 months apart in age.  Keep their activities seperate.  And if your younger daughter seems socially awkward or anxious, work on that.  Help encourage her and help her grow.  
good luck