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Child calls his Mom "Mother"

My boyfriend of two years has a seven year old son his name is Luke. Luke calls his Mom "Mother" and always refers to her as "mother". She is his primary caregiver and my boyfriend has visitations every other weekend. Luke always refers to his Dad as Daddy or Dad never "Father". Luke is a very affectionate child and always hugs his Dad and me without hesitation. He is particularly affectionate to me sometimes hugging me until he is physically removed. On several occasions we have witnessed Luke trying to avoid hugging his "mother" and never shows her any affection. At school his class made Mother's Day Cards that had a pre-written verse that said something about how he loves his mom so much. Luke refused to give the card to his "mother" because he said that "he did not love her and the card was not true".
His behavior towards his mother is very odd. Luke tells us his time at home consists of him playing video games and watching TV. His "mother" spends her time on the computer. My boyfriend has filed for primary custody because we have found out Luke's mother has delayed getting medical/dental treatment. She has had atleast five live-in boyfriends and overnight guests (of the opposite sex) in the last year and a half. I could go on ...
I would appreciate any thoughts you may have regarding a child referring to his Mom as "Mother". Could this mean there is some abuse or neglect present in the home?
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Avatar universal
Get a good attorney otherwise it wouldn't make a difference if she was living with a child molester.  I mean that quite literally.
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Avatar universal
Thank you for your opinion.
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973741 tn?1342342773
To be sure, I just re read your initial post.  Clearly this boy does not sound happy.  But I think making the jump to abuse and neglect from the information you've given is a big jump.  That is just my opinion, of course.  

You have to remember that a child of divorce has a lot going on.  He's trying to make two sets of people happy.  He has some instability with two households.  He has some emotional trauma overall just because his parents aren't together.  All of that adds into his behavior with you.

Whether more is going on in terms of hostility towards his mother, I do not know.  If you've had a therapist specializing in children indicate as such, obviously start some therapy with a psychologist that specializes in families and children in particular.  Could be difficult as you are not in charge yet and custody decisions are still ongoing.  But that is probably the best way to know.  

Abuse and neglect are terms that have specific parameters and if it meets the legal definition, social services must get involved.  What you describe sounds like he is angry but that does not mean specifically that his mother  has abused or neglected him in the way a court would see it.  

I appreciate a concerned significant other for a child and it is obvious that you care.  I didn't mean to sound otherwise in my above post.  I always say  that a significant other is to remain in a support role as otherwise things get quite complicated on different levels.  In this case the child won't mind your involvement, but the ex might become combative if she senses anything greater than support.  That is my only point.  The parents must get along to have the best outcome for the child.

Do I think the information you've given warrants further investigation.  Yes.  Do I think it is a clear cut sign that he is abused and neglected, no.  Just my opinion though.  Do what is best for this boy!  I appreciate those that love and care for children of their significant others-------- it shows a kind and open heart.  Good luck
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Avatar universal
I am not sure you read my post completely. To be clear we support his son's relationship with his Mother. Nothing bad is ever said in front Luke about his Mother. I forgot to add that his Mom does not want him calling her Mother. Another professional has told us this is a sign of hostility. My post was to see if anyone had any insight. Why is his Mom "mother" and not Mom? Why does he not call his Dad "father?" This along with the interaction seen between the child and his Mother makes us question what is going on in the home.
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973741 tn?1342342773
No, I don't think calling a parent the formal name is a sign of abuse.  That could be what she prefers to be called.  Every household is different.  

I think that your role here is to be supportive in any way that you can.  This means that you don't look at every thing between this child and his "mother" as bad.  Your description sounds less than desirable and his father wanting custody is a good thing.  But I would not try to take the child away from his mother.  Watching some tv while mom does something else is not the description (legally) of neglect.  Neglect is not caring for a child or meeting their needs.  She may not win mother of the year . . . but a claim of abuse and neglect is a big deal.  

Your goal as this man's girlfriend is to be supportive.  You want this boy to have a close relationship with mom AND dad.  Don't have the child pick sides but support a relationship with both.  good luck

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Avatar universal
Yes, that means the child is very withdrawn from his mom and she is probably negleting him as well. Maybe taking the child to a therapist would be a good option because they can uncover hidden messages.
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