I'm trying to figure myself out, so to say. I just overheard a doctor on the radio talking about how young girls will masterbate for comfort because something isn't right in the household. I remember doing this when I was in kindergarden. I have no recollection of when I first started this, or how I learned this. My household was a bit crazy...I remember my parents dropping the F bomb at eachother upstairs when I was in maybe first or second grade. Other than that I have an extremely splotchy memory of other things that happend when I was younger. My mom told me, as well as my aunt, that I was strangled by my dad when I was younger. I even heard that there is a possibility I was sexually abused when I was little. I remember having a lot of babysitters, nightmares, and not being as social with other kids my age. My parents divorced when I was in 2nd grade. From there my dad remarried twice and my mom once. We have moved around alot and I have had a hard time at the place we just moved to. I have a hard time taking criticism, harsh statements, tension, and stress from others. I don't like being rejected...but it happens so much to me. I've had a hard time keeping jobs at my new hometown...I'm constantly worried, anxious, and paranoid. Not to mention I have a low self esteem. I try to be in control of things but often times feel as if I was never in control in the first place...or feel like I'm slipping from any control. When people say something that I don't like, and when I try to back myself up...oftentimes I feel as if I can't... I have had a lot of people disrespect me as an individual but I could never bring myself to say what I felt ever. I have also had suicidal thoughts and tendancies, as well as a history of self inflicted harm...cutting, throwing up (eating disorder), and harmful impulsive behavior. I'm trying to figure out what type of help I should seek for this, since I have been to doctors and nothing has seemed to help. I also feel as if others don't like me, or if something is wrong with me. I have a hard time trusting people, even doctors. I feel as if they are against me and are going to hurt me or let me down. Could I have experienced childhood trauma that is causing me to give up and leave certain jobs once tension/criticism start?