Hello, Any and All who might be willing to offer feedback,
Thank you in advance to anyone who takes a moment to read this. I'm feeling very concerned about my current relationship.
Let me preface this post by sharing that my father is from Mexico ... this does allow for some different relationship standards. What I tell you may seem over-the-top for most Americans. I have a hard time leaving relationships, I am very committed to staying in them until it's clear that nothing good can come of them. Only then will I leave ... I fear that I might have to leave this relationship because of the child issue.
His father and I had a tumultuous beginning to our relationship. Both of us are passionate lovers, and had been bruised in the past, and so had to overcome a large amount of skepticism and cynicism to get to the point where we felt we would be able to fully trust each other and love in each other. There was enough love there, however, for us to pull through. It amazes me that we've made it this far. We at about the 6-month mark and we're very much in love. We've been talking about getting married and starting a family.
However ... he already has a family.
Although he and the mother of his child are no longer together, he has a 6 year-old son that he primarily cares for. He keeps his son twice as much as the mother does. She is an alright lady. I don't agree with her parenting style, I think she is rather negligent and inattentive, and I'm very happy that my man is the primary caretaker for his son. He is a very good father and they have a wonderfully close bond. When the boy is with his mother, he just plays adult video games all day and gets paid very little attention. It's terrible and actually probably criminal as well. This is why I want the boy to live with his father for as much time as possible and do not want to stand in the way of that.
But. The boy has always had his father's full attention, and has never had to compete for his affections before. He's accused his father of loving me more than him. I'm terribly concerned about this accusation as it's very serious. If he feels this way, I feel that something equally serious must be done.
My significant other feels that this would happen with anyone, and it's just a typical milestone, that is will pass. I'm not so confident that we're not doing permanent damage. The boy sulks and seems to outwardly despise me.
I have to deal with a large amount of negativity directed towards me at work and in other areas of my life, and find this intense dislike to be very unsettling. It's unacceptable to me. I think that something serious needs to be done, such as family therapy, or I should leave this relationship, once and for all. It breaks my heart, but where children are involved, I don't see much gray area. I take children very seriously ... they must come first.
Please let me know your thoughts ... I want to make this work. We're very much in love. But I don't want to hurt his child and I don't want to stand in the way of their relationship.
Thank you.
Vivica