Crush

[Amalu]

Is it possible that my friends step-daughter has a crush on him? My friend married a year ago but lived w/his wife 6 or so months before he married. My friends wife has a 13/14 year old daughter who looks every bit of 16. She's very pretty, tall, physically well built and smart in school. Me and other friends have noticed things like, she's clingy, kinda touchy and this summer when a bunch of us went swimming, she played w/him in the pool. She sat on his shoulder's several times, they pushed each other under water and splashed water at each other. When my friend would come out of the pool, so did she. When we'd have "adult" time, she's was there. If he went to the store, she went too. When just the guys got together to drink, smoke and tell "guy" stories, she was w/them.

When we'd go out to dinner, she sat next to him. When the girls went to do "girlie" stuff, she didn't want to go. One day my friend, his step-daughter, a dear friend of ours, her daughter whose also 13/14 and me, went shopping. I was shocked at what I saw! At times she would put her arms around his neck, not like a daughter would but like his wife does. She walked close to him, rested her head on his shoulders real clingy like, spoke to him standing very close. She completely ignored her friend who she only sees once a year! I felt bad for the other girl and embarrassed at what me and the dear friend were seeing! It was as though they were boyfriend/girlfriend. In fact, when at the pool, a lady I was talking to asked me if they were married!

Is that normal behavior for a young teenager towards her step-father? Frankly, I'm worried.

Sincerely,
Amalu  

[allmymarbles]

Thank you for replying to all of us. When we give our advice we like to know if we were helpful, or if we were off track. People like you make our time rewarding.

[specialmom]

Well, I can see your concern there as his mother.  You absolutely do hear on occasion of an accusation that ruins someone's life.  You are protective and trying to look out for your son.  Understandable.  Much more so as a mother posting this than a female friend.  

Have you mentioned this concern to your son?  I think I would.  good luck

[Amalu]

Thank you all for your comments. Some of them are good and do help us to see things in a different light. It's nice to have other people's opinions; it helps one figure things out.

Other comments are not so nicely worded but hey, we're all entitled to our opinion, right? ;-)

[Amalu]

Dear 2014, thank you for your comment. You have a good point about her looking for a father figure. She won't admit it but, she probably would love to have her "real" father in her life.

He would never hurt her. He truly cares about her. She's a wonderful, loving kid and would do anything for anyone; has a tender heart. What I fear comes from listening to stories about young kids getting so angry at their parent/s that they make up horrible things to get back at them.

I think I'll forget about this silly fear and try to be more open minded. Thanks for helping me see things differently.

[Amalu]

Thank you for your comment. And yes, your right, he IS the adult. I feel pretty certain that he doesn't give her any inappropriate affection; he really does care for her and is crazy in love with her mother.

I think I'm just being silly; overprotective. I think I'll give it a rest. Again, thank you for your insight, it helped.  

[Amalu]

Thank you for your comment, I appreciate your opinion.

I'm not jealous. I only see them once a year, sometimes twice. I think I'm just being overprotective because to be honest, the guy I refer to as "my friend" is really my son.

I guess I listen to too many stories about how badly step-daughter/father relationships can end up. I would just want to die if "she" ever got angry w/him and said something terrible. Something like, he touched her in an inappropriate way or that he tried to force himself on her. When kids get so angry at their parent/s/step-parent/s, they say the most awful and damaging things.

I think I'll follow your suggestion and forget about this (my) issue. Thanks so much for listening.

[baby2014]

Something's sound pretty normal. Especially since her dad isn't in the picture. Girls want a man figure in their life.

When I was that age I would wrestle and hang out with my stepdad. Girls always tend to be more clingy than boys. I guess because girls work more on an emotional level. She probably just really wants a father figure in her life and has became really attached.

Do you think your friend is the type that would hurt her? If so maybe you should call cps.

[allmymarbles]

Ask yourself if this is normal behavior for your friend. After all, he is the adult, not she.

[specialmom]

Dear, if her mother doesn't have an issue I would back off.  Judgment of how another raises their kids rarely leads to anything good.  If the mom complains, then give her your opinion but I wouldn't try to insert yourself into their lives in this way or be judgmental about how she raises her kid.  I can certainly say that she should maybe do some things differently but it her her life, her child, her home.  She's entitled to parent as she pleases.
Are you sure you aren't jealous of the situation yourself?  I just ask because you are awful protective of 'your friend'.  
good luck

[Amalu]

Her mom doesn't say anything. I think she thinks it's "normal" for her daughter to "cling" to her husband. ???? She'll make comments like, "she's only 13, she's still a little girl. Or she'll say that because the girl's bio father doesn't pay much attention to her, (and my friend does) that, that's the reason her daughter loves to be around my friend.

Her mother nor my friend tell her to go to her room or go watch T.V. when the adults start to get raunchy. She hears and see's everything! I wasn't raised that way. My mom would tell us kids to go play or watch T.V. or send us to our room. We NEVER were allowed to hang out w/the adults.  

[specialmom]

What about the girl's mother?  Does she supervise?  Worried that SHE (the mother) would have her young daughter hanging out with the drinking, smoking, shooting the  poop men.  

What does her mother say?