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Crying Grandkids

Hi folks ... hope you can help. I am a grandfather to two beautiful kids, from a mother i have only recently started to bond with (her mother kept her birth from me for the first  years of her life, and then suggested she was my brothers - but DNA has resolved this). We're working hard at becoming a family, and to be honest, its all new to me. However, Im finding myself becoming critical and irritated by a situation that I (as an 'old fashioned' person I guess) think shouldn't be occuring. The problem is, my 5 1/2 year old grandson is a very melodramatic child, and seems prone to tears and exaggeration as to why he's crying. For example, a recent visit saw him crying when he'd done something I asked him not to, and was gently reminded that if he's going o act out, then granpa really didnt want to go somewhere nice that day and see him act out some more. So, he took himself off to sulk, then cried when his pa asked hom what was wrong. He then wanted some roughousing, which I think is natural and normal for a boy, and as he made to lunge at me/ onto me, I put my hand out to shield myself, and the crook of my thumb went into the crook of his elbow.... more tears "Granpa hurt me"... Later that day, he was in town with his sister, started crying when he say a certain burger bar he magically felt hungry as we walked by. His sister, who's coming on for 11, id the same when she was told she couldnt go to a certain store as her ma didnt have any money. I could see my daughter getting more and more distressed by all of this, and it occured to me that there were thousands of kids walking around - but I ddint see any other kids acting in this way. My daughter feels that she couldnt understand why she didnt get things she wanted when she was taht age, and I have said that she cannot re-live the shortfalls in her childhood through the children she has now - but it seems as if Im not really in the place where I can offer the kind of opinions and suggestions that might help. But i do feel that this behaviour of the kids is natural manipulation, but that the tears have become an aspect they know they have to produe in order to get their way (which they do), and that the issue is actually my 30 year old daughter transfering her needs onto them. Any suggestions how this can be managed ofr how I can broach the subject without alienating myself?
1 Responses
377493 tn?1356502149
Well, I would tend to agree with you that the children know that by crying they get their way.  That being said, I do think that given the fact you are currently working on rebuilding your relationship with your daughter and her family, it might be best to stay out of that for now.  We moms can be a bit sensitive about how we are raising our children, and if the two of you are not yet close, it may be taken as criticism, and that could have a negative impact on the overall relationship.  I know that when someone gives me advice on something I am doing with my child, I typically prefer it if I ask first.  Unless she has requested your assistance or asked your advice, I personally think it's best not to say anything.  Just my opinion.  I do want to say it's great that you are back in your daughters life and forming a relationship with her and your grandchildren.  I wish you all the best!
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