Does my 3 1/2 yr old son need to see a therapist?

[mamaof167]

My son is 3 1/2 and just a few months ago was caught touching and being touched by another little boy, same age. When I asked what happened, he said he peed in his mouth because he liked it. Since then, those boys don't play together anymore. The problem stopped for a while, but yesterday I caught him sticking his finger in his 2 yr old brother bottom. I don't know where he is learning this behavior, no school or other influences but me. He is supposed to start school next month and I am afraid to put him in there, out of fear what he might do. I don't know if this is normal, doesn't seem that way to me, or if he needs to be seen by a therapist. This is so embarrassing to me and I wonder if anyone else has had this problem and what helped stop it. I have explained that no one is to touch his privates, unless getting a bath, but I don't think he gets it. HELP ME!!!! I don't know what to do or what I have done wrong. I spank him and put him in time out, but he doesn't care. Like no concious or something.

[specialmom]

The two ways that I've noticed people pulling up old posts is that they either search like in google and pull up a title of a post and then come to med help from that.  Then once here, there is a section that gives you similar older threads to look at called 'related discussions.'  

[Sandman2]

   I guess we leave old posts up so that perhaps the discussion can help others.  What I am curious about is that I do see other posters responding to old links and I can never figure out how they stumbled across them.  So, was this post something that came up when you googled a topic?  Or had used some other kind of search engine?   Or perhaps did a search on MedHelp and the listings are not in chronological order?  or in reverse order?  If so, it would be nice to know so that it can be tweaked to be more relevant.

[momoffive604]

well,i did not see that it has been 3 years.(.maybe this post should be dis-continued..)....It is  certainly true that objects in rectum is not usual exploration..........(..and even worse would be anal intercourse ). Objects in the rectum can be very harmful,very serious.....so, The distinct possibility of outside influences in these kinds of cases ,should always be investigated,to determine   what was the motivation( were there sinister influences that generated this type of behavior )

[Sandman2]

   Good point by specialmom.  Rarely do old posters ever check back in - so while the advice is good, its kind of wasted on an audience that has checked out.

[specialmom]

  It is unusual for that age to put fingers in rectums, peeing in mouth, scrotum in mouth.  That is indeed unusual behavior and I would guess one of these kids had been molested or had seen something.  there is normal child exploration and abnormal and this falls in abnormal.  You definitely must learn to say not to things that aren't allowed and um, . . .  saying NO to someone putting a finger in my child's rectum falls in that category.  If my child kept trying to do something like that, I'd absolutely have to discipline for it as I would for anything they defied me on.  I am not a spanker myself.  
This is an old post by the way.  the poster hasn't been here for THREE years.  

[momoffive604]

spanking is a form of violence,and is totally counter productive in that you must NEVER associate violence with sex or what may be deemed sex..(. this is  just exploration and is done by millions,upon millions of boys and girls prior to puberty,so this is NOT unusual....remember that associating in a child's little mind,that some body parts are nasty of evil,....
   can cause extreme anxiety and severe mental problems later on in life...just communicate.and do not male him feel shame and guilt....no actual sex going on here ,( at these ages ) just curiosity.....if it does get to be compulsive though,professional help is needed.mom,Do you believe that he has been given a lot of love and affection,and a good sense of self-worth? only you know for sure.Has he been influenced by some out-side source...find out.............................Mom
       good-luck,hope every thing turns out with understanding and healing

[specialmom]

Oh ladies, I disagree completely.  Peeing in another boys and putting genitalia in anothers mouth is not normal exploration.  Sticking a finger in another's bottom is beyond normal, in my opinion.  Often times a child will discover sensations that they create in themselves and will do that . . . that is normal.  Or they will touch another's penis and giggle, that is normal . . . but one of these kids has been exposed to something.  Either they've seen it or it has been done to them.  Just a guess, but the penis in the mouth is a dead giveaway.  (therapist here speaking)

I would tell them that NO.  We do not touch another.  NO. NO. No. My younger son tried to grab his brother in the bathtub and he got a big fat NO!!!!  Hands to self.  

So watch this situation . . . but I would be leary.  I wouldn't leave them unsupervised.  

[mamaof167]

, Thank you for your input! The thing I was worried about was he never touches himself, just others and I am afraid to let him interact with other kids. I don't want to cause him serious issues by punishing him, but he doesn't seem to listen when I talk to him. Maybe I'll just stay consistant and he'll hear it someday. Thank you again! So you wouldn't think a therapist needs to be called in?

[ANS04]

From what I understand it is completely normal for little boys to touch themselves or even each other. It is usually not sexual and instead an explorative thing. It sounds like your son is just exploring bodies...wondering what different things do.

Continue to talk with him about appropriate touching and when he should do it and that he shouldnt touch others.

As for punishing him for the behavior. I would not do that. This could have serious side effects. I would just talk with him and if you really feel uncomfortable with him touching himself...then redirect his attention.