Hi, I'm in a mess today, unable to concentrate on my work, so any help would be appreciated. This morning while we were getting ready, my daughter casually told me that she had (naked) showers with her step-grandfather (who has been like a grandfather to her since she was a baby).
She and her brother spent a few weeks of the summer with him and his grandmother, and apparently, known to everyone, including my ex-husband, the four of them would split into showers at the camp, with my ten year old son showering with his grandmother and my seven year old daughter showering with her grandfather. May I insist that it was in the nude. I had already heard that they often split in the same way for sleeping and I was already seriously uncomfortable with that, but the showering thing seems to be crossing all boundaries.
Although, of course, I cannot be sure, my gut feeling is that nothing sexual was going on. I asked my daughter in more detail than I would have liked, and she promised that he never touched her private parts and that she never touched his for any reason. When I asked both of my children why they didn't have showers boy/boy girl/girl (apparently the camp showers are difficult for a child to operate), they just said that Grandma likes my son more, and their step-grandfather likes my daughter better. Same reason for their sleeping arrangements, apparently.
Now, I've always had a very problematic relationship with my in-laws, as I have found them to be extraordinarily meddlesome, intrusive, and bound to take huge liberties according to their own views and principles without really considering mine (giving them the benefit of the doubt that nothing was going on, I'm just livid that they would not even consider that I might not like the idea of my daughter showering alone with a sixty year old man). Over the years, they have always had much more time with my children than I'm really comfortable with and often come back telling tales of how I do this or that wrong, which is very annoying to me, but since my children love them I've always tried to think of them first and let them spend a lot of time there. I feel like they are too involved with the kids and I don't like that, but don't want to hurt my kids or do things just to please my own ego.
I'm worried that if I tell my in-laws to stop this, they will further characterize me as a hysterical character with dubious ideas, reinforce that message to my children more than they already do, and might even continue to do it regardless. On the other hand, no way I'm sending them over there again under these sleeping/showering arrangements. The children themselves see nothing wrong with it and like showering with Grandma and Grandpa respectively.
Any advice will be appreciated. Thanks!